when the day met the night
by howlters
Summary: Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.
1. the beginning

**A/N:** oh guess who has a new STORY definitely NOT ME LOL HAHAHAAHa just kidding you guessed right it's me! i know i still have to update like my other fics but recently i've read _Fangirl_ and i love that book a lot! i find it very truly relatable and i've been inspired to write a phan college-centered fic even though i have no college experience whatsoever whoops but hey hey

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with some kickthestickz.

**also i was previously _icekittens_ but i have changed my user to _howlters_ —

**characters may be slightly ooc, trying out new writing style ehehe

 **disclaimer:** i don't own dan or phil

 **setting:** college AU

enjoy

* * *

 **I.**

the beginning

—

.

.

.

It was the first day of college and Dan was dreading it.

He was worried about a crapload of things. Like who his roommate was going to be (er, well, he actually knew already, it's just, _what would they be like?_ ). Or how his classes would go. And if he would make friends with people. _Especially_ that. Dan was never the social type, and honestly he never thought he would be that kind of person anyway. Dan's insides kept churning, and he couldn't seem to be able to talk or do anything because he was _that_ nervous.

Dan's parents had told him constantly that there was basically "nothing to worry about" and that Dan should be able to survive through his first semester in college. However, Dan thought otherwise. He _despised_ anything that had to do with being social. Parties, sports, you name it. He sighed, and fixed his fringe. It was going to be a _long_ year. Dan looked around on the college campus, and then by the dorms, where he would be staying in.

He took a deep breath, and exhaled.

He was really not looking forward to this.

Hauling his boxes packed with his things with both hands, he walked cautiously to the dorms, where the door was left ajar, making the job quite easier for him. With ease Dan walked inside, and looked around for the room that was his — room 326. His brown eyes scanned each and every door across the hall, and nearly almost tripped on several things people have left outside the rooms — but fortunately finally found himself staring at room 326.

Dan stared at the numbers on the door, and then down at the paper with his room assignment.

Yep, 326. Hesitantly, Dan nudged the door open with his knee (it was unlocked) and walked inside. It looked like a small bedroom, with two mattresses on opposite sides feet away from each other. There were two desks, a lamp, and two drawers for each side. It wasn't like Dan's bedroom back at home, but it looked like a nice place to settle in. It didn't smell weird either, which was good.

His roommate wasn't present, but it seemed like he _was_ here — there were boxes on the mattress to the right. Only one of the boxes were open, but it didn't seem like he'd bothered putting them away in somewhere he'd remember to place them. Dan frowned as he stared at his room assignment paper — Lester, Philip. Dan stared at the name. Philip Lester, huh? Dan wondered what kind of guy he was.

Dan checked the time. 7:10. They've gotten the whole day to settle in before classes the next morning. Dan inwardly groaned as he sat on the springy mattress on the left. It was surprisingly comfortable. He pulled out his list of classes, reading them off one by one. Tomorrow, he'd have his Foreign Language class first... ugh. He was taking French, and he promptly sucked at it.

At that moment, the door opened wider, and someone walked in.

Dan looked up from his list, and raised his eyebrows in greeting.

The other teenage boy looked back at him, then at _his_ room assignment paper in his right hand. "Daniel Howell?" He asked, a slight bit of Northern accent embedded in his tone. Dan examined his features. Black hair, fringe brushed neatly to one side (kind of like Dan's, but on the opposite side). He had a pale complexion, and bright, _bright_ blue eyes, behind the boy's glasses. He was also wearing a plaid shirt along with black skinny jeans and converse.

"Hi," Dan said, holding out his left hand for him to shake. "You can call me Dan. Philip, right?"

"Phil," He replied, shaking Dan's hand. He was looking at Dan curiously. "You're a freshman?"

"Yeah." Dan said, not sure of what else to say. "You too?" The black haired boy nodded, and had gone back to rummaging through his boxes. He was frowning as he pulled out some of his clothes out, and had started arranging them in his drawer. Phil looked back at Dan, who was looking at Phil with a slight interest. "Did you want the right side of the bed? I can move my stuff if you want me to."

Dan blinked. "Oh, no, it's alright. I prefer the left." He raised his left hand. "I'm left-handed."

"Ah." Phil said, his eyebrows raised. "Well, I guess that makes sense."

The brown haired boy shrugged, as he too got up and started unpacking. He took photographs out of the boxes and placed them on top of his drawer. It became aware to Dan that the two of them were supposed to become good friends, if they were to be roommates for the rest of the semester. Phil seemed plenty nice already, he was pretty friendly to Dan when he had finally came into the room. He was a bit quiet too, and Dan didn't mind that. But it was probably because they had just barely met ten minutes ago.

About a few hours later, Dan had finished packing in silence. His clothes were folded in his drawers, photographs placed on top of it, and posters that advertised his favorite bands were up on the walls. He'd gotten to setting up his mattress so it would be more comfortable; Dan had pillows scattered all over his bed, and threw a blanket over it. It was basically how he slept every night, after spending some time on the Internet. Phil was finished unpacking too, the two of them had their fair share of awkward silences, not knowing what to say.

Even though the two of them were guys they weren't quite comfortable changing in front of each other yet — Phil had let Dan go first so he could wait outside until it was his turn to change into his pajamas, or something. After the two of them had completely changed, Dan stared at the time. 10:15. That late already? He sighed and crashed on his springy mattress, pulling out his iphone and scrolling through old pictures on his photo library.

On the other bed, Phil was lying down, facing the ceiling. He looked quite tired, actually. Dan wondered what he was doing before he'd came into the room earlier. Maybe that was what had tired him out? Dan couldn't explain it, but he was feeling exhausted too — it had added up to his nerves he was feeling before tomorrow came. Dan placed his phone on the desk and left it charging, as he thought about what was there to come.

Phil wasn't saying anything, next to him.

It was awkward.

Dan hoped he would get used to this — even though Phil didn't seem to want to make any conversation. He thought about what he knew about his roommate so far. Quiet. Reserved. Tidy, kind of. There were socks under his mattress, even though they just unpacked. Also, he was a freshman, too. But it was strange, Dan thought that Phil looked older and more sophisticated to be a freshman. And he seemed to know a lot about the dormitories already...

From his laying position, Dan shifted to lie on his left side, facing Phil's side of the room. He'd taken off his glasses already, and he looked like he was already fast asleep. Dan couldn't help but blink in surprise. Had he fallen asleep that quickly already? Amazing. Dan never fell asleep _that_ fast. It took him a while to get comfortable, and to actually sleep. But Phil looked like he was knocked out already, his chest rising and falling as he breathed.

Dan sighed, and turned so now he was facing the wall; lying on his right side. He hoped that he wouldn't wake Phil up, as the mattress sprung with every move. Finally, he settled into a comfortable position, and closed his brown eyes. He snuggled against his pillow, exhaling as he waited for sleep to overtake him.

* * *

When Dan woke up the next morning, Phil was already gone.

Slightly irritable and drowsy, the brown haired teen checked the time. 7:32. About thirty minutes until his first class started. _Well, shit._ Dan lazily dragged himself out of bed, and changed as he blinked the sleep from his eyes — grabbing black jeans and a black t-shirt with a white circle on it. He fixed his fringe in the mirror and frowned, staring at himself in the glass. Then he shrugged and rubbed his eyes, grabbing a black jacket and matching black backpack as he left the room, class schedule in hand.

He assumed that Phil had already left for class, and didn't even bother waiting for Dan. Dan sighed. Maybe Phil wasn't as nice as Dan thought, after all. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. 7:45. Ugh, there was almost no time for breakfast, and Dan didn't really eat breakfast in the first place — so he just made his way to his Foreign Language class, fifteen minutes early.

Almost half of the class were new to the school too, Dan thought as he stepped in the classroom, feeling his nerves return. He searched for a desk and plopped himself into one almost at the back of the room, where many other new students were sitting in nervously. Dan observed his surroundings, as he looked to the right of him, a boy with green eyes and brown hair swept to one side was sitting in the desk. He looked bored, but he couldn't stop tapping his pencil on the table.

The nerves seemed to go away as the fifteen minutes dragged by, and _finally_ — the French teacher walked in. Dan straightened up in his desk as his teacher started his lecture. Besides him, the boy was still tapping his pencil on the desk. Dan massaged his temples as he tried to focus on what his teacher was saying.

During class, Dan got the strangest feeling the boy besides him was _watching_ him.

* * *

The rest of the subjects in the morning had dragged by — and it was finally time for lunch.

Lots of college students often left to get food outside of school. Dan had knew that, because lots of the students already had their driver's license. Dan had his, but he didn't really like going out to buy lunch. Instead he much preferred getting it inside of the school's dining hall, since mostly all of the seniors were gone, doing whatever. He fell into line and chose to have just a sandwich and a bag of chips for lunch, and looked around for a table.

Then he saw someone waving at him. Dan squinted.

It was the boy from earlier — the tapping-pencils-on-his-desk boy. The one that Dan suspiciously thought that he was looking at him. This time, he was accompanied by two people: one, a curly haired boy, and two... wait, was that Phil? Dan blinked. The boy was waving his hand more furiously than ever, and Dan slowly walked to their table, feeling awkward and shy. Once he had finally arrived, he boy grinned at him brightly. "About time you've got here!"

"Er." Dan said. He was pretty sure he'd never talked to him in his life.

"I'm Chris. Chris Kendall." The smiling boy then said, shaking Dan's hand way too excitedly. "You're in my French class, right? I hope I don't annoy you when I tap my pencils on the desk. It helps me focus. And from the looks of it, you're a freshman too, huh?" He said, still grinning. Dan was slightly taken aback. This guy probably enjoyed smiling a lot. After all, it looked like that it was all he did.

Besides Chris, Dan could make out the other two's features much more better now. The curly brown haired boy on the left of Chris was looking at Dan curiously, as he sat down next to him. His green eyes were widened with slight curiosity. Chris noticed Dan feeling slightly out of place, and he nudged the curly haired boy, who started. "Oh, hi — I'm PJ Liguori." He shook Dan's hand as well, and Dan blinked, even more bewildered.

"Um, hi." He mumbled, realizing he hadn't said an introduction yet. "I'm, uh, Dan Howell."

"Nice to meet you, Dan!" Chris smiled. He gestured to the other boy on his side — and Dan realized that it _was_ Phil. He wasn't wearing his glasses this time, but he still looked a bit drowsy, surprisingly. Phil was poking moodily at his pasta. "And I'm assuming you know who Phil is?" Chris asked, as Dan nodded slowly.

He took a bite out of his sandwich. "Yeah. We're roommates."

"Ah, that's right." PJ said, speaking up besides him. "Phil mentioned something like that."

"Although you guys seem more like strangers." Chris said, pointing his spoon at Phil first, and then Dan. Dan felt suddenly on the spot, and he quietly munched his chips as an awkward silence then passed, as none of them said anything for a while.

"I didn't even tell you." Phil then grumbled. "You two idiots looked through my room assignment." With that, Phil ate a bit of his pasta, as Dan raised an eyebrow. Was Phil really this moody? He looked like he was a really nice person, but then again — you shouldn't judge people based on their appearances. Dan shrugged, and continued eating, as Chris and PJ started talking about something. However, Dan still felt kind of awkward.

It was like they were treating him as if Dan knew them their entire life. Chris really was nice, and friendly — and so was PJ. Phil, too, even if he didn't show it that often. But the three of them seemed like they've been friends for years, from the aura Dan had been getting around them. He smiled as he finished the last few parts of his sandwich, but then jumped when Chris exclaimed loudly.

" _Aha!_ " He said, pointing a finger at Dan. The brown haired teen's eyes widened.

"What?" Dan asked, frowning.

"You've smiled." Chris grinned. "I was waiting for that smile. You know, when someone realizes they've met the people they'll be friends with throughout their whole life — _that_ was your smile right now, Dan." He continued smiling at Dan — even his green eyes were smiling at him. Dan smiled nervously, and ducked his head down, feeling slightly embarrassed. But it was true. They all seemed like nice people.

PJ snorted. "That sounds creepy when you put it that way."

"Oh, shut up, you know it's true, Peej."

When Dan looked up again, Phil was looking at him this time.

And Dan was glancing back at him.

Phil had an excellent poker face — Dan wasn't sure what he was thinking. Throughout the stare, Dan couldn't help but look into Phil's blue, _blue_ eyes, as he looked into Dan's brown ones. They weren't even blue — they were a mixture of green, yellow, _and_ blue. Phil's eyes were really pretty, and when Phil finally tore away from the gaze, Dan found himself still staring at him. Dan frowned.

He hoped that somehow, he'd actually get to know Phil.

* * *

Pretty soon, a few weeks passed by and Dan was already getting used to college.

Ever since that day, Dan had easily started hanging out with his newfound friends, all of them were really interesting people. He enjoyed their company, they were fun to have around, even Phil, who grudgingly went with them as they explored the campus. Chris and Dan had developed a good friendship, and the two talked daily in French. PJ was in Dan's biology class, and the two were partners.

Except that sometimes — Phil wasn't present during lunch. When Dan asked Chris and PJ of where he'd always go, they'd always respond that he wanted to go out to get lunch himself at those times. During the other times Phil was actually there, he'd kind of not acknowledge that Dan was there at the table. But then again, he didn't really talk to Chris or PJ either. It was kind of driving Dan mad — during the past few weeks, the only main conversation he had was Phil was "hey" and "hello".

Hell, if they were roommates, might as well spend time actually befriending one another.

Chris and PJ had told Dan that they were roomed together too, and they told him (while Phil was gone) that Phil should be able to open up to Dan soon enough. Chris told him sadly that Phil didn't really use to be like this, acting all moody and shit, in the past he'd been actually friendlier and nicer. It was bugging him that Phil wasn't trying to befriend Dan, and now Dan was pretty determined in actually talking to Phil.

So you could imagine how surprised Dan was once he left his final class and found Phil standing there, a few feet away from the door. He was wearing his glasses and looked like he was in a trance. Dan didn't know what to do — Phil wasn't making any sign of recognition towards him, until Dan had awkwardly cleared his throat. Then, Phil snapped out of his daze and stepped towards him.

"Dan." Phil said, nodding.

"Phil." Dan replied, he was about a few inches shorter than the black haired teen. "Do you need something?"

Phil cocked his head to the side slightly; he appeared to be in deep thought. "No, I don't. Not really."

Dan didn't know what else _to_ say, Phil wasn't saying anything else, he was just looking at Dan with a newfound curiosity. Dan had begun to fix his fringe subconsciously as he waited for the other teen to just say _something,_ anything. Then Phil spoke, in a quiet voice. "D'you wanna grab dinner with me?" It took a while for Dan to actually take that last part in.

" _What_?" Dan asked, not sure if he heard correctly.

"Do you want to grab dinner with me?" Phil asked, more slowly. He looked slightly embarrassed, his blue eyes were glancing everywhere except at Dan. Then he looked down at the brown haired teen, who's eyes were widened slightly on how direct Phil was. And then he smiled, and nodded slowly. "Er, yeah, sure." Phil then nodded, and turned away, but not before looking back, seeing that Dan was actually following him.

Once Phil had turned away again, Dan was smiling.

* * *

They ate together in the dining hall.

It was silent at first, the only sound was their utensils clinging against each other as the two of them both ate their meals — Dan, macaroni and cheese with chicken wings, and Phil, a small bowl of fruit and a baked potato. Dan watched as Phil stabbed a grape with his fork, and ate it slowly. He smiled to himself, maybe he could get used to these kinds of things.

He already knew some more stuff about Phil — sometimes he pulled all-nighters in the dorm. He liked wearing plaid and colorful shirts, although his personality was almost the opposite from that. Phil wore glasses so he could see better, heck, anyone who wore glasses needed them to see better, but Phil wore them occasionally. He had contacts, Dan saw him putting them on one morning. Phil also had really pretty eyes. Dan liked looking at them, some days it seemed like they changed color.

He never saw Phil smile, either, which was strange because Chris and PJ both told Dan that Phil used to smile, like a lot, even more than Chris. _He was a smiler,_ Chris had said. _Was, as in past tense. We rarely see those kinds of grins anymore, it usually pops up when we're out partying._ It made Dan's curiosity about Phil increase. He wondered what happened that made Phil so moody.

"What are you taking for Foreign Language?" Dan then asked quietly.

Phil looked slightly taken aback to be asked that question; he probably assumed that Dan was 99% quiet. He took a bite of potato before answering, and looked up from his meal. He was wearing his glasses this time, but his blue eyes were still bright as ever. They reflected the color of Phil's blue t-shirt he was wearing under his black zip-up hoodie. "German. You?"

"French." He replied, as he ate his macaroni.

"Oh, right." Phil said. "Isn't Chris in the same class as you?"

"Yeah." Dan said, relieved that this conversation was finally going somewhere. Phil was looking at him with interest, Dan felt slightly uncomfortable at the intenseness of Phil's gaze. It was a few minutes before Phil said anything else. "You have any family? Siblings?" Phil asked, as he poked his strawberry, making it roll around in his bowl.

Dan nodded. "I have a brother."

"Same here," Phil said. There was a hint of a smile on his face. "Annoying, aren't they?"

"I think mine's fine, actually."

He snorted. "Mine can be fucking aggravating, especially when I'm trying to listen to music."

"What bands do you listen to?" asked Dan, tilting his head to one side. He took another spoonful of macaroni, and gulped it down, looking back at Phil, who seemed hesitant to answer. Then he sighed, and fixed his fringe, almost similar to the way Dan fixed his.

Phil shrugged. " _My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy_ , _Muse_ , stuff like that." Dan's eyes widened.

"Hey, that's cool. So do I. What a coincidence, huh?" Dan said slowly.

The black haired boy shrugged again in response, and finished off the rest of his meal. He stood up to empty his tray and came back to the table, his head in between his hands. "Yeah, maybe..." Dan continued on eating his chicken wings as a comfortable silence passed by. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he finished the rest of his dinner. After he emptied the tray and put it on top of a trash can, he sat back where Phil was sitting.

He was looking at him softly, his eyes narrowed slightly. Dan decided to say something.

"You know... I'm glad we talked."

Phil snapped out of his daydream. "What?"

"It's nice that I'm finally getting to know you." Dan said, refusing to lose his streak of confidence he had just gotten. "After all these weeks. I thought you hated me. You never talked to me or anything. It was like we didn't know the other existed." Dan looked up at Phil, who looked surprised.

Silence.

"But I don't hate you." Phil said, confused. "I never hated you."

At that moment, Dan felt a huge weight being lifted off his shoulders. "That... that's good, I guess. I don't hate you either." He looked back up at Phil, and gave him a small smile. "It's just... yeah." Feeling slightly embarrassed again, Dan fixed his fringe. A few minutes later, Phil stood up. Bewildered, Dan looked up at him, into those blue eyes of his.

"Come on." Phil said. He turned around, his back facing Dan so he couldn't see his expression. "Let's go back to the room."

Dan blinked.

Phil looked back at him — Dan almost fell out of his seat. He was _smiling._

"Come on, you lazy ass." Phil said, with more urgency. Yep, he was grinning. It was a full-fledged, _genuine_ smile, and it was making Dan's heart pound loudly against his chest — for what reason (or any reason), he had _no fucking idea._ "You're my roommate, remember?"

It wasn't until a minute later that he stood up too.

"Okay," Dan said, returning the grin.

He couldn't seem to stop smiling, not even after they entered their room.

* * *

 **A/N:** aeurggghgh i'm DONE! and oooof, it didn't really come out the way i wanted it to, but oh well. it should get better, _hopefully_

and i hope i'll be able to update this more often too oops

hope you enjoyed!

-choco xx


	2. coffee

**A/N:** hey friends so i have a lot of inspiration for this story and wow yeah i think i'll enjoy writing this one because COLLEGE! and yeah, ahahaha. it's gonna be really fun writing this, i can tell already ah! and, thank you **Kandyskullz88** and **Sara Mason Cullen** for reviewing! :)

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with some kickthestickz.

 **disclaimer:** disclaimed

 **setting:** college AU

enjoy!

* * *

 **II.**

coffee

—

 _._

 _._

 _._

Ever since then, Dan's convinced that he and Phil's relationship is _something_.

They've began talking more recently, and Phil's no longer ignoring his presence as much as he used to during lunch, which improves Dan's mood. When passing by each other occasionally in the halls, they give each other a small nod — one rare day, Dan had smiled at Phil, and the brown haired boy thought he imagined it, but he thinks that he saw Phil grinning back at him. It's weird, but Dan always feels giddy whenever he manages to make Phil smile, even if it's just a scoff or a smirk.

Chris and PJ have also noticed the change in the way the two of them have been treating each other lately. After Phil had to leave early during lunch for his Art class, Chris immediately turned around and wiggled his eyebrows at Dan the moment Phil was out of earshot. On the other hand, PJ's grinning, but he looks generally embarrassed. Chris smirks at Dan, who's eyebrows are raised in slight apprehension. "What?" He demands. Although Dan's known the two of them for a few weeks, he feels like he's known them for years _._ Judging by Chris's reaction, Dan's suspects that he's about to say something dirty.

"So... You and Phil, eh?" Chris says, smirking. "When you guys hook up, I expect delicious details."

Dan nearly chokes on his pasta, but feels his face heat up at the same time. "That's _disgusting_."

"You know it's true."

"I don't even like him like that!" Dan protests, but he's cut off by Chris's ridiculous kissy noises. Dan can't help but laugh as he throws a spare plastic fork at Chris, having it land directly on his head, earning a loud yelp from said person. PJ laughs from Dan's other side, and he shakes his head as he crosses his arms. He's still smiling as he looks down.

"Yeah, _yet._ " Chris doesn't need to remove the fork from his head, gravity does the job for him by causing it to collapse on the benches they're sitting on. Dan doesn't even bother on arguing any further, he knows that his friends could see his face tomato red. Despite the humorous situation, Chris's green eyes are glittering with seriousness, which is surprising — coming from him. "But honestly, something's happening between you two." He says, referring to Dan and Phil. He raises an eyebrow. "You certainly have been looking happier lately."

"Well, we're actually maintaining conversation now." Dan replies as he finishes the last of his dish. "And he's an interesting person."

Chris giggles, and this time PJ sighs in exasperation. " _Chris_. Calm down."

"It's not every day that I witness a beautiful love story blossoming, just like ours," Chris remarks, smirking, as his eyes dart over to PJ. In response to that, PJ facepalms, and Chris keeps talking. "Anyway, later. Gotta catch my next subject." He winked at Dan, blew a kiss to PJ, and then left, sassily walking away. Once _he's_ out of earshot, Dan turns to PJ, who looks in between mortified and in slight admiration.

Then Dan shakes his head. "Well."

PJ smiles apologetically. "You'll know something's wrong if Chris isn't spouting any dirty jokes. It takes a while to get used to it."

Dan agrees with him on that one.

* * *

It's the middle of Biology and Dan can't stop thinking about Chris's remarks on his and Phil's friendship, or acquaintanceship. Either way, he's not so sure how to feel about it — all he knows is one thing, there's no way that he likes Phil. Dan firmly shakes his head, closing his eyes as he does so. _No._ It's just Chris being weird again, there's no way that would ever happen, Dan and Phil barely even knew each other. Er, okay, maybe that last bit's wrong — but he seriously doesn't like Phil like that.

But there's absolutely _no way_ that it would happen.

 _Sure,_ Phil's eyes are probably the most beautiful thing Dan has ever seen in a pair of someone's eyes, and that's saying something. They're multicolored; some days Phil's eyes are blue, other days they're green, or sometimes the occasional gray. And then there are times they were those three colors mixed together into one, and it really looks nice. Phil also does wear glasses, but he doesn't wear them a lot of times. In the times that Phil does wear his glasses, a small part of Dan's brain _highly_ thinks that they suit him really well.

Dan sighs in frustration as he tries to focus on his class assignment.

Next to him, PJ nudges him. Dan snaps out of his thoughts and blinks, frowning back PJ, wondering why he'd done that. His friend's eyes are widened in expectation, and when Dan continues to look at him with confusion, another voice speaks out from the front. With a jolt Dan realizes that it's his Biology teacher who was speaking — did he just ask a question? Dan exchanges a glance with PJ, who's eyebrow is raised.

"Mr. Howell?" His teacher frowns.

"Er... Yes?" Dan says timidly, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment.

In response, his Biology teacher sighs and shakes his head. "Pay more attention in class, Daniel. Next time, I won't be so lenient." He goes on and returns to his lecture, and both PJ and Dan exhale in relief that it's not anything else. _Daniel._ Dan's nose crinkles at the sound of his full name; he had never thought of himself asa _Daniel_ — everyone in his life that he knew always had called him by ' _Dan._ ' Just, _Dan_ , and nothing else. No one's ever called him Daniel, exactly, except teachers and sometimes his mother when she gets frustrated at him. " _Daniel_ _James Howell,_ " she'd always say.

His thoughts wander off to Phil again — he forgot that his actual name was Philip.

Dan cracks a smile as he stares at his worksheet. _Philip Lester._ Come to think of it, he's never heard anyone call Phil, _Philip_. To Dan, Phil was more like a Phil than a Philip. He chuckles quietly, running a hand through his hair. It's an interesting thing, to have an actual name and to not be called by it. Dan desperately tries to pay attention in Biology for the rest of the class period, but he can't help it.

He's too busy thinking about Phil.

* * *

After the final bell signaling class has ended rings, Dan immediately is the first one out the door.

He knows for a fact that it being a Friday, a whole shitload of students were going to be out partying. _It's a college thing_ , Dan assumes. A lot of students were usually out hanging out or partying almost every day of the week, even though there were classes the next day. Maybe it's a way to get all of the stress out of you. But Dan doesn't really care much about it, for he highly prefers going back to the room rather than going to a bar and getting drunk.

As he approaches room 326, he notices that the door is slightly open.

Dan frowns and fishes in his pockets to pull out his phone, clicking the on button to display the time. 5:35... Hmm. It's strange since even after class officially ends until the next day, Phil doesn't usually show up at the room until six o' clock or so, Dan suspects that because he probably works half-time somewhere, which probably causes him to arrive later.

The brown haired boy pushes the door open more, and is more than surprised when he sees Chris and PJ sitting on both his and Phil's beds. They're in the middle of discussing something, but they immediately cut off when Dan walks in the room, feeling a bit disgruntled that they've somehow managed to break in, or _something._ His brow furrows as he addresses Chris, who's smiling innocently. He closes the door behind him, and sighs loudly.

"How the hell did you get in?" Dan demands. He holds up his room key, dangling it in front of Chris's face. "I'm pretty sure that Phil and I are the only ones with the same room key." He tilts his head to the side and crosses his arms. Chris holds up his hands in surrender, as PJ smirks. "Cough up." Dan extends an open palm to PJ, but he shakes his head.

"We're not giving it up that easily. We may or may not have a spare for your room, I mean." PJ then pipes up, holding a key looking very similar to Dan's. Dan blinks, as PJ grins. "It's alright mate, we're not going to break in as often as everyday, we just wanted to see what your room looks like, cause we haven't seen it yet." His green eyes flicker to the posters on Dan's side of the wall, and Phil's as well. "It's pretty cool."

Chris then throws something at Dan — out of instinct, he catches it, surprisingly. _Room 538_ , the key reads. Dan raises an eyebrow. "It's our room key," Chris says, explaining, as he swings his legs excitedly, like a two year old. "It's only fair, isn't it?" Dan snorts in response, taking a seat next to PJ, who scoots over since he's sitting on Dan's bed.

"I guess," he responds, and at that same moment, the door opens once more and Phil walks in.

He stops mid-stride as he realizes Chris and PJ are in the room, smiling goofily at him. His blue eyes widen — he's not wearing his glasses this time. He looks a bit windblown, and tired. Dan bites back a giggle, waiting for his reaction. Nonetheless, Phil frowns as his eyes flicker back and forth to the duo. "And what the fuck are you doing here inside my room?" he asks.

Chris starts. "Welcome back Philly! Have fun?"

"Shut _up_ , Chris." Phil groans. "Don't call me that. And I barely had fun, I had work, you idiot."

"You're such a Debbie Downer," Chris replies, waving him off. He gets up and dusts himself off before walking to the door, PJ behind him. "well, we'll take our leave now. It seems like we're not _wanted_ here." The last few words come out with a choking noise, like a fake-cry. All three of them (besides Chris) roll their eyes. After Chris dramatically makes his exit (but not before making an obvious wink towards Dan), PJ bid them both goodbye, closing the door behind him.

The door makes a _click,_ and it's back to just Dan and Phil again.

Phil shakes his head. "I still don't know how they've managed to get in." He's wearing a galaxy-like hoodie this time, and Dan thinks it's pretty cool — it makes Phil seem like a guy who likes space rather than some guy trying to be cool and getting the galaxy hoodie. The black haired teen sits on his bed and sighs as he massages his temples in his hands.

"They've gotten a spare key, somehow." Dan replies to Phil's previous question. He's wondering where Phil has been, but doesn't pry. Instead he turns to his backpack and pulls out the homework his American History teacher had assigned him, and groans inwardly. Dan sets it on top of his desk and continues rummaging through his things before yanking out a French worksheet, cursing under his breath as he realizes he has to translate a whole load of English to French.

On the other bed, Phil laughs without humor. "Huh. I'm not surprised, honestly." He glances over to Dan's papers he'd set out neatly on his table, and Phil looks at the French one. "Someone's French teacher is an asshole." Dan rolls his eyes as he plucks the paper out of Phil's hands, earning a small smile from Phil. Dan grins back, and shakes his head as he reads over the worksheet, sighing.

"He always does this to us," Dan complains. "I'm going to fail French."

Phil smirks as he brushes some of his hair out of his face. "You're gonna do better than me, anyway."

"Yeah, considering you don't even _take_ French."

"The thought counts."

Dan looks up from his French worksheet — Phil's grinning again. "Shut up!" He says, laughing, as he throws his eraser at Phil, who dodges it. The eraser lands gently on the wall and plops on Phil's mattress. "I can't focus if you're here bothering me." Phil snorts as he throws Dan's eraser back at him, making it hit Dan's hand softly. Dan shoots him a look, but doesn't say anything in response.

The two of them sit in silence for a few comfortable minutes as Dan scribbles out French translations.

"Where do you work at anyway?" Dan then decides to say. He looks back at Phil, who had kicked off his shoes revealing one red and black checkered sock and another polka dot sock on his left foot, which was green and blue. The black haired boy tilts his head, as if he's deciding whether or not to tell him. Then he sighs, and swipes a hand through his hair. He looks down at his mattress. "A coffee shop."

Dan raises his eyebrows; he thought Phil worked in a bar or something. "That's pretty surprising," he says in all honesty. Phil already had a half-time job, and he was still just in his first year of college — but that makes sense all the better. Then Dan smirks. "Do they like you over there?"

Phil snorts. "Yeah. It's just it can be a bit boring sometimes. I usually see the same people every day."

"I don't think that's a bad thing," Dan blurts out before thinking. He hesitates. "I'm pretty sure they'd like it if you remembered their orders."

Phil looks up at him, blinking. "I do. And you're right, they do like it. I can tell." He rests his head on the wall, and Dan returns to scribbling out the rest of his French translations. He's finishing up when Phil speaks to him again. "You know, Dan?" The other teen doesn't look up right away — he's writing the last translation, but even though he does it messily he puts his pencil down, and sighs. Then he looks at Phil, nodding. "Yeah?"

His head is still rested against the wall. Only his blue eyes move as they flicker over to Dan. "You're weird."

"Uh, thanks?" Dan's not sure if it was meant to be offensive, but he smiles anyway.

Phil then removes his head from the wall, and looks at Dan quite seriously. Then he grins — his tongue is poking out to the side in between his teeth, and Dan's pulse gradually rises faster as he watches Phil smile. _It's amazing._ He keeps his mouth shut, however, and frowns as his roommate shakes his head. "You're impossible. I wasn't finished yet." He smirks as he brushes his black fringe to the side. "But it's like an _interesting_ weird, you see what I mean?"

"Well, thanks... I guess?"

Phil laughs, and it goes on for a while as Dan stares, incredulous, at Phil, who's gasping for air now. "No, no... It's a nice thing. It's a compliment, I guess you can say." His blue eyes soften. "You're a pretty interesting roommate, and you make good company." He smiles as he places his head between his knees. "Is that better?"

Dan can't help but grin back, as he looks over his French paper. But mostly he does that so Phil won't be able to see his red face. He's still smiling rather goofily as he looks back at Phil, who gives him a small smile in return. _You're an interesting roommate._

"I could say the same about you," Dan just replies, smiling shyly at him.

Phil smiles back, and the two of them grin at each other for a while.

* * *

The next day, Dan decides to grab lunch outside of the dining hall.

Although it's technically a small snack and not even lunch, he informs Chris and PJ this and Chris suggested visiting this coffee shop that's a few minutes away from campus, so Dan can basically walk there. However, Dan felt slightly uneasy, after bidding goodbye to the two of them Chris turned excitedly to PJ and had a malicious and cunning smile on his face. Dan's still thinking about it as he pulls on his student ID lanyard around his neck. _What are they planning?_

But Dan disregards it; it's cold and he's feeling in the mood for coffee anyway. Once he reaches the door, he opens it and almost welcomes the warm blast of air that hits him, making his hair ruffle a little bit. He steps inside and looks around, his two hands both stuffed inside his coat pockets. There are some people inside the store as well, either lounging on soft chairs or seated at the wooden tables. Dan recognizes some other people that go to the same college as he, this seemed like a pretty popular place to visit.

Dan smiles as he continues observing his surroundings, it's a very cozy place. He goes up to the cashier to order a caramel macchiato as he digs in his wallet to see if he has enough to pay for it — aha, he does. Holding a five pound note in his hand, he walks up but immediately widens his eyes. The cashier isn't looking at him at first — his head is bowed down, he's not really paying attention. Then he speaks.

"Hi, welcome." The cashier says, as he raises his head up. Dan can't believe it — he knew it was _him,_ but he wasn't completely positive at first. However, the cashier's eyes are closed, and he greets Dan sleepily, saying, "What can I get for you today?" When he finally opens those familiar blue eyes, Dan is grinning at him, on the other hand, Phil stutters as he nearly trips himself taking a step back.

"Dan?" Phil gapes. It's the first time Dan's surprised him, and honestly, he'd never seen his roommate like this before. Phil's expression hardens slightly, but he blinks. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?" He adds quietly, looking to the side. He's wearing a black long sleeved shirt along with black skinny jeans, and over it a white apron. His brow furrows.

"So you _do_ work in a coffee shop!" Dan says.

"No shit, Sherlock." remarks Phil sarcastically. "Now, are you here to order something? I don't have time to chat."

Dan shrugs. "Chris told me to go here. And I'd like a caramel macchiato, actually. It's cold."

Phil stops to look up from the cashier, giving him a _really_ look. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

As Dan hands Phil the money, he pushes it back, staring at it like it's something off a dirty shoe. Slightly baffled, Dan raises an eyebrow, and offers him it once more, but once again Phil pushes it away from him, shaking his head gingerly. His eyes are narrowed at it, and he can't seem to meet Dan's eyes, increasing the brown haired boy's curiosity. "No... Don't give that to me."

"Uh, how else am I going to pay?"

"You don't." Phil says firmly. His blue eyes are sparked with defiance. "I can't accept that from you."

"Why?"

"It's just." _Just._ "It doesn't feel right. Now take it back."

Dan places it back in his wallet, and can't help but giggle at Phil's stubbornness. As Phil gives the order to another worker, he turns to Dan. Luckily there's no one in line after him, and the people around don't seem to take note of what was happening. " _What_?" The blue eyed teen demands, at Dan's amused expression. Dan shakes his head, and walks away to sit — it's quite funny to him, actually.

 _I can't accept that from you._

Dan adds _stubbornness_ to his list of things that characterize Phil. It's not like he's a creepy stalker observing him and scribbling something down, but it's something made inside Dan's head because he finds Phil to be a very interesting person. He didn't realize he could be _this_ stubborn. And Phil's tone when greeting Dan sounded much friendlier before he recognized him was very nice and welcoming. Dan frowned, and wondered why he wasn't like this all the time. _Friendly. Outgoing._

Maybe something happened. Something with a capital 'S' that caused Phil's personality to alter.

 _He was a smiler._ Chris remarked.

Dan sighs, and when Phil finally calls his name for his drink, Dan snaps out of his thoughts at once. He gets up from the table he's sitting in and makes his way to the counter, where Phil is waiting. He gives Dan a small, crooked smile, and hands the drink to him. Dan smiles back, and Phil begins to leave when Dan speaks again. "Thanks, _Philip._ " He calls, as he clutches his drink in his hands (it's in a to-go coffee container).

Dan is still looking back when Phil rolls his eyes.

"You're welcome, _Daniel._ "

After Dan leaves the shop and makes it back to campus, he doesn't realize that he's grinning stupidly at himself before Chris points it out. Lunch isn't quite over yet, and as soon as Dan approaches their table, macchiato in hand, Chris and PJ immediately swivel around to look at him. PJ is grinning, and Chris is wiggling his eyebrows. It then dawns on Dan that they probably did this _on purpose._ At this, Dan dies on the inside.

"Did you have fun?" Chris asks, as PJ bursts out into giggles.

Dan has to hide himself behind his drink, for he's blushing.

A _lot._

* * *

 **A/N:** aaaa i'm done! this is uploaded faster because i'm actually really very hyped up for this story. so _yes,_ Phil works at a coffee shop! it's not quite a coffee shop centered AU though, but mentions of it will be in the fanfic to provide info on Phil's half-time job yoooo

also, i'm sick. UGH. i can't breathe through my nose fml

another thing: thank you for those who reviewed/faved/followed, it really means a lot, especially if someone is sick and miserable until they check their email to see the notification! (: i'll go back to burying myself with tissues now..

-choco xx


	3. rain

**A/N:** AAAH I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING ON SCHEDULE SOBS but there was a lot of school events and stuff and yeah that's why i couldn't really get on the mac and update a chapter, as much as i wanted to, but eh oh well (also procrastination). i'm here now and that's all that matters yEAH YEAH okay let's get started

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with some kickthestickz.

 **disclaimer:** dan and phil are not mine!

 **setting:** college AU

* * *

 **III.**

rain

—

.

.

.

Things are starting to get easier (and better) for Dan ever since he's actually getting used to the college life.

The thought of living in a dorm with another human being is also a nice feeling. After all, he's actually gotten used to Phil a lot more now. It feels weird and slightly cheesy to admit it, but it's true. The two of them usually talked to each other on a daily basis — Phil would sometimes tell him about things that happened during his work, Dan would tell him stuff about his classes, and basically the general idea is that they actually _know_ each other now.

Dan also admits deep, _deep_ down that he enjoys having Phil for company. He's actually pretty cool, and even though Phil uses a lot of profanity in his words, Dan doesn't really mind it. He really was an interesting person, but Dan's sure that he doesn't know his roommate _that_ well enough yet, not as well as Chris and PJ do. The brown haired teen's not sure of how long the three of them had known each other, but they probably have for a really long time now.

Dan's really glad that he's friends with them, because they are quite an interesting and great group of friends. He's happy that he met them.

The only time the four of them are actually together in one place is mainly lunch, but this doesn't stop Dan's classmates and teachers from calling the four of them "The Fantastic Foursome." It's funny because it seems like they've known each other for a long time, even though Dan was recently added to the small group just a few weeks/months ago. All four of them find the name actually pretty funny (yes, even Phil) and now often use it as an 'unofficial, official group name.'

Since it's getting colder, Dan's been visiting the place where Phil works at more often, the coffee shop. Phil's usually working on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, from either 5:30-9:15, or from 11:50-1:15. The coffee shop is actually pretty decent, and Dan likes it there since the atmosphere is really cozy and warm, and the drinks are also pretty tasty. The people that work there also got to know who Dan was, him being sometimes a regular customer, and other times because Phil's talking to him while he's on his shift.

So basically, life has been good for him so far. Even though French is still a pain in the ass, Dan can say that he's starting to enjoy college. And it seems like he's always looking forward to going back to his dorm at the end of each day. Sometimes it's a bit quieter when Phil's away working, but when he comes back later Dan always greets him with a grin, always having something new to tell him.

They're friends on some level, Dan and Phil. Not close enough like Chris and PJ, but they're good friends. Phil usually teases Dan about the things he does and him in general sometimes, and Dan does the same. They relate to a lot of things, and they have the same music taste, which is also pretty cool. There are times when Phil is sometimes in a bad mood, and usually when that happens he doesn't really talk much, and Dan just usually returns to his homework.

He's not sure what happened that made Phil like this, he remembers Chris and PJ telling him that he used to be much happier. Chris always told Dan that it's a good thing Phil's not acting worse, much, _much_ worse, because both Chris and PJ have seen that side of him before. He's also told Dan that it's nice to see that Phil's starting to open up more to him, and even though Dan's still not sure if that was supposed to be suggestive, he's still relieved that Phil's accepting him nevertheless.

"Dan? Dan? DAN? DAN HOWELL? Earth to Dan!"

Said boy snaps out of his daydream when he drops a piece of noodle on his lap. Dan's forgotten that he zoned out during lunch, and now Chris is looking at him with a mixture of pleasure and apprehension in his expression. PJ's laughing, and next to Dan, Phil cracks a small smile. Slightly embarrassed, Dan flicks off the noodle on his lap, and dusts his jeans off, setting his spork back down on his tray. "Did you say something?"

Chris laughs. "Have you ever walked out of your house with no pants on?"

"What the hell? No. Why?"

"Just asking questions to get to know you better."

"That makes no sense at all."

"Since when did Chris ever make _any_ sense, again?" PJ then cuts in, and each of them start laughing, including Chris. He rolls his green eyes and fixes his fringe as the rest of them continue on laughing. Dan's sides are starting to hurt when Chris is arguing that _no, he's not making immature jokes 99% of the time_ and that he actually can be serious once in a while. Although no one believes Chris, it's still pretty funny.

Dan removes himself out of the conversation because he notices that Phil's actually joking and laughing along with the rest of them. Phil's not really paying attention to Dan as he's talking to Chris and PJ about whatever, but it's a really nice thing to see. Dan likes it when he makes Phil smile, even if it might just be a smirk or a scoff. It shows that he's comfortable around him.

And plus, his laugh is pretty soothing.

He refuses to share that with Chris and PJ because he knows they're going to tease him about it again.

But it's true.

Dan breaks his gaze off of Phil at that point, and all of a sudden makes eye contact with Chris, who's smiling creepily. Dan raises an eyebrow in confusion, but not before Chris's smile turns into a smirk. He also raises an eyebrow, and at that point Dan breaks off his gaze and chooses to take an interest in his cup of noodles sitting in front of him. He's not looking at Chris anymore, but he knows that he's still smirking in his direction.

And _he_ says he's not making immature jokes 99% of the time.

* * *

After class ends later that day, Dan's kind of tired and he's not really in the mood to do his homework.

So he does something that he's _really_ good at: procrastinate. And even though it's not really a wise decision, it sure does help take his mind off things. After all, it's still just 4:32. He has a Biology test tomorrow on whatever it was he was learning. He knows that he's probably going to end up failing, but what can you do? Phil's not in the room, either, so Dan's just laying on his bed as he thinks of something to do.

It's a Tuesday, which means that Phil _isn't_ working, so what the hell was he doing right now? Usually he'd be back around this time, maybe one of his lessons were taking a little bit longer than usual? What if he was in detention? Or making up a test? Dan frowned. He wasn't exactly sure on why he was _this_ worried. Phil was fine. He should be, anyway. Dan takes this moment to swing himself off his mattress, and looks outside the small window.

The sky is gray and cloudy, and it looks like it's going to rain soon. It's the kind of days Dan likes, because it's still suitable for wearing sweaters and drinks that warm you on the inside. He sighs as he watches his breath fog up the glass, and then turns away from his window. He's about to sit back on his bed when the door to his room opens, and Chris and PJ walk in, both smiling and sweater-clad.

At this point, Dan's used to Chris and PJ's constant breaking in. They've done it enough that Dan had stopped flinching every time he heard the door open. Even Phil had stopped jumping in surprise when Chris would yell in greeting and stomp on the ground obnoxiously loudly. Even so, Dan gives the two of them a small smile as Chris takes a seat on Phil's bed, and PJ sits down on Dan's.

"Hey." Chris then says. "Phil's not back yet?"

Dan sighs as he sweeps a hand through his hair. "No... I don't know why he's not here."

"Hmm." PJ mumbles. "Is he answering his cellphone?"

Dan shakes his head no. Phil had given him his number to Dan a while back, when they started talking. "It went straight to voicemail."

"Hmm. What are you supposed to be doing then, huh? Now that Phil's not here?" Chris asks, and Dan rolls his eyes — even though he can't help but grin at his obvious suggestive remark. He's not surprised, honestly. "You guys seem like you do _everything_ together. Am I right, or am I right?" Chris then finishes, and Dan snorts.

"Actually, you're wrong," he says, picking up his pencil on his desk and pointing the eraser at Chris. "we don't have any classes together. The most we actually talk is in here. And also, we don't do everything together, Chris, don't jump to conclusions." Dan raises his eyebrows at the other male, who pouts and crosses his arms.

He brushes a strand of hair away from his face before talking again. "You may not do anything together now, but that won't stop me from seeing the two of you as a couple. Have you seen the way you two look at each other? It was a match made in _heaven,_ basically. But even your invincible love won't beat mine and Peej's." At that, PJ facepalms, but Chris isn't finished. "I know for a fact that you two talk the most here. Sitting in this dorm is like a national monument. Ten years from now there will be a plaque on the door reading 'Dan and Phil's dorm room,' and the caption will read 'the two teenagers often spent most of their time here, talking to each other before they shortly fell in love.'"

Dan and PJ exchange exasperated looks. "That's ridiculous," Dan then says, and then mumbles the rest. "I don't like him like that."

"Pffft, yeah right. Look me in the eyes and say it." Chris just replies simply, shrugging, while Dan avoids his gaze, feeling his cheeks burning. Chris is still smiling though, and then changes the subject to avoid the awkwardness. "By the way, have you checked if Phil's at the coffee shop?" His green eyes are curious.

Dan frowns, placing his pencil back on his desk, and leans back on the wooden surface. He runs a hand through his dark hair in deep thought, blinking. "He's not working today, is he? It's Tuesday, and no — I haven't gone there at all today." He looks up at Chris suspiciously, and sure enough Chris is now smirking. "What?" Dan demands.

"Nothing, nothing. But surely, that's the most likely place he might be at."

PJ taps his chin thoughtfully. "You might be right, for once."

"For _once_?" As Chris retorts back to PJ's remark, Dan bites his bottom lip. He glances out the window — the sky is still choked with gray clouds, and it looks like it's drizzling outside. But he _is_ wondering where Phil is... and also, Dan kind of is in the mood for a hot drink. Dan doesn't say anything for a couple of moments, but he's sure that he's probably worried about Phil anyway. He clenches his fists, and sighs. "Maybe I'll go and check..."

Chris stops talking, and this time he's serious for once. "But you know Dan, you really shouldn't worry. He should be fine."

The brown haired teen doesn't respond. Instead, his eyes trailed over to the clock sitting on his desk — 4:56, it reads. He relaxes for a bit. Chris is right. Phil should be back soon... he doesn't understand why he's worrying this much. Dan shakes his head as he sits down on his chair, exhaling. "Yeah, okay. If you say so." After that, silence falls on the three of them, and then Chris starts snickering.

"I mean, if you're _that_ worried then by all means you can go — "

"Shut up."

* * *

Dan ends up studying for that stupid Biology exam that he has the next day.

Chris and PJ left a long time ago. Dan doesn't remember what time they said they were going to get dinner — was that around 7:45? He's not sure himself, but the clock on his desk reads 9:25. It's that late already? Dan must've been so bored that he _had_ to end up studying, which sucked. His worries about Phil had kind of increased, even though Chris and PJ were assuring him that he should be perfectly okay.

For the millionth time, Dan's eyes trailed over to the clock, which now read 9:26. Phil should've been back by now. He should've came back a long time ago, but he _still wasn't here,_ for some reason. Dan himself was feeling a mixture of emotions such as slightly aggravated and worried, he wasn't sure if he was annoyed or worried more. It was kind of a weird and confusing feeling, he was arguing whether or not he would go and find him.

 _He might be at the coffee shop._ Chris's words echoed in his mind. Surely, that would be where he was. But why would he have been gone so late? It was nearing ten, and Dan's worries were growing. Soon enough, the words on the paper he was studying became blurred, and all he could think about was why the fuck Phil wasn't back yet. What the hell was he doing, anyway? And _why_ was Dan so worried? He couldn't even explain these things!

"That's it." Dan then says as he gets up from the chair. "That's _it._ " He's going to find him.

And with that, he dusts off his black jeans, and pulls on his dark gray hoodie, the one with the horns on the hood. He slips his phone into his pants pocket and as Dan yanks his shoes on, he looks outside the window — it was indeed raining. The sky was a gloomy gray-ish black color, and Dan groaned. Of all the days Phil chose to come home late, it was this one. It was _pouring_ outside, but Dan didn't have an umbrella, just his kind of warm jacket.

He pulls his hood on and then leaves the room, closing the door shut behind him, and locking it. The keys were safe in his jeans pocket, but all Dan was focused on was Phil's whereabouts. Dan makes his way across the hall and soon enough, exits the door leading to the outside, and the college campus. The first thing he notices is that there's still some people out, doing whatever. The second thing he notices is that it's _really freaking cold._ The soles of his shoes are wet with rainwater already, and it's freezing.

Although it's pouring, Dan can still kind of make out where he's going, and fortunately, he _has_ remembered where the coffee shop was located. With that, he stuffs his hands into his pants pockets and walks as fast as he can under the rain, praying that he wouldn't get struck by lightning. Which probably _wouldn't_ happen, but Dan is _very_ accident prone, and he has had many near death experiences in the past.

He's soaking wet and just about frustrated with his life when he _finally_ sees it.

Even though Dan's exhausted and his socks are cold, Dan runs to the coffee shop, and takes shelter under the building. He takes a few deep breaths, and shakes his head. That was probably the most exercise that he's done... since, well, forever. It's a good thing that the shop doesn't close till midnight, and fortunately there are still people inside the cafe, mostly studying.

In one swift motion, Dan opens the door and greets the warm air blasting on him.

"Welcome!" A girl's voice says, Dan doesn't know who it is but still he smiles at her in greeting. He frowns as he looks around — ignoring some of the students' awed looks at him, since he's soaked from head to toes. His sneakers make a squishing noise when he moves, and he's out of breath as well. But he doesn't see him. Dan's starting to panic now; if Phil wasn't here at the coffee shop, then where the _hell_ was he?

He decides to ask the person at the counter, maybe they knew where he was.

"Hi," Dan says, as he walks up to the cashier, who is a female. She blinks up at him, slightly confused. "Yes? Are you ordering something tonight?" It's the same voice that greeted him earlier when he had walked in the building. He frowns for a bit, thinking of how he should word what he was trying to say. Then she speaks up before he does. "Are you looking for someone?"

"Um... Yeah." He murmurs. "I'm looking for someone named Phil Lester."

"Phil Lester... ?" She then says kindly, looking around. Then she grabbed what seemed to be a timecard, and frowned. "Hmm, he shouldn't be working today... but it looks like his shift ended just a few minutes ago." She frowned slightly. "He shouldn't be too far from here, but you should be careful when walking in the rain, do you have an umbrella?" _Looks like his shift ended a few minutes ago._ At this point Dan's not even listening anymore — his head is spinning and he feels like he's going to stumble.

"No, no, it's fine. Thank you!" He shouts, as he exits the shop once again. Once he's out, he flips out his phone and presses Phil's contact name, praying that he would pick up. It rang once, twice, three times, four times... and then it when to his voicemail. "Just pick up already, you idiot!" Dan whisper-shouted, as each time he called him it went straight to voicemail. _Where was he?_

Then he stopped calling, and just stared at Phil's contact in his phone, the raindrops hitting the street softly. The rain doesn't look like it's about to stop soon, and Dan's now extremely worried. Why isn't Phil answering his phone? Where was he? Surely if he left a few minutes ago then Dan would've bumped into him by now... right? He doesn't know what to do except turn off his phone, slipping it back into his pocket.

He's thinking of calling Chris, or PJ. Or maybe not... the two of them would scold him for trying to find Phil. ("He's fine!" they insisted.) But Dan didn't know _where_ he was either. He sighed, and shook his head. Phil's bound to turn up eventually. Dan's not even sure why he's the one fussing over where his roommate was. Chris and PJ weren't even that worried about the situation. And right now, Dan's not sure _what_ to feel. For some reason, he misses Phil — his voice, his blue, _blue_ eyes, his black hair, and well, just him in general.

(He makes a mental note not to tell Chris, he knows what's gonna happen if he does.)

Dan likes Phil, _of course_ , because they're friends, and Phil's an interesting person. He's not _in love_ with him, pfft, despite whatever Chris says, because Chris doesn't even make sense half the time, as proved earlier. But Dan's never met someone like Phil before, not ever. Although Phil was distant from him when they first met, they eventually did become friends. Dan shivers, and puts his sweater sleeves over his hands, cursing Phil under his breath.

"Dan?"

Wow. Now he's hallucinating. It's late at night and the last thing Dan wants to hear is _Phil_ himself, despite his efforts of actually finding him. His eyes are closed — and he's starting to get used to the cold, even though he's still shivering and not really completely dry yet. He draws in a shaky breath, and exhales, as he begins to feel miserable once again.

"Dan!"

Wait. What?

"DAN!"

He wasn't hallucinating, after all. The voice was getting closer. Confused and slightly pissed off, Dan spun around, his eyes open and narrowed — and his heart nearly stops. It's _Phil._ _Phil Lester. Running towards him._ He stopped running when he got close enough, and bent down to catch his breath. In the meantime, Dan could only gape at his roommate's sudden appearance. A flurry of emotions are whirling around in his head, mostly annoyance and relief.

"Dan? Where the hell were _you_?" Phil then says, exasperated.

"Where was _I_? _Where the hell were you?!"_ Dan yells in response; it sounds more like a mixture between a shout and a sob.

"I was working! Where else would I be?" Phil fires back, it sounds like he's shocked that Dan had basically screamed in his face. Dan examines his features — his blue eyes were glaring back at him in the dark. His black hair was soaked from the rain, he wasn't wearing a hood, although it seemed like he was holding an umbrella in his hands. "Why are you even out here anyway? I thought you'd be back in the dorm! I would've saw you if you decided to visit the shop — "

" — you don't normally work on Tuesdays, do you?" Dan interrupts. "You weren't answering my calls, and it's already past ten! Why were you working for so long anyway?"

"I needed to work an extra shift, just today only." Phil then breathes out. "And look, I'm really sorry. I'd forgotten to charge my phone overnight, and it died once I pulled it out to check what time it was." He runs a hand through his wet hair, and sighs, his blue eyes not meeting Dan's brown ones. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you would actually care."

Silence. The rain continued to fall.

"Just..." Dan sighs. "Just don't do it again. Please. Promise me that."

"It's not going to happen again." Phil reassures him.

Dan relaxes, and he finds that all of his frustration has ebbed away by now. He chuckles, and tugs at his sleeves. "I really hate you, by the way." He looks up at Phil, who looks slightly offended. His blue eyes are easy to make out, even in the dark. Phil's wearing a black coat over what seemed to be another sweater underneath. "How come?" Phil complains. "I told you I was sorry already..."

"You disappeared right after your shift ended. You should've been around, but I didn't bump into you on my way here, and I didn't see you inside. You scared the shit out of me. I can't believe I was worried about nothing. Chris was right; you were just working." He huffs, looking back at Phil, his eyes narrowed. He stuffs his hands back into his pockets, trying to warm them up.

Phil's eyes widened. "You were _worried_ about me?"

Dan froze. He wasn't quite expecting that, and didn't realized it slipped from his mouth. Immediately, he felt himself flushing, and found himself looking at his shoes. "Yeah... Er, I was, actually. I'm sorry if it didn't seem that way, but I really do actually care about you..." The more he said, the more Dan felt himself turning red. He couldn't bring himself to say anything more, because if he did, Dan was sure that he would die of embarrassment.

Another silence commenced, a slightly awkward one.

Dan regretted saying it as soon as he said it. But it was true, and since it was true, he couldn't take it back. And he wouldn't. So he just awkwardly stood as he continued watched the rain pour from the sky. It seemed like it would never end. Then he heard Phil start to laugh. Still embarrassed, he looked up at into his roommate's eyes. "What is it?" He muttered.

"It's just... no one's ever said that to me before."

Dan felt his cheeks redden even more at that, and he promptly turned away.

"Well... I guess I need to tell you what happened, too." Phil said softly. "I usually take a shortcut when I leave the place, and it helps get to the dorms faster. When I actually got back to the dorm, Chris and PJ shot out of the doors, and they literally ran into me. The two of them were both soaking wet, and they looked extremely worried. I asked them what was wrong — they said you weren't in the room. Chris asked me where I was, and I told them the same thing I told you, and then he slapped me. I didn't expect that. And then Peej asked me if I ran into you on the way there, I said no, and the two of them exchanged knowing glances. And then Chris told me to go back to the coffee shop, and he gave me an umbrella. After that they went back to the dorm, and at that point, I realized you were actually missing."

He looked back at Phil; this time Phil's fists were clenched.

"I got scared, I'll admit. I was thinking _crap I really hope he didn't leave to find me cause then I'll feel bad_ but then I shook it off, cause my worry was growing. So I ran back over here, and then... I found you. Waiting under the coffee shop building. And honestly, I felt so relieved. I got really worried, because of you and because I might've gotten my ass kicked by Chris if he found out that I might've lost you. And... yeah. That's why I came back."

Dan chuckles. "I _did_ leave to find you, though."

"Yeah, and now I _do_ feel bad." Phil says, but he's smiling. "I guess we were worried about each other."

(Dan also makes a mental note not to tell Chris that.)

Phil then sighs, and gestures to the umbrella he's holding in his hand. "Well, I think we should get back now. We might get sick from the rain." Dan took a step forward, and then he frowned. "Do you only have one umbrella?" He asks, curious, his head cocked a little to the side.

"Um, yeah. Why?" Phil asks. He's already opened it up.

"Nothing." Dan mutters, feeling his face grow warm again. "I think we should take that shortcut you use."

Phil rolls his eyes, and Dan joins him from under the umbrella. It's kind of awkward, because in order not to get wet from the rain, Dan has to stand pretty close to Phil; close enough that he could feel his arm at Dan's side. And Phil's pretty warm, too, on the other hand, Dan is very cold and shivering. "Jeez, Dan, how come you're so cold?" Phil then points out, his blue eyes darting over at him.

"'Cause it's raining, that's why." Dan grumbles, as Phil laughs.

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Soon enough, the two of them trudged through the heavy rain and made it back.

Phil closed the umbrella, and as he opened the door to their room, Dan was happy to find that Chris and PJ were not there, waiting for the two of them. Honestly, Dan was tired — and it was 11:18. He didn't know it was that late already, but a lot of stuff can happen in just two hours. It was pretty chaotic, but Dan was glad that the two of them were back where they belonged.

Luckily there was a heater in their room, and it was warm enough for Dan to stop shivering. "Well, look at us." Phil then sighs, as he crashes onto his mattress. "I probably look like crap, from when I ran in the rain back to the coffee shop..." He fumbles for a mirror, and frowns at his reflection. "I don't look _that_ bad, but I'll definitely have to take a shower tomorrow morning. Are you still cold, Dan?" Phil then says suddenly. Dan looks up from where he was sitting (on his bed) and shrugs.

"I'm not _that_ cold — " he starts to say, but he's interrupted when something warm and heavy lands on him.

He can't see Phil, but he can hear him. "You don't have to lie." Phil says.

It's his coat Phil was wearing earlier. Dan blinks, and then finds himself flushing under the folds of Phil's jacket. "Um... thank you." He says, his voice muffled by the material. He can't help but smile as he sits back up again, wrapping Phil's coat around him. The latter is busy going through his stuff, but Dan thinks that he's hiding his face from him, and it makes Dan smile a bit wider.

"Does your hair often curl when it gets wet?" Phil then says, his eyes darting back to him.

"Yeah — oh, _crap_ , is it curly?" Dan groans. "It's my natural hair, but I really hate it... I look like a Hobbit. Which is why I straighten it every day. But it does do that a lot... ugh." He hides his head under Phil's coat, and looks back up when Phil starts talking again. This time he's shuffling through his school notes. Phil's looking at him now, a bit hesitant. "It doesn't look that bad. I think it looks nice on you, actually."

It's silent, but Dan is furiously tomato red under the folds of Phil's coat. "Um... thanks."

Another silence.

"I'm sorry I worried you earlier." mutters Phil.

Dan smiles a bit at that. "I am too. You should charge your phone."

"I will, don't worry. I know I've said it before, but you're _weird,_ Dan." He chuckles. "No one's ever been like this to me before."

"Not even Chris and PJ?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, they care, they're pretty good friends."

Dan yawns; he's starting to get tired, and Phil's coat is really warm and cozy. "That's nice to hear. But thanks for calling me weird... again." He giggles because he can imagine Phil's expression, his eyes slightly widened, and his eyebrows raised. "You're a weird person too, to be honest. I've never met someone like you before."

"Thanks." He then grins. It's silent once more, and Dan's sure he's about to knock out any moment now, but Phil is still talking. He doesn't seem the slightest bit sleepy, but Dan on the other hand is completely _exhausted_ from the last two hours. "Feeling comfortable, Daniel? Your eyes are barely opening."

Dan shakes his head sleepily, he's too tired to call Phil, Philip. "I have a Biology test tomorrow."

"Hopefully you won't fail it, then." Phil responds. Dan can tell he's smiling. "Goodnight, Dan."

Under Phil's coat, Dan smiles.

"Goodnight, Phil."

* * *

 **A/N:** DONE YAY JEEZ THIS WAS LIKE FIVE THOUSAND PLUS WORDS BUT WAS IT WORTH IT I THINK IT WAS

next chapter should be coming up... SOON! hopefully. love you guys! and thank you for all the favs/follows/reviews! :)

-choco xx


	4. the sky

**A/N:** oh man tweLVE REVIEWS ? oH M Y GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH WOW I DIDN'T KNOW I'D GET THIS mANY REVIEWS HOLY CRAP tHANK YOu i feel so bad in delaying this chapter now.. . i'm so sorry oops bUT HEY I 'M HERE YOU'RE HERE WE'RE ALL HERE YEAH let's get on with this chapter it's a kind of long one haH

 **i also have a wattpad now, if you want to stalk me some more, and read more stories i'll probably be writing on there. the link will be in my profile (if it works?), but if it doesn't, my username is _icelester_. **

**summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with some kickthestickz.

**also, coughs, this chapter is a bit suggestive. nothing steamy happens, but there's mentions of it oops (blame Chris)

 **disclaimer:** Dan and Phil are not mine!

enjoy~

* * *

 **IV.**

the sky

—

.

.

.

 _beep beep beep beep beep_

The alarm on Dan's phone continues to go off as he groans sleepily and winces at the noise — not wanting to get up. His eyes are still closed as he fumbles around for his device, accidentally knocking down a few things as he does so. After knocking a picture frame facedown, Dan sighs grumpily and opens his eyes as he scoops his still beeping phone up, shutting all of his alarms off afterwards.

He doesn't realize he's fallen asleep sitting down until he accidentally hits the back of his head on the wall. After cursing and blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he stands up, and as he does so something heavy drops to the floor. Dan blinks in confusion — it's not his blanket that was on him, wasn't it? It looked like he was sitting on top of it. Before reaching down to grab it, he looks up, noticing that aside from the previous beeping noise — it's completely quiet.

And... _oh._ His roommate's bed is empty. Phil's probably left already.

Immediately, Dan remembers _everything_ that had happened last night. That was just yesterday, wasn't it? Everything that had happened? Which means... Dan lurches forward as he picks up the fallen item — noting that it's indeed _Phil's_ coat (he flushes as he stares at it) _._ Dan places it next to him on his bed, and suddenly, feels his face heating up with embarrassment in all the things that he said to Phil, and vice versa.

 _I guess we were worried about each other._

 _No one's ever said that to me before._

 _It doesn't look that bad. I think it looks nice on you, actually._

Oh, _man._ Dan regrets saying that he was worried about Phil, even though it was true. After all, he _did_ go and try to find him. Although it ended in quite a mess. He still wasn't sure if things would be the same after that. It'd be a bit awkward between him and Phil for a while, probably. And... Chris and PJ. He totally forgot about them, and remembers the moment when Phil mentioned that both Chris and PJ basically told _Phil_ that _Dan_ was looking for him. How mortifying.

Dan wonders if Chris is going to kill him when he shows up for lunch, but on the other hand he needs to get ready for actual class now. As he looks into a mirror, he realizes that his hair is still in fact curly. Dan groans, he's too lazy to straighten it (although he hates his curly hair with a passion). Looking down, he realizes that he's fallen asleep in the clothes that he had worn last night. Dan frowns, and pulls his horned hoodie off, noticing that it's no longer soaked from the rain, but a little damp now. He wrinkles his nose and tosses it back on his mattress, but leaves the shirt he's wearing on, since it's dryer than his sweater. As he looks outside, he notices it's still quite cloudy outside, and it's drizzling lightly. _Stupid rain._

After rummaging through his wardrobe, he pulls on a dark grayish sweater over his head, and removes the previous pair of socks he was wearing (as they are very soaked) from his feet and pulls on two different colored socks. As he does so, he smiles, knowing that he's never seen Phil wear matching socks in the time that he knew him. He shakes his head as he glances at his phone once more, and slips it inside his jeans pocket — before remembering that he has a Biology test today as he yanks on his shoes (which are still wet as well). _Well, fuck._

But Dan doesn't really care if he's going to fail or not; his mind is somewhere else at the moment.

He hums some kind of tune as he throws stuff in his backpack, and swings it over his shoulder. Dan takes one last glance at he and Phil's place, looking from one bed to the other, until he finally sighs and leaves the room, locking the door behind him as he walks to his French class, wondering what would happen later.

* * *

Pretty soon, lunch came.

Dan's humming a song when he approaches the table that he and his friends sit at, and notices that Chris and PJ are already seated there, talking to one another. Phil's not there yet, apparently (which is kind of a relief for Dan). As Dan comes closer to the two of them, he sees Chris and PJ's heads lift up — and at once both of them break out into wide, matching grins. Dan takes a seat and sets his tray down, his eyebrows raised in apprehension, preparing himself for whatever the two of them were going to say.

"You're alive!" Chris then says, spreading out his arms.

Dan can't help but smile and shake his head at Chris's ridiculousness. "Surprised?"

"Of course we are." PJ then pipes up. "You actually did go and try to find him. And we know how hard it was raining yesterday."

"I — " Dan opens his mouth to protest, but stops when he sees both Chris and PJ's knowing looks. "I — I, uh, yeah. About that." He quickly says, placing a hand to his jugular as he grins in embarrassment. He looks back up to see Chris wiggling his eyebrows. " _Shut up._ " However, this doesn't stop Chris and PJ from bursting out into bouts of laughter. Feeling slightly defeated, Dan rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his curly hair. He sighs. He had seen this kind of reaction coming.

PJ stops laughing faster than Chris does, who's now clutching his sides. PJ's light green eyes trail over to Dan's curly hair, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion. "New look, Dan?" He says, gesturing to his hair. Dan shakes his head — and he's about to answer when a new voice interrupts. "Nah, Peej — it's his natural hair." Slightly surprised, Dan looks behind him, and _Phil_ is standing there, smiling softly. He's holding a tray with clam chowder on it. At once, Dan feels his cheeks heat up at his arrival, and promptly looks at his own potato soup instead.

"Hey, Phil." PJ then greets him, smiling. "You're not working today?"

Phil shakes his head. "Since I took a shift yesterday, I'm off today." At these words, Dan remembers the whole fiasco that had happened yesterday, and if possible, blushes even _more._ If Phil notices this, he doesn't say anything regarding it, and Dan is slightly grateful for that.

"How do you know that Dan's hair is naturally curly?" Chris then says, curiously.

"He told me last night." Phil replies, as he swiftly takes a seat besides Dan (who still is furiously blushing).

A kind of awkward silence then ensues.

Dan looks up slightly. His eyes dart over to both Chris and PJ, who's eyebrows are both raised with slight suggestion and have a mixture between a smirk and a smile on their faces. He raises his head completely, and frowns, confused at their sudden reaction. Next to him, Phil is casually stirring his clam chowder, completely oblivious to the current situation. Then Dan coughs, unable to deal with so much awkwardness, addressing the two males in front of him. "Um, what?"

"Did you guys, uh, do _anything_ yesterday? That we should know of?" Chris then says, unable to hide his smile.

Dan is almost afraid to ask. "Like — ?"

"Something that happens when two people like each other very mu — "

Besides Dan, Phil freezes, and he almost drops his spoon inside his soup. On the other hand, Dan wants to sink through the floor and go somewhere — somewhere away from here, that's for sure. He and Dan exchange glances, both of them looking equally shocked and embarrassed. Then the two of them broke off their stare, and Dan could feel his cheeks burning intensely. He glares at Chris, who's now putting his hands up in surrender.

"Hey, I mean if you guys want to keep it private — "

"Shut up." Phil advised.

Chris grins, despite Phil's rude response. "Okay."

After that, PJ awkwardly starts a new subject, and pretty soon the four of them are just talking about school, and just random crap in general. It's something that Dan is grateful for, and the previous tension fades away, replaced with now loud laughter and constant jokes. The three of them do remark on how Dan's natural hair is curly (much to Dan's mutters about his hate for his Hobbit hair), and a few times into the conversation, Dan is aware that Phil glances at him quite often. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't looking at Phil multiple times either.

Phil then leaves early, having said that he has to catch his next class — and pretty soon, it's just the three of them again.

The first thing Chris does is click his tongue. Then he grins, and places his head between his hands, leaning forward. His eyes are twinkling with admiration. "So." He says, his eyebrows raised. "I'm pretty sure _someone_ had a great night yesterday. And by the way, you're welcome." At this, Dan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Next to Chris, PJ is chuckling lightly, his arms crossed.

"But did you get laid, though?" Chris then asks, and Dan almost chokes on his potato soup.

It takes a while for him to swallow painfully and breathe again. "NO! Honestly!"

"Cough up, Chris." PJ then said, his palm open. Completely bewildered, Dan watches as Chris grumpily pulls out what seems to be a ten pound note and places it on PJ's open hand. Dan could only gape at the sight before him — as PJ smirks and places the money inside his backpack, and as Chris sighs and shakes his head in disappointment. Dan places his spoon back in his soup as he groans and massages his temples.

Chris sighs. "You upset me, Dan."

" _You guys were_ _betting on that?!_ "

The brown haired male laughs, not exactly answering Dan's question. "Well — "

As Dan stammers and feels his cheeks flush once more, PJ interrupts him. "Actually, you should be thankful, Dan. It was Chris who told me yesterday, while you guys were doing whatever, that he wanted to bet that you and Phil would, _you know_." At this, he wolf-whistled, and Dan hid his face in his hands. " _I_ thought otherwise. I said, 'why would they bang each other when they've just met a few months ago'? We argued about it for a while, and then we settled on betting ten pounds. And I won. So take _that_ , Chris."

"Oh, shut up. You know they _will_ do it eventually."

"Just so you know," Dan then remarks loudly, stirring his potato soup quite forcefully. His mind is spinning and his cheeks are red. "I'm right here. And I'm _eating._ If you guys want to talk about _stuff_ like that, I'm not interested in what you guys have to say, sorry." He gestures to his lunch tray. He groans when PJ and Chris are giggling like little schoolgirls once more, and he facepalms, wishing that he could be absolutely anywhere except here. Even Antarctica seems like a reasonable option. Once hearing Dan's groans however, Chris breaks out in laughter once again.

"Save that for Phil, Dan."

" _WHAT?_ I don't even like him like that!"

"You're not fooling anyone, sweetie."

And thus Dan continues to ignore the two of them's remarks for the rest of the whole lunch, his face uncomfortably warm.

* * *

He's much more relaxed, later that day, when the final bell rings.

Dan's pretty sure that he probably failed that stupid Biology test, for when he had received it, just the first question alone proved that Dan had absolutely _no_ idea what he was doing. He was able to answer a few questions on that test, but either way he was pretty sure that he would've failed either way. Whatever. It was still the first semester, and he was _alright_ in Biology anyway.

He makes his way to his dorm room, saying a 'see you later' to a smirking PJ before he leaves, since they're in Biology together.

Later when Dan approaches he and Phil's dorm, he realizes that it's unlocked.

He's a bit surprised at first, but remembers that Phil isn't working today. Dan pokes his head in, and sure enough finds Phil sitting on his bed, scrolling through on his phone. Instantly a smile spreads out on Dan's face, and he's still beaming when he closes the door shut behind him. At this, the other male looks up from his phone, and he gives Dan a small smile in return as well. "Hey." Phil says, in greeting. "How was your test in Bio?" He asks, as Dan throws his backpack on his mattress. For a second, Dan is confused on why he knows about that — but then he remembers that he had told him that yesterday.

"I think I failed." Dan shrugs.

Phil tsked. "Well, that isn't good."

"I couldn't care less, to be honest." Dan smiles, and Phil rolls his eyes at his remark.

The black haired male shifts around in his spot, and he's sitting cross legged now. Dan, on the other hand, notices that Phil's coat is still on his own mattress. Slightly embarrassed, he picks it up from the place he'd left it in, and he holds it out. "Um... here. Your coat. Phil." the brown haired male mutters, as Phil blinks, and takes it back from him. There's a small smile on Phil's face as he grabs the material from Dan's hands. "Thanks."

"No." Dan then says. He looks up at Phil, into those blue eyes of his. "Thank you."

The two of them stare at each other like that, for a while. It's funny — because Dan doesn't know why he's able to maintain the eye contact. However, Phil's eyes are _really_ startling, and Dan knows that he'll never get tired looking at them. The both of them aren't blinking, and Dan is too busy staring into Phil's eyes to notice. They seem even more blue when Phil doesn't wear his glasses. After a short while, Dan breaks the glance off, and covers his embarrassed blush with him brushing his fringe aside.

"It's nothing, really." When he looks back at Phil, he's smiling softly back at him.

Feeling a little bit self-conscious, Dan chooses to play around with his phone, which he's holding with both of his hands. A couple more moments of silence pass by, but it's not really an awkward one. On the contrary, it's a pretty comfortable silence, and Dan quietly admits that he enjoys it. He's brought to his attention again when Phil starts talking once more. "So, um, Dan, do you wanna step out for a bit?"

Dan blinks, and feels himself blushing _again_. It's the first time Phil's suggested something like this.

"I mean, um, if you have stuff to do..." Phil then starts, slowly. He's not meeting Dan's gaze now, his eyes are trained on his own backpack on the floor. "We don't _have_ to leave if you don't want to... I guess?" Phil trails off, and Dan swears that his pale face has a hint of a red tint on it. Upon seeing this, Dan can't help but smile at his roommate. He's never really seen this side of him before.

"Phil?" Dan then cuts in. The other male looks up in slight surprise. "I'd love to. Actually."

His blue eyes brighten up at this, and Dan giggles.

* * *

It's not raining anymore when the two of them leave their dorm room.

Dan's not even sure what they're going to be doing out here, anyway. It's a good thing that Chris and PJ don't know that this is currently happening, if they'd found out that the two of them were out together, they probably would've suspected _something_. It's cold and slightly windy, but what could you expect. It wasraining extremely hard just yesterday, after all. In fact, Dan was there to witness it. He stuffs his hands inside his jean pockets, and exhales. "Phil?"

"Yeah?" The other male replies. They haven't said anything for a while.

"Where exactly are we going?"

"Nowhere exactly."

Confused, Dan stops walking. He's frowning and smiling in bewilderment at the same time. "What do you mean?"

"I only wanted to leave to talk." Phil says simply. He's standing a few inches away from Dan, for he had continued walking a little bit as Dan had stopped in his tracks. Dan is still frowning up at him as he slowly catches up to the other male, who just nods at him. "We're not going anywhere in particular, but there's this place I kind of want to show you, actually." Phil continues. At this sudden remark, Dan snorts.

"So we _are_ going somewhere, you dingus."

Phil scoffs, but he's smiling afterwards.

'Wherever they were going' was off campus, which Dan privately thought was a good thing. It kind of would be weird to walk around school, knowing that there still are teachers, students, and even the janitor around. So you could imagine Dan's relief when the two of them left campus, and instead continued walking to somewhere else. On the way, they passed by the coffee shop Phil worked in, and Dan couldn't help but smile to himself. He was in fact there yesterday.

Fifteen minutes later, Phil slows down to a stop.

Dan raises his head up in fascination. They're in front of a park, or something like that. Well, it _seems_ to be a park. Not a lot of kids are out playing on it, because it is pretty cold. But there are a few brave children laughing and chasing each other on the equipment, and Dan looks back at Phil for a possible explanation. Phil looks back, and he glances down at him. "Let's go over here."

The two of them walk out a bit; away from where all the park equipment is. Pretty soon, the children playing at the park become farther away from the two of them. After a while, Phil then stops under a huge tree. He's frowning as he steps around in the grass, and Dan glances at him, slightly bewildered. "Phil? What are you — ?"

"Just making sure the grass isn't wet." Phil reassures him. He then sits down, and pats the space next to him. "Sit down with me."

Dan obeys, and the two of them sit on the grass — which surprisingly isn't wet, for some reason. Maybe the rain missed a couple of spots. Dan sighs at his ridiculous thinking as he sits down next to Phil, who had brought his legs up to his chest. "I'm sorry." Phil then sighs, and Dan turns around to face him. "This probably doesn't make any sense at all. Why we're here, I mean." The brown haired male tilts his head slightly, and blinks.

"It's fine." Dan answers.

The two of them sit in silence for a while, not really talking. It's weird, because it _feels_ different — sure, Dan's talked to Phil almost every day (they _were_ roommates and friends at this point, after all), but right now, it feels kind of strange. Maybe they don't really know each other as they thought. Sure, there's their pasts that they've never shared with one another. But Dan doesn't want to pry about Phil's, because according to Chris and PJ, it probably wasn't a very happy one.

In fact, it's probably why Phil was quite distant from Dan when the two of them had first met.

Although, it may have been different because of what had happened yesterday, with Dan-trying-to-find-Phil and Phil-trying-to-find-Dan. Even if they did end up running into each other in the end, Dan knew how worried the two of them were about each other (for he had basically yelled to Phil how worried he was about him, and vice versa), and he still wasn't really sure how to feel about that.

Phil had just started opening up to Dan a little more, recently — and to be honest, Dan didn't want to lose that friendly spark (he does not care about what Chris thinks about their relationship) the two of them had with each other. Phil certainly does seem happier the passing days, but Dan knows that sometimes he still can be moody and upset. He feels like _Phil_ should be the one to tell him about what happened, and in turn, he won't pry about it. Surely he'd know, maybe one day.

"If we only came out here to talk," Dan then mutters, softly. "might as well do so, right?"

The other male chuckles. "Yeah, I know. I think I might have too many things to talk about though."

"Is that why you're not saying anything?"

"Possibly."

Dan shakes his head, and then shifts forward. "You're impossible." He changed from his sitting position to now laying down, so he could face the gray sky. Although there was nothing in particular to look at, the sight of the dark clouds felt calming, for some reason. The grass strands tickle his ears as he rolls over to face Phil, who is still sitting down, although he's looking at Dan with an amused expression on his face. "Lay down with me."

Phil's eyebrows raise. "Why? There really isn't anything to see, is there?"

" _Phil._ "

" _Dan_." Phil mocks him. Dan rolls his eyes and looks back up at the sky, on his back once more. It isn't until five minutes later when he sees Phil scoot forwards and lay down next to him, at the corner of his eye. As Dan grins slyly at his roommate, Phil sticks his tongue out at him in response. After he finally settles down, the two of them look up at the gray sky together.

"Nothing to see?" Dan then speaks up. He turns his head to look at Phil, who's a few inches away from him.

Phil laughs; it's a nice sound to hear. "Do you see anything?"

Dan smiles, and turns his attention back to the gray sky. "Come on _,_ Phil. Surely you'd see something _._ You're the one that brought me here, after all." He looks back at Phil, who's staring right back at him, his blue eyes glinting with amusement. At those words, Phil exhales, and he grins, now staring back up at the sky. He squinted a little, as he looked with fascination at the sky.

"I see clouds." Phil muses. "I see lots and lots of gray clouds."

"Oh, wow. I see them too. Are we in the same place or something?"

Phil cracks a smile at this, and he looks back at Dan, who's smirking back at him. "You're impossible." He just says, and Dan laughs, only realizing that Phil just said the same exact thing that Dan had said earlier. And although Dan's heart nearly stops because of this, he shrugs it off. He probably didn't realize it, anyway. "You know, Dan, the only reason why I've brought you here is because it's really nice in the springtime."

"Then why'd you bring me here now?" Dan murmurs, although he's unable to hide his smile. "It's not spring."

The brown haired male giggles as Phil throws grass strands onto his face. "I brought you here so you could see the park _before_ it was springtime. I'm not going to lie, but I think that the park's still beautiful in the winter too, you know." He says. "I think it's funny because some people think that they're seeing two separate parks when they come here both in winter and spring. But I, honestly, can't see the difference between the park in winter versus the park in summer. It's still the same park, but with different variations."

Dan looks at Phil, who looks back at him.

"That's a very interesting thought of yours, actually." Dan then responds. He grins as Phil gives him a small smile, clearly pleased with himself. He continues, "I can't agree with you on that one yet, because I haven't _seen_ this particular park in spring. Sorry about that." After he finishes, Phil rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling.

"Well, obviously, cause I've only brought you here today."

A comfortable blanket of silence then washes over them for a few moments.

"So, tell me, Dan." Phil later says to him. Dan looks to his right to see Phil glancing back at him. "Tell me what you see." He points to the gray sky above him. "And don't just say the clouds, or whatever, even though I did. I'm just curious, but what do you see in the clouds, Dan?"

Dan squints at the sky. "I see a lot of things, Phil."

"Aren't you psychic."

The brown haired boy smiles at this, as he glances at the clouds. The sky seems to have gotten darker, now. The clouds look more blueish-gray from the previous light gray color before. "The thing is, there are too many things to list." He breaks his gaze from the sight above him and glances back to look at Phil, who's staring back at him quite intently. "I see someone being proposed to. I also see someone crying, and someone cheering them up. I also see children playing with each other, not worrying about the later things in life. I see someone getting promoted, and someone graduating. I see someone getting rejected. I see someone having the best day of their life, and someone having the worst."

Phil blinks at him, probably confused. "I don't mean to be rude, Dan, but how do you know these things actually happen?"

"I don't." Dan replies. "But it's always a possibility. The thing is, Phil, there is one sky. One sky that a lot of people sure do look up to. _We_ are under that sky. And since there are so many people inside this world, a lot of things can happen under this one sky, you get what I mean? It's weird, you know. I don't know if the things I mentioned right now are true, but you can never tell in this world. You can't predict the future, but you sure can think a lot about it. So those are the things _I_ see. They might not necessarily happen, but then again they may have. So in a way, there's so much things that can happen in this world, all under one day, and one sky."

The black haired male doesn't say anything for a while.

"That's amazing." Phil then says, thoughtfully. "That whole... thing, you just told me — that's pretty something, Dan."

Dan chuckles lightly. "Nah, not really..."

"Don't say that." The other male suggests. "I care about your opinions."

At the mention of those words, Dan is probably blushing now. It's a good thing that it's darker now, but it doesn't help matters that Phil seems to be glancing at him as Dan's face continues to heat up. Instead of facing Phil back, Dan faces the other direction, and mutters, "Thanks." He's brought to his attention once more when something gently brushes against his still-curly hair, and when Dan turns around (thinking it's some kind of bug or something), he's met with Phil's outstretched arm.

"Oh, sorry — " Phil then starts, looking a bit embarrassed. " — there was grass in your hair."

"There's grass everywhere."

"I know that." He smiles. "But it's kind of bothering me. Is it okay if I — ?" Phil gestured with his hand.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine."

A few seconds later, Dan feels Phil plucking the grass strands out of his hair and scattering them back onto the ground, where they belong. There's nowhere really to look except _at_ Phil, who's kind of concentrating on removing the pieces of grass from Dan's scalp. Dan smiles to himself; it's pretty cute on how Phil gets so focused on things — but he keeps that part to himself. "You wanna know something, Dan?"

"Uh... What?"

Phil's gaze softened, and his blue eyes met Dan's in the dark. "You may not like your curly hair, but I do."

"I — " Dan stammers. "I — I... thank you..."

Phil doesn't say ' _you're welcome_ ' in response, but he doesn't really need to, because Dan could basically read it on his expression. After Phil finishes pulling out the remaining strands of grass in Dan's hair, the two of them stare at each other for a while. It's really weird, honestly, on how well you could know someone in just a short amount of time. Maybe it was Dan's imagination, but were their faces getting closer?

In the midst of it all, Dan's phone started buzzing — and at the sudden noise both he and Phil jump and sit up straight. Dan stares at Phil for a few seconds, feeling slightly embarrassed, but then frowns as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, reading the Caller ID. _Chris Kendall,_ the contact reads. Dan nervously bites his lip as he looks up at Phil, who shrugs in response. He accepts the call and waits.

" _DAN?"_

"Hey, Chris. Wh — "

" — _WHERE ARE YOU?_ "

"Uh... with Phil."

That _may_ not have been the thing to say in this situation, but it was the truth. But he sure wasn't prepared for the outbursts of what seemed to be both Chris and PJ at the same time yelling at him through the phone (although it was mostly Chris). " _Chris, give me the goddamn phone_ — " was Peej's voice, and sure enough when Dan pressed his phone to his ear again, PJ asked " _Hello? Dan? Can you hear me?"_

 _"Hey Peej, ask him if he has protection on him!_ " yells Chris from the background.

More shuffling. " _Uh... I think you heard that. I'm sorry._ "

"Er, it's fine. Also, tell Chris to kindly shut up for me. We're just out at the moment, but we're coming back pretty soon."

" _Oh, okay._ " Dan could hear the curiosity in his voice. " _Chris, Dan tells you to kindly shut up!_ "

Dan can't really make out what the two of them are now arguing about, but he sighs. "It's okay. We're fine. We're coming back, like now. Okay? All right. Goodbye. Tell Chris that I could hear the things he's saying. Yeah, okay. Bye." He then says, and hangs up. He groans as he massages his temples, and then looks at Phil, who is looking back at him curiously. "They're looking for us."

"Okay." He sounds a little disappointed, but maybe it's Dan's imagination.

"Let's go?" Dan asks, and Phil nods in response.

Phil starts walking ahead of he does, but as soon as Dan catches up to him, he grabs Phil's jacket sleeve. Slightly surprised, the taller of the two turned around, possibly confused. However, Dan is blushing and kind of regretting what he's doing, but nevertheless — he sighs and lets go. He looks up at Phil, a small smile on his face. "Phil... thank you. Really. Thank you for this whole thing. It was really nice, and I liked it."

It's dark, but Dan can still see Phil's smile. "It's no problem."

The two of them then make it back to the dorm, arms lightly brushing against one another.

"There's still grass in your hair, by the way." Phil sighs, flicking some of the strands away.

Dan would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it.

* * *

 **A/N:** so this took me the _entire_ day to write and i assure you i'd probably have worked faster if i wasn't checking my phone every so often.

i really want to meet dan and phil, don't you? i might be able to see them when they go on tour, but that's only if i get straight A's. hopefully i'd be able to go ;w; i really want to, and tbh i might cry if i do. no, i will cry. most likely.

i hope you enjoyed this fluffy chapter i provided for ya. another one _should should should_ be coming out soon, i promise! and then you guys could learn about their pasts and stuffs. but is dan starting to develop a crush on phil, or — ? tune in to find out B)

love you,

-choco xx


	5. bittersweet

**A/N:** you know what this is probably one of my favorite (?) stories i've written on here so i'm updating this again (almost a month later wow i'm trash AND I SAID I'D BE UPDATING IT THE WEEK AFTER WOW SMH ME) but honestly idk i haven't been getting motivated to write lately.. until today! i've been thinking of including this story on wattpad, should i? i just need to find the old documents and crap but i might..

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with kickthestickz.

soo... extra long chapter for y'all :)

**guys i think it's safe to say that there will be definite kickthestickz in this story

it's just i LOVE CHRIS AND PJ SO MUCH OKAY. AND I LOVE THE SHIP TOO SO fUCUUUK YEAH MAN

 **slight warning: make-out session later in this chapter! just a heads up ;)**

 **tw; alcohol, and people being drunk.**

enjoy!

* * *

 **V.**

bittersweet

—

.

.

.

It's now a Saturday evening, and both Dan and Phil are sprawled lazily on their mattresses, both glancing at work from school.

Dan grumbles slightly as he tries to focus on what his English paper says, but the words seem to criss-cross themselves on the page, making it hard for him to concentrate. He gives up a good five minutes later, when it seems like the words are blurring and bending together on the sheet, forming unfamiliar words and weird looking sentences. The brown haired male exhales dejectedly as he sits up from his bed, sitting forward. On the other bed, Phil looks up suddenly — he's sitting with his back to the wall, a black spiral notebook on his lap.

"Anything the matter?" He asks conversationally, as Dan gives him a small smile.

He fixes his fringe before glancing back at Phil, who's staring at him expectantly through his glasses. "Nothing bad, really. I just have _another_ test on Monday in English, and if I flunk this, then I'm going to fail that class." Dan gestures to the pile of papers scattered on his mattress, and sighs. "I fucking _hate_ English. I don't even know if my teacher knows what they're actually teaching half the time. But then again, I don't either."

Phil tilts his head to the side, smirking. "It's no wonder why you're failing."

"Shut up." Dan says, but he's grinning as he places his head back on his pillow. He turned his head to look at Phil, and saw that there's a small smile playing on his face. He straightened his glasses before returning back to scribbling on his black notebook. The brown haired teen smiled as he glanced at his roommate, who's face was scrunched up slightly as he continued on writing whatever he was on there.

Dan's about to say something when he hears their door open. Instinctively, Dan sits back up again, his eyes slightly widened in surprise as he sees Chris and PJ immediately walk in. Both of them are surprisingly dressed nicely; although Chris is just wearing a black shirt with palm trees on it (and an unzipped blue jacket over it) he looks like he actually bothered to make sure that his hair looks nice. On the contrary, PJ is wearing a dark green button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The two of them are wearing similar black skinny jeans as well. At this, Dan raises his eyebrows in slight confusion, as PJ shuts the door behind him — and as Chris jumps on Dan, causing the brown haired teen to yell and scatter his English papers everywhere because of the impact. At the corner of his eye, Dan sees PJ laugh and Phil smile at this.

"Hey, Danny-boy!" Chris shouts, hugging him forcefully. "How are you feeling?"

Dan sputters as he finally manages to shove the other teen off him, causing him to topple to the floor with a loud thud. "Scarred for life, thanks." He swung his legs around to the side of the bed as he got up and picked up the slightly wrinkled pieces of papers, which were everywhere. "Also, what's up? Anything important happen?" He then asks, coughing. He scrunched his nose in confusion. "You smell like pineapples, Chris."

He does the rock and roll sign with his hands in response. "Thanks, I try."

PJ then grins from where's he's standing. "Are you boys up to party?"

At that same moment, Chris picks himself off the floor, his eyes twinkling. He places his hands on his hips, and eyes both Dan and Phil expectantly, as Dan raises an eyebrow and Phil frowns at this saying. The black haired teen leans forward, his blue eyes looking a little uncertain through his glasses. "Is that why you both look sharp, for once? Who's party is it anyways?"

"Derek's." PJ replies, running a hand through his curly hair. "He has bio with Dan and I. Also, he's friends with Chris."

Dan frantically searches through his memory box, trying to recall on whoever this _Derek_ was, until he faintly remembers a chesnut-haired teen with green eyes. "Oh yeah, right." Derek was a nice person in general, but he _could_ be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes. He was tolerable, though. "I don't even know him that well, he wouldn't appreciate it if I just showed up."

"Don't be a party pooper, Daniel," Chris then said, crossing his arms. "No one knows who each other is wherever we go, cause there's too many of us. I only know and remember about thirty people in our grade. It's fine! In these kinds of parties, no one gives a shit on who turns up, and that's a good thing."

"I hate parties." Phil grumbled, but Chris tutted at him.

"No exceptions, Philly. You're coming with us too. Now get both of your lazy asses dressed, or I'll be forced to drag both of you out of here." He smiled cheerily, as Phil raised his eyebrows in apprehension. "Let's PARTY, boys!" He then yelled, pumping a fist into the air — and as both Dan and Phil both rolled their eyes, knowing that there's no hope in arguing with the other teen. On the other hand, PJ grins apologetically at the two other teenagers as both he and Chris step out so the two of them could get dressed.

It's a good thing that Dan's already decked in the skinny jeans that he's been planning to wear already, so instead he jumps off his bed and sighs as he opens his drawer and searches for something that would be acceptable to a house party. He mutters under his breath for a few minutes until finally settling on a black button up shirt. "Hey, Phil — " Dan then remarks, turning around to ask Phil what he's wearing. _That_ was when he realized that Phil had already taken off his shirt.

As Phil looked up expectantly, probably because Dan had called him — he realized that this was probably the first time he's seen Phil shirtless. Sure, they were much closer now, but they've always changed in the small bathroom that was in their room. At once, he found himself studying Phil's features as the black haired male didn't say anything in response. _Goodness gracious._ Phil had _quite_ a nice body. He didn't necessarily have a six-pack or anything like that, but he did look quite fit, to be honest. There were a few beauty marks scattered across his pale complexion, and Dan didn't realize that he was still staring at him until Phil smiled, looking quite amused.

A thought popped in the back of Dan's mind. _He's beautiful._ And once he began to think that, he couldn't help but agreeing with himself. Although Phil didn't have bulging muscles and a hard six-pack, he looked absolutely beautiful. The beauty marks on his pale skin looked a lot like scattered stars, they could probably be formed into countless constellations. There weren't even _that_ many beauty marks on Phil's skin, but there were quite a few — one on his collarbone, some on his stomach, a bit more placed on his shoulders. Dan couldn't seem to tear his eyes off him.

"Did you need something, Dan?" Phil then asked hesitantly, his smile turning into a grin.

"U-Uh," Dan stammered, and then cleared his throat. "I was just wondering... what you were going to wear. To the party." He said stupidly, looking straight at the ground rather than into Phil's eyes. The brown haired teen bit his lip nervously as he glanced at the fabric in his hands, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment of Phil noticing that he was staring at him.

The other teen shrugged, holding up a white piece of clothing. "Just this," he said casually, as he placed his arms inside the sleeves, shrugging the shirt on. Dan found himself staring once again as Phil slowly buttoned up the dress shirt, his pale skin slowly disappearing under the white fabric. The white shirt looked really amazing on him, it went well with his complexion nicely. He gave Dan a small smile as he adjusted his collar, and swiped a hand through his black hair before pulling on his shoes. "Do you want me to wait outside, or — ?"

Dan snapped back to reality, removing the image of Phil shirtless from his head (which was kind of difficult to do). "Ah, er, it's fine." He assured Phil, smiling a bit nervously as he tugged off the shirt he was previously wearing. He was well aware that his roommate was staring at him, so he made sure to change his shirt quickly — shoving his arms as fast as he could into the shirt sleeves, and buttoning it up quickly, fixing his collar once he'd gotten to the top. It did feel a bit irritating, and Dan almost choked as he tried to fix it. He looked down at his arms and folded the black dress shirt's sleeves up to his elbows, sighing.

He glanced back at Phil, who was staring at him quite curiously. Then he seemed to break out of his daydream, and smiled, walking a bit closer to Dan, which was kind of hard to do considering the small amount of space in their room. Dan tensed, as he found Phil bringing his hands up to the other's collar, unbuttoning the first button.

Immediately, the brown haired teen found his face turning red once moreas Phil proceeded to re-button his collar, patting it down gently, adjusting it for him. Instantly, the previous irritation in Dan's neck disappeared, and he blinked at the other male as he spoke. "Feel better, now? It's just, you looked a bit uncomfortable." the taller teen said, his tongue poking out through a small space in his teeth as he grinned.

"I, uh," Dan said, not able to meet Phil's gaze. "thank you."

Phil half-smiled, and brushed his hair a bit back. "Anytime. Let's go, shall we?"

"I guess," Dan muttered shyly, as the two of them proceeded to leave — nearly running into Chris and PJ, who were just waiting outside their dorm room. As Chris gave Dan a giant grin, and as PJ raised his eyebrows up and down, Dan wondered if he was going to regret anything that was going to happen in the next few hours.

* * *

They arrived at Derek's around 9:40.

Apparently Derek lived quite close to the campus, so it was a good thing that his place was in walking distance. When they had approached the street that he lived on (using Chris's phone for directions), Dan could already tell which house the party was held at. You were able to hear the music blasting from the third house away from Derek's, and as the four of them approached the place, the music began to increase incredibly louder. As they stopped right in front of the house, Dan immediately felt sorry for all of his classmate's neighbors; he was sure they didn't appreciate the sound at this time of night.

"All right, boys," PJ then said, grinning from ear to ear. "We're here to have the _best_ time of our lives, am I right?"

Phil sighs in response. "I don't know."

" _Relax,_ Phil," Chris chuckles, slinging an arm over the other teen's shoulders. "You're going to enjoy it, don't worry. It's just like any other party we've been to. Almost everybody's drunk off their asses, anyway. No one's going to hurt you, I promise." He reassures him, but the black haired teen continues to look regretful. His eyes dart over to Dan, as in a helpful plea, and Dan finds himself smiling at Phil's unhappy expression on his face.

"Whatever." Phil grumbles, as he shrugs Chris's arm off of his shoulders. "Let's just get this over with."

Chris grins widely. "That's the spirit! Keep it up, and everyone'll love you." At the mention of the word _love,_ Chris glances sideways at Dan — who blinks innocently, staring at his friend in confusion, before realizing what he meant by that. _Oh_. He walks quickly behind Chris after that, purposefully stepping on the back of his shoes; causing the other to trip. As Dan bites his tongue to keep himself from laughing, Chris's eyes shoot daggers at him, as the four of them proceed to enter the house. The music is making Dan's head pound, it's enough to give him a slight headache.

PJ pounds on the door — which normally would be rude, but if he'd knocked politely, it wouldn't be heard over the deafening noise. Dan squinted as the door finally opened, and there stood Derek, greeting the four of them with a large smile. "Hey!" He yelled over the music, a beer bottle clutched in his right hand. "Glad you could come, Dan, right?" He then shouted, addressing the brown haired teen, who smiled back in response.

"Also, Chris, Peej, and... Phil!" Derek continued to say, addressing the three other teens standing quite awkwardly by the door. Phil looked slightly taken aback that this person knew who he was, but he didn't question it. He returned Derek's friendly grin with a tight smile, which looked more like a grimace.

"Have fun guys, party's gonna go on till whenever, my parents are out of town and they didn't mind us having a party, as long as nothing important's damaged. There's beer, soda, punch, juice, water, whatever, in the coolers. Knock yourself out." Dan's classmate reassured the four of them, as he slurred a bit of his speech. His green eyes looked a bit hazy, but he wasn't _completely_ drunk. Yet, anyway.

If the music was loud enough three houses away, it certainly was almost past deafening inside the house. The stereos were blasting a Fall Out Boy song — _Where Did the Party Go_ — and although Dan was grateful that Derek had good music taste, he had a bit of a hard time trying to concentrate without getting a headache. There were strobe lights everywhere, and Dan found himself wincing. _Was this how all college parties were like?_ He shook his head as the four of them walked into Derek's place, looking around in slight awe at some of his already drunk classmates either laughing or doing some weird crap that he didn't really care about.

Chris waved at a group of teenagers that were seated on cushions on the floor, and it turned out that some of them were in Dan's classes. Although that Dan never really enjoyed parties like these, he was slightly relieved that he at least knew these people. Judging from Phil sighing and him relaxing besides him, it turns out that he too was feeling the same about this.

The four of them continued to walk around the house (while avoiding large masses of teens, honestly, how many people did Derek even _invite_?), until they found an open spot on the couches in the lounge. Dan sat himself down on one of the seats, and was slightly surprised to see how soft they were. Chris took a seat on the couch a few inches away from Dan, while PJ sat down on Chris's left. In the meantime, Phil sat down on Dan's right, adjusting his position until he found himself comfortable.

The teen across from Dan then reached into the cooler at the couch's side, pulling out a beer successfully. "You're drinking?" Dan said, his eyes widened as Chris smirked, his eyes not giving anything away. He removed the bottle cap with ease (Dan was slightly impressed by this) and took a swig out of the bottle, sighing in satisfaction before replying.

"Of course I am." He drawled, wiggling his eyebrows. "Parties are a time to temporarily forget all about the crap and responsibilities you need to do in your life. I'm of age, anyway." Chris noted as brushed his hair to the side, taking another sip of his drink. He shook his head afterwards and blinking unexpectedly, before grinning at Dan again. "Don't worry, Daniel, it takes more than this for me to be _horrendously_ drunk."

PJ laughs. "He's right. But it's so _hilarious_ when he is."

"Seeing Chris drunk is amazing, it's a thing you must see." Phil then agreed, speaking up from next to Dan. As the brown haired teen turned around to glance at him, he saw that Phil was smirking. "there was one time where he got so hammered, he'd gone upstairs and proposed to a friend's mom. Needless to say, he's been kicked out and banned from going to any of their parties ever since. But it was _golden_." He swiped a hand through his hair, and grinned at Dan, who found himself grinning.

"You don't need to tell Dan every embarrassing thing I've done, you two. I've seen Phil have a heated make out session with someone the last time he's gotten drunk." Chris sang, as he handed PJ a beer from the cooler. The brown haired teen blinked in surprise, glancing at Phil once again, to clarify this. _Maybe Chris was joking... ?_ However, the mortified expression and pink blush on Phil's face gave it away.

Phil placed a hand at the back of his neck as he bit his lip. "I regret every second of that."

"He hasn't really drank that much since." PJ informed Dan, as he sipped his beer lightly.

Dan frowned. It wasn't any of his business on who Phil apparently 'made out' with, but who could it have been? Judging from the three other teen's expressions, it didn't seem to be anyone from this school. It was _probably_ something that had happened at past parties, before they even knew who Dan was. He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous at this; he'd thought that Phil had never been in a past relationship before. Since that Phil had never really mentioned any of that to Dan, he assumed that maybe he'd broken up with said person. He couldn't help but picture it — Phil wrapping his arms around some other person and kissing the hell out of them.

It made Dan feel slightly annoyed, so he stopped thinking about it.

"Were you two... together?" Dan found himself asking, studying his hands and avoiding his friend's gazes. He paused before continuing. "I thought you hated parties." After that, it was silent between the four of them for a while, the only noise coming from the speakers surrounding the house and the occasional loud laughter emitting from other groups. Dan watched as the strobe lights danced on Phil's face, who was squinting at nothing in particular. Chris and PJ were unusually silent, both watching the two of them.

"Yes and yes," Phil then admitted, after a while. He glanced back at Dan, his sapphire eyes looking into the other boy's brown ones. "I dated him for amonth. I eventually broke it off, he was being a bit too annoying. Kind of bossy, demanding, clingy. I got tired of it." Phil finished, studying Dan after he'd stopped talking. On the other hand, Dan tried his best not to break into a flurry of questions, and bit back the strange happiness that was now taking over his emotions. All that he was thinking about was the fact that it was a _him._ Phil had made out with a _guy._ He was _with_ that same guy, for a _month._

At that moment, Dan looked up — and made eye contact with Chris, who didn't even bother hiding his knowing smile. From his expression, Dan _knew_ that Chris had known about this way before he did. He frowned as Chris winked discreetly at him, and chose to study his feet intensely as he looked back down. "Ah." He replied, not knowing what else to say to that.

"And for parties, I _do_ hate them. But once in a while, they can be fun, I guess." Phil mused, luckily overlooking Dan's awkward answer to his response. He looked his fingers, and laced them together, studying them. "I know that for a fact since Chris and PJ always enjoy seeing me suffer."

Chris snorts from the other couch, shaking the now empty beer bottle in his hand. "What are you _talking_ about? You enjoy them as much I do, Philip." He placed the bottle on the small table in front of their seat, and pulled another one out of the cooler, snickering at Dan's clearly horrified expression. "What's wrong, Dan? Don't be scared for me. I can have my own fun once in a while, you know." With that, he opened the second beer and drank out of it once more.

Dan rolled his eyes. "It's not like I'm scared for you. I'm just afraid on how you're going to act later."

"Here, Dan." PJ then said, handing him a beer. As Dan stared apprehensively at it, PJ laughed, placing his own down. "Try one. It's really not that bad."

"The last time I tried beer, I puked." Dan said uncertainly, making a face as the curly haired boy opened his bottle for him, handing it back to Dan, who took it hesitantly in his hands. He looked at the liquid in the bottle and raised an eyebrow before glancing back at his friends, who encouragingly nodded back at him. The brown haired teen then sighed as he tilted the bottle in his hands, taking a short sip out of it.

He blinked, feeling the beer travel down his throat and resting inside his stomach. He felt slightly tingly from the drink, but it did taste pretty good. It tasted like alcohol, obviously, but there was a hint of raspberry in the drink that he found delicious. Dan found himself taking another sip out of his bottle, and he sighed in satisfaction before he placed it back on the coffee table in front of him. "It _is_ good," he admitted, breaking into a smile as his friends clapped for him.

"Told you." PJ smirked, taking another sip out of his drink.

"Good thing you didn't puke, right?" Phil smiled, as he leaned forward to take a beer from Chris. He opened his successfully and drank some as well, as Dan watched him. After taking it in, Phil made a face full of pleasure, which made Dan's stomach flip. It was a good thing that it was dark, so Phil couldn't see his newly flushed face. "Oh _man._ That's orgasmic." He glanced at the beer bottle in admiration. "If Derek keeps throwing parties, I'd only just come for this. Forget anything else."

Dan grinned, as he slowly brought the bottle up to his lips again.

* * *

A few more drinks later, all four of them are pretty drunk.

It's kind of hard for Dan to see straight, it looks and feels like that everything is multiplying each time he blinks. He finds himself giggling at nothing in particular, laughing along to PJ's stupid jokes that he keeps spouting every five minutes. He's pretty sure that Peej's been saying the same jokes for a while, but he doesn't care, cause they're still pretty funny. Dan _knows_ he's drunk — this isn't the first time he's drank, but it's certainly been a while since the last time he's done so.

He's not as hammered as Chris, though, who's managed to slump all the way into the couch and was now holding an empty glass in his hand. Earlier, he was doing ridiculous animal impressions through drinking, making a llama impression and changing it quickly to a goat, and then a sheep. It was enough to make Dan laugh so hard that his stomach was hurting, to the point that he felt like throwing up. But now Chris's head is tilting from side to side, his usually sparkling green eyes looked dull and tired through the lights. A few minutes later, he yells instantly — causing Dan to jump, and PJ to nearly fall off the couch. On Dan's other side, Phil grumbles, rubbing his eyes.

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Chris then said, half-singing and half-slurring the words. He burst into a fit of giggles as he looked around drunkenly, somewhat successfully placing his beer bottle on the coffee table, where it joined the many more empty bottles which were scattered on the surface. His green eyes then land on PJ, who looks in a mix between slightly frightened and amused, and wraps his arms around the other teen, continuing to giggle amongst himself. "Aaaaah, therefore you art, Romeo. Alas, I have found you, my love!"

PJ chuckles as Chris continues to spout lines from _Romeo and Juliet,_ although Dan's pretty sure that 'therefore you art' is not the correct way to state something like that. The brown haired teen smiles to himself, playing with a few strands of his hair. It's gotten considerably hotter ever since they've came to Derek's, Dan has to mess with his hair a bit although it's kind of damp with sweat. He fans himself with his hands as he glances next to him, where Phil is sitting.

The black haired male is staring at nothing in particular, his slightly out-of-focus blue eyes glancing at the coffee table in front of them. He's quietly drumming his right hand on the arm of the couch, and nodding slowly to the music, which was still as loud as ever — but instead blasting a Panic! At the Disco song that sounded a lot like _Girls/Girls/Boys_. It probably was, to be honest. The teen found himself eyeing Phil, staring up and down on the other's body, biting his lip as he did so.

Although Dan was pretty unfocused and dizzy, he couldn't help thinking that he looked absolutely attractive _._

His black hair, that was usually placed in a hairstyle similar to Dan's, was pushed back slightly, forming a small quiff. He'd rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows, the multicolored lights dancing on Phil's pale skin. Even the position that he was sitting in made Dan's heart pound against his chest, and he continued on staring once Phil had glanced back at him.

 _No._ Dan found himself thinking, as he continued to stare back at Phil. _You don't like him in that way._

 _You're not fooling anyone, sweetie._ Chris's voice spoke up, in the back of his head.

Dan manages to get most of the hazy feeling out of his mind, blinking slowly, as his eyes looked deeply into Phil's blue ones. A smile tugged at his lips, as he spoke. "Some party, huh?" He then said, grinning slightly. Although his mind is still pretty clouded, he's still a little bit sober somewhere inside him. And something tells him that Phil still kinda is as well, even though the two of them were giggling uncontrollably at nothing earlier. The black haired teen scoffs, adjusting his position so that he's facing Dan.

"Yeah, sure is." He answers, his voice soft.

The brown haired teen takes this moment to glance at both Chris and PJ, who are both cuddling on the couch in front of them. Chris is still quoting William Shakespeare ("Parting is such _*hic*_ sweet sorrow that I shall say * _hic*_ goodnight until t-till it be mo-morrow..."), as his arms are lazily clinging on to PJ's shoulders. The other dark haired teen is smiling goofily, as his own arms are around Chris as well, his bright green eyes closed in a dreamy like expression. Dan smiles at the scene, glancing at the two boys before looking back at Phil.

Phil's features look absolutely beautiful to Dan, even though it's fairly dark and he's drunk. But maybe these are the sober thoughts talking. He knows that he's thought of Phil being beautiful _definitely_ more than once in the past, when he was sober. It's basically the word that describes him, even though the other teen had a moody personality and a sour mouth. He thinks that there's _something_ underneath Phil's tough demeanor that he could maybe figure out, one day. He's certainly becoming sweeter during the time he's gotten to know him, from the day that they've first met.

His eyes are trailing up and down the other teen's figure again, and he takes a mental note on how soft and plump Phil's lips look. His sapphire eyes are gazing into Dan's brown ones, and his mouth forms into a slow smile. He's nibbling his lip lightly, as he continues to observe Dan — the brown haired teen hasn't realized how much he's wanted to kiss him until now. _Something_ is telling him to just do it, and crash both of their lips together. It's a stupid idea, but he can't really do anything about it. But something else is holding him back, yelling at him, saying _you_ _don't even like Phil in that way._

The thing is, Dan's not really sure if that statement's correct anymore.

"You know, Dan..." Phil then speaks up, quietly. "You look really good tonight."

He feels his face turning red, and eventually starts to feel warmth spread all over his body. He's grinning slightly as he scoots closer to the black haired boy, moving so that their faces are inches away from each other. It doesn't matter that Chris and PJ are in front of them. It doesn't matter that he's sweating and drunk — although his mind is still a bit unfocused and all over the place, he's sure that these are probably his sober thoughts acting on him right now anyway. Phil doesn't move, either. He's smiling back at Dan, as if daring him to close the gap between their mouths.

"To be fair," Dan breathes. "you do too."

And with that, he brings his hands up to the other teen's face — _finally_ closing the gap between both of their lips — as the two of them close their eyes instantly. Phil's lips taste delicious, they vaguely taste of vanilla chapstick. He soon finds out that Phil's face is extremely soft as well _,_ as he cups his cheeks gently with his fingers. The brown haired boy tilts his head forward slightly, feeling their noses brush against each other lightly as they continued the kiss. He's slightly taken aback on how _good_ Phil is at kissing — his mouth is moving professionally against Dan's, and it _certainly_ does feel amazing.

" _Phil._ " Dan can't help but breathe in satisfaction, after they release for a short period of time. Before he could speak again, he feels Phil tugging onto his collar, pulling him back into another heated exchange. He brings his hands up to Phil's hair, tugging lightly on the strands, and runs his fingers through his black locks. He proceeds to then open his mouth slightly, earning an opportunity for Phil to slide his tongue inside the other teen's mouth, deepening the kiss. Dan lets out a small, breathy moan at this as he hears the other teen make a satisfying noise from his lips.

The only feeling in Dan's head is the sense of adrenaline pumping through him, and his heart thudding loudly in his chest as he continues to kiss Phil, the music doesn't seem that deafening anymore. His head is pounding, but that doesn't even matter either. The only thing on his mind is the boy seated across from him, his hands moving up and unbuttoning Dan's collar as he does so _._ Dan breathes lightly as Phil moves his hands to the other boy's head, messing with his hair — as Dan proceeds to unbutton the other teen's shirt as quick as he's done it.

He manages to make Phil moan quietly as he tilts his head forward again, slipping his tongue inside the other boy's mouth as he straddled his hips lightly — not wanting to stop. Phil tasted _absolutely_ delicious _,_ and Dan still can't get enough of his cologne. He didn't want to stop kissing him, the feeling was completely enthralling. The brown haired teen was sure that he had never been kissed like _this_ before, and he's kissed quite a few share of people.

They finally do release after a while, both of them sweating and panting heavily. Their fingers are still tangled in each other's hair, and Dan bites his lip shyly as he removes his hands from Phil's scalp, grinning nervously at the other teen across from him. If possible, Phil looks even _sexier,_ his black hair messy, his blue eyes deeply staring into Dan's brown ones. With satisfaction, Dan sees the bit of chest that has been revealed from him unbuttoning his collar, and as Phil smirks — he finds himself blushing again.

"I'm impressed." Phil then says, slurring his speech slightly. His blue eyes are still focused on the other teen, and he breaks into a grin.

Dan smirks as his sight blurries, grabbing another two beer bottles and handing one to him. His head is still pounding, and there's a slight buzzing in his ears. "You're not too bad yourself." He regrets letting go of the kiss — he wants to continue making out with Phil until this party's over. He wants to taste Phil's delicious lips again, he wants to feel them gliding smoothly against his own mouth. He wants to feel Phil's hands on his hips and in his hair. He could tell that Phil could feel the same, from the fact that he's biting his lip nervously, and staring at Dan once more.

"I don't want to forget this tomorrow," Dan admits, snuggling his head on Phil's shoulder. He feels the black haired teen sighing, as he put an arm around him reassuringly. He smiles as he watches a passed-out Chris scratch his face as he continues to snuggle up to PJ, who appears to also be knocked out. His head is tilted backwards, and he's snoring lightly, his unfinished beer unfortunately spilling all over he and Chris's clothes. It's silent between him and Phil for a while, the only noise coming from other teenagers laughing and the continuous blast of the music.

Phil scoffs. "I don't know if I'll be able to forget the way you kissed me."

"You liked it."

"I _did_ , actually. And I want to kiss you again. But I also want to kiss you when I'm not drunk."

Dan raises his head from the other teen's shoulder, and places another kiss — less heated this time — on Phil's soft lips. After he lets go of that one, he giggles as he shifts his head comfortably on Phil's shoulder. "How about that one, Philly?" He whispered, as Phil chuckled lightly, dipping his head down to kiss Dan's forehead. The brown haired teen closed his eyes and smiled, exhaustion overcoming him.

"I just like your kisses in general," He heard Phil say.

The two teenagers remained there, on the couch — as sleep soon overtook them.

As Dan and Phil both fell asleep, Chris shifted in his position, his arms still around a sleeping PJ. "Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs," he yelled drunkenly, slurring most of his speech before cutting himself off and passing out again. He continued on snoring as he ignored the spilled beer on his clothing. He could deal with _that_ tomorrow, anyway.

* * *

 **A/N:** THERE I AM DONE

and yes, drunk!phan making out. i'm sorry but i really wanted to practice writing kiss scenes and stuff. i hope it's good enough for you, in my opinion i don't think it runs smoothly, but i just need to keep practicing riiiiight

okay i hope you liked this chapter! i'm pretty hyped to continue on with this story so hopefully a new chap will be out sooner than later. i'm so sorry for the wait! i still have school tomorrow too... oh man. i have a fucking essay to write and uheov ocowxmowmokwocoekmw.

later pals

-choco xx


	6. kaleidoscope eyes

**A/N:** YES I KNOW IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I LAST UPDATED DON'T ATTACK ME PLS BLAME SCHOOLWORK OKAY

ANYWAY, this one should be fun to write :) also i'm listening to _Death of a Bachelor_ by Panic! right now and fuUUuuuuUCUuuuCK it's SO GOOD it's one of those songs that would be good banging to i mEAN ,,,, but it's super hot and i love it so much oh ym god goodbye — ALSO _VICTORIOUS_ BY PANIC! IS SO AHHHHH OH MY GO F IT'S AMAZING GO LISTEN TO IT R i GHT noW

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with kickthestickz.

 **tw: mentions of being drunk? idk**

enjoY

* * *

 **VI.**

kaleidoscope eyes

—

.

.

.

The next morning, Dan's awakened by a loud thud.

As he opens his eyes slowly, he's met with the image of Chris sprawled out on the floor underneath him. He's completely confused on _why_ Chris is there in the first place — but when Dan looks up and around at his surroundings, fuzzy memories are coming back to him. Derek's party. Getting drunk. Kissing Phi — _oh_. He feels his cheeks burning up instantly at the thought, but judging by him sleeping on the other boy's shoulder, he's pretty sure that wasn't a dream.

Dan groans as he removes his head from Phil's shoulder, shifting into a more comfortable sitting position. His neck aches, and his head is pounding. Each time he tries to focus on something, the image looks like it's multiplying by itself. He sighs as he places his head in between his hands and stares at the coffee table in front of him, trying his best not to pass out again. He doesn't feel like he needs to throw up, which is good because he doesn't want to ruin Derek's furniture. On the contrary, he just feels extremely exhausted. It's better than his previous hangovers, anyway.

He licks his lips since they feel dry, and blushes when he tastes a hint of vanilla. All of the memories from last night come rushing back into his mind, and he finds himself stupidly grinning at the bunch of empty beer bottles on top of the small table. His eyes dart from there to Chris, who's still sleeping on the floor — and PJ, who's head is tilted back as he snores quietly, his arm hanging limply from his side, in the space where Chris used to be. Dan chuckles to himself as he messes with his hair in the meantime, it's returned to it's Hobbit-ness because of the previous humid air, but he doesn't really care.

Carefully, he gets up from the couch and slowly makes his way to the nearest restroom (while doubling over and nearly stumbling into objects during the way), opening the door and locking it. Dan places both of his hands against the sides of the sink and takes a deep breath — looking into his reflection in the mirror as he does so. He doesn't look _that_ bad, just mainly sweaty. His hair is a mess, all over the place, and his expression looks unfocused and sleep-deprived.

He realizes that the top button of his dress shirt is unbuttoned, and as he reaches to re-button it (momentarily forgetting how it happened in the first place), with a jolt he remembers _Phil_ being the cause of it. Dan jumps as soon as he goes through that memory again, and as he lifted his head to look at himself in the mirror — his reflection is blushing intensely this time.

Dan turns the sink on and exhales once more as he splashes water on his face, although it doesn't really make his red face go away. Sighing, he wipes his hands on the towel and leaves the bathroom — he can see slightly clearer this time, and he doesn't stumble as much when he's walking back to where his friends were positioned. As he takes a seat next to the black haired teen, who is _still_ passed out — Chris twitches from the floor, and Dan nearly has a heart attack.

He continues on watching as Chris moves around a little bit more, before letting out a loud groan. In slight awe and worry, Dan looks on as he watches the other teenager lift his head quite difficultly from the floor, his green eyes looking dull and alert at the same time. He rubs his eyes before swiveling around to look straight at Dan, squinting slightly. Dan doesn't really know what to do; so he just stares back at Chris, who doesn't move for a while.

" _Fuck_." Chris grumbles, as he struggles to sit up. Dan fights back a giggle as he watches Chris adjust to his surroundings, and smiles as the other teen knocks down the unfinished beer he was holding in his hand, making it spill all over the carpet. As soon as his back was to the couch, he glares at the carpet, his mouth set in a grimace. He rubs his eyes once more as he looks at Dan, his gaze still quite unfocused. "Daaaan. Where the hell are you? You're multiplying."

"I'm over here, Juliet." Dan smirks, as the other teen shakes his head painfully.

He glares at the spilled beer on the carpet, and then breaks into a grin. Chris holds two thumbs up as he tries to stand — doubling over as he does so. Dan stands up as well, to help him, but Chris waves him off. "Agh. Well, that was certainly something." He smirked, his green eyes glancing at Dan. "Did you love seeing me act like a demented creature?" He mused, spreading his arms out.

"I enjoyed your wonderful _Romeo and Juliet_ reciting, actually." Dan replies, as he sits down once more. "I didn't know you were into Shakespeare."

"Kind of." Chris says, as he sways a bit. "We're doing some analysis of it in English, and I've already done it once back in high school. It's interesting. All of his stories are interesting. I don't know, man. I'm just hella tired right now, and my throat hurts. But that was fun. Although I feel like I need to puke. Also my head is pounding, and I can't see straight." He says, then pauses before continuing. "I mean, I'm not straight. Get it? Haha."

This doesn't really come as a shock to Dan, but he's still a bit surprised. He finds himself smiling as he looks back up at his friend, who looks a bit smug even though he's still swaying from side to side. There's a stupid grin on Chris's face, and his eyes are glittering. "Ah, I see." Dan just says, as he stares at his hands on his lap. As he looks back up at Chris, he tilts his head. "So... are you bi, then?"

Chris grins widely. "Yes, in a matter of speaking." He shrugs and sits himself back down on the couch, and looks at the sleeping PJ next to him. "I mean I still find girls attractive, but I lean towards guys more." He glances back at Dan, who raises his eyebrows. "So I'm not completely a straightedge, and I'm not completely a circle." He chuckles at the last bit, but then raises an eyebrow back at Dan. _So he_ wasn't _kidding in the moments he's flirting with PJ,_ Dan thought, slightly amused.

He gives Chris a small smile in return, and chews his bottom lip apprehensively as the other teen then gets up to go to the restroom ("You know what, Dan, I feel sick. I'll be right back."). His head is spinning with the things Chris had newly informed him of — he's been sure that Chris hasn't been 100% straight, from some of his actions, but it still makes him think. Dan's _kissed_ Phil. Well, he's kissed him drunk. But it still counted, didn't it? Some people say that "drunk actions are sober thoughts," and Dan knew that he's wanted to kiss Phil in the past. So what does that make him?

He doesn't want to label himself right now, but he knows that he's felt _something_ when he and Phil's lips collided. It was some sort of spark; and it felt good. He won't lie about it, the feeling was quite amazing. A small part of his brain was smug and slightly satisfied that he had made out with Phil, like that other person who Phil had kissed in the past also. Dan was plenty sure that what he had for Phil was something possibly _more_ than just friendly. But he wasn't completely sure if the feelings were strong. Maybe he'd just wait and see what'll happen.

He's brought out of his thoughts when he feels the couch move. Slightly surprised, he looks around — seeing Phil shift around and rub his eyes. Dan freezes instantly, and feels his face starting to heat up again. His roommate's blue eyes look kind of hazy, and also tired. Phil sighs slightly as he looks to his left, where Dan is awkwardly positioned next to him.

Dan looks on as Phil shakes his head, rubbing his eyes. He blinks a couple of times, before focusing on Dan once more — his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Once he realizes that Dan is next to him, he relaxes, and his mouth forms into a small smile. "Hey." He says simply, as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. On the other hand, the brown haired teen bites his lip before giving him a shy smile back.

"Mornin'," another voice calls, from the other couch. PJ sits up, his hair even curlier than normal, his light green eyes tired and slightly red. Since he was slouched all the way into the couch, it seemed like his back was aching. "Oh, _geez._ I remember now. This is why I don't drink all the time. The _fucking_ hangovers the next day." PJ mumbles slightly, burying his face into his hands. "Where's Chris, by the way?"

"Bathroom." The brown haired teen replied, folding his arms. "He said he was feeling sick."

PJ scoffed. "Wow. What did he say when he woke up?"

"' _Fuck_ '." Dan grins, using air quotes as the curly haired teen laughs lightly.

At that exact moment, Chris waltzes in, holding a hand against his stomach. "I feel incredibly sorry for the next person who uses the restroom." He says, sighing as he crashes back on the couch next to PJ, placing his head on the other boy's lap. Dan raises his eyebrows, remembering what Chris had said earlier, before disregarding it once more. PJ doesn't look like he minds it anyway.

From besides him, Phil shifts slightly, so that his head falls on Dan's shoulder.

And honestly — as Dan feels the black haired teen's soft breath on his neck, he doesn't mind this at all.

* * *

They come back from Derek's house about an hour or two later.

Chris and PJ head to their room immediately, having being "too tired to do anything else the rest of the day". At this, Dan and Phil really have no other choice than to go back to their room as well, both of the boys crashing on to both of their mattresses at once. After Phil locks the door to their room, the brown haired teen groans — placing his head in his hands.

"Do you want to shower first?" Phil asks him, his eyes still quite unfocused.

Dan nods slightly, swiping a towel, shirt, boxers, and sweatpants from his drawer. "Sure. Thanks." He mumbles, as he enters the small bathroom in their room. After he locks the door to the bathroom, he sighs and looks at himself in the mirror. Dan's tired reflection is looking back at him through hazy brown eyes, his neutral expression looking exactly the same. He throws his clothes off quickly and steps into the shower, greeting the cold water gratefully.

He finishes about fifteen minutes later, shutting off the water and stepping out of the shower. Dan throws the shirt he brought from his drawer on and concludes his dressing, draping his towel around his shoulders as he steps out and looked at his roommate, who appeared to be doodling something on what seems to be a sketchbook. As soon as Dan emerged from the bathroom, Phil gave him a small smile as he placed the notebook facedown and stood up. He grabbed his things to take to the bathroom with him, and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Done?" He asks, quite politely.

"Yep. Bathroom's all yours." Dan says, smiling encouragingly. As Phil shuts the door behind him, the brown haired teen crashes onto his bed and sighs as he makes a weak attempt in drying his wet hair. He doesn't really know what to do now, aside from the homework that he knows he does have to finish. But that can wait, right? It's still early in the day. Surely he has time later anyway, and the good thing is that he doesn't really have much to do.

His eyes wander around the room for a bit, trailing from the posters to his side of the room to Phil's things on the other half. As he does so, Dan's interest seems to peak at the still-facedown sketchbook on top of Phil's mattress. He hesitates for a little bit, his gaze drifting from there to the bathroom where Phil still was. Surely they were close enough to look through each other's things, right?

Dan soon gives into the temptation, and sits himself on Phil's bed. He takes the book and flips it over, and as he does so — his eyes widen. There are beautiful, intricate patterns where Phil had left off sketching, each one blending in with the next. Although it seems to just be a doodle, to Dan it's a wonderful thing. He turns the page back, and finds himself smiling at the page; there is a drawing of the park where Phil had taken him a few days ago. It's a sketch, too — all of the drawings are sketches, but they're completely breathtaking.

He wasn't aware that Phil was such a good artist. From his first impression of the black haired teen, he was a bit rude, distant, and moody — and used a _lot_ of vulgar language. But ever since he's known him, he was constantly feeling like there was still more to find out about his roommate. Phil did sort of have a mysterious aura around him, and didn't really talk about his personal life much. He doesn't realize on how long he's looking at his roommate's sketchbook until the door swings open, and he nearly jumps.

The black haired teen exits the bathroom, a towel draped over his shoulders as well. He's wearing a dark blue t-shirt with gray sweatpants, and his blue eyes widen slightly when he notices that Dan's perched on his bed, looking through his sketchbook. Slightly afraid to find out what was going to happen next, the brown haired teen awkwardly places Phil's sketchbook back facedown and grins nervously — waiting for Phil to start shouting at him.

Instead, Phil blinks at him through his messy black hair. He walks slowly over to Dan's bed, and sits on it. "Were you looking through that?"

"Er..." Dan mumbles. There's not really an escape out of it. "Yeah, sorry. I was... interested."

The other teen looks amused. "What were you expecting?"

"Huh?"

"What were you expecting, Dan?" Phil repeats, as he dries his hair. A hint of a smile is on his face.

Dan thinks for a bit — but the truth was, he wasn't really expecting _anything_. "Nothing," he answers truthfully. He messes with his hair for a bit, before looking back up to glance at Phil. His roommate's head is tilted slightly, sort of like a curious puppy. He had an excellent poker face, although he was smiling. His eyes are glancing into Dan's, they're soft, blue, and like the waves on the beach, calming and soothing.

When Dan first met Phil, his blue eyes were dull. They were lacking life, interest, excitement. He didn't seem curious about anything at all. Gradually, Dan's noticed, they've gotten back their light. Well, he feels like they did anyway. Dan likes Phil's eyes, they're multicolored, beautiful and mesmerizing. Dan thinks that his are plain and boring. He only has dull, uninteresting brown eyes — it's not anything special.

"Really?" Phil then says, after a while. He removes the towel from his head and places it back around his shoulders, his black hair now a little tousled. "I mean, I'm not mad at you or anything, if that's what you were worrying about." He pauses and places his head between his hands. "I just didn't know what you were expecting when you went through whatever crap _that_ has in it."

Dan looks back at the sketchbook for a while — before looking back at Phil, who's still glancing at him. "It's _not_ crap."

"You're funny."

"No," the brown haired teen insists, folding his arms. "it's really not. I like your drawings."

Phil lets out a long sigh at that point, placing a hand on his chin in deep thought. He doesn't say anything for a while, his eyes fixated on Dan's brown ones. "No one's really said that to me before." he then mumbles, a few moments later. To Dan's embarrassment, Phil's cheeks are slightly tinged with a pink color, his mouth forming into a small smile mixed with modesty and satisfaction. Dan knows that it's not the first time that Phil's said that, either.

They don't say anything for a while.

"You know, Phil." Dan then says. "Not a lot of people tell you these things, don't they?"

The black haired teen shrugs, after thinking about it for a bit. "I guess not. I don't really know a lot of people that are nice to me."

"Oh, man... I'm really sorry."

"Don't be." Phil then smiles, glancing back up at him. He removes his head from his hands and plays around with his fingers. "You're probably one of the few people that's been so... what, nice to me? I'm a jerk. I know that I am, but I'm not really doing anything about it because I _can't._ It's my personality, and I can't really change that by myself. I thought I'd just be all _negative_ throughout my life — there's so many bad things that have happened to me in the past, I didn't see the positive outcome of it anymore. But then I met _you._ You, Dan Howell, with your weirdness and our matching haircuts, and just _you_. We've just met a few months back, but we've had some great times together; both of us know that."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. It'd make me feel more sorry for myself, because I don't want anyone, especially you, to feel bad for me. I'm honestly not okay, but I'd like to thank you for making me feel slightly better throughout the time we've known each other. I appreciate your compliments, and I've begun to start appreciating _you_ and your existence as a whole." He finished. "Thank you, Dan. It means a lot."

After that, Dan feels himself blushing at once, under the intensity of Phil's stare, and the seriousness of his tone. "There's really no need to thank me, Phil. I'm just another ordinary human being that's managed to work my way into your life somehow." He muttered, glancing away from him.

It's silent once more, and all Dan's thoughts is right now is the fact that they've actually _kissed_ last night.

What are they even _now?_ He's never really gave it much thought right after they've arrived back at the dorm, but they've actually _made out._ Drunk. And even before they were slightly tipsy, they've had some specific moments that stood out in the past. Dan knows they're friends, obviously. He _also_ knows that he's felt at least something for Phil at one point, too. It's weird, all of this stuff. He's never been into these kinds of things, love was something always at the back of his mind. This was all so confusing.

"Phil?" Dan then says, hesitantly. He might regret this.

His facial expression doesn't change, he only raises his eyebrows. "Yep?"

"About yesterday, or, last night..." The brown haired teen continues. "When we... uh." He coughed, and hoped Phil got the message. So when the black haired teen started giggling, he was relieved that he didn't have to make the situation incredibly awkward. Dan found himself grinning as well, as he glanced back into Phil's eyes. His roommate was smirking slightly — his cheeks rosy.

"What about it?" Phil laughed. He winks jokingly at Dan, grinning. "Did you enjoy it?"

Dan's face has definitely turned ten shades of red darker now. So he _does_ remember. He can't really speak at the moment, for he's furiously blushing. After a painful minute of silence, he finds himself blurt out, "Did you mean it when you said you wanted to kiss me when we aren't drunk?" After he'd said the last word of that sentence, it was _Phil's_ turn to turn red. It was funny, because it totally stood out against his pale skin.

"W-Well — " the black haired teen stammered. He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands again. "I... I'd be lying if I said I didn't."

 _holy shit holy shit holy shit_ was basically the only phrase running through Dan's mind, when Phil had admitted that he _did_ mean it. _He wanted to kiss him again. Phil_ wanted to kiss _him_ again. And as Dan absentmindedly tugged the ends of his towel, he found himself thinking the _exact same thing._ He wanted to kiss Phil once more, this time — when they aren't tipsy. When they're not in someone else's house, and when they're not surrounded by other drunk college students. Maybe he _does_ like Phil, after all.

"I," Dan then spoke up. He raised his head, and looked back at his roommate, who had a hand on his lips. "I do too. Actually."

The two of them don't really say anything after that. Dan's blushing furiously; he's pretty sure his neck is also red at this point. On the other hand, Phil is slightly surprised, his blue eyes are widened, but his mouth has formed into a small grin. He smiles as he gets up from Dan's bed, and swipes some of the hair out of his eyes. Dan finds himself quickly scooting a little bit back to the wall as Phil sits himself back on his bed, grinning widely.

The brown haired teen feels his back collide with the wall, and gulps — his face burning. Phil is leaning forward slightly, he's close enough for Dan to be able to see all the different colors in his roommate's eyes — how has he _not_ noticed them before? They look so beautiful, like a flurry of stars. He lets out a weird, strangled noise as Phil giggles one more time, placing a hand on Dan's chin. "Are you sure?" Phil asks, and smiles when the other teen nods.

"You're cute when you're flustered," the black haired teen whispers in his ear, and Dan feels himself dying on the inside.

Dan's pulse is quickening, and his heart is beating incredibly fast. He _knows_ he wants to kiss Phil — hell, he was the one that brought the subject up in the first place. The thing was, he wasn't prepared for _this._ He didn't realize Phil could be so... _flirtatious._ It was a side that he hasn't really seen from him before. But then again, he would be lying if he said if he didn't like it.

Although, he did nearly jump when Phil kissed the spot just below his ear, letting out a squeal and hiding his flushed face behind his hands. He started laughing as Phil let out a string of apologies, grinning as he did so. "I'm sorry, I — I just wasn't expecting that," Dan gasped between bouts of laughter, as Phil smirked in response. He planted another surprise peck on Dan's cheek, before looking back into his eyes.

"It's fine." Phil smiles softly, as he brushed a stray curl away from Dan's face. "Your hair's curly again, did you know?"

Dan groans, earning another snort from Phil. "It seems like it's _always_ curly now. I did just get out of the shower a while ago, though — I usually have to straighten it once it finally dries." He looks at Phil's black hair, which is slightly tousled and messy. "I wish I had your hair. I've never liked my hair that much."

"Maybe we should switch hairstyles, then." The other teen answers. After he speaks, he leans forwards slightly and kisses Dan's nose. The brown haired teen finds himself grinning afterwards, unable to look at him straight in the eyes. "I like your curly hair. It makes me feel like I can see _you_ as yourself, truly." Phil mutters, as he kisses Dan's collarbone quickly.

"Why are you _teasing_ me?" Dan mutters, pouting. Phil raises his head from Dan's neck, smiling. He raises an eyebrow, and leans back into a sitting position. Dan rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, his face still flushed. Phil then laughs at his reaction, his tongue poking through his teeth, and the corners of his eyes crinkling. It's a really beautiful sight to see — he likes it when he makes Phil grin like this.

Phil then brushes his fringe out of his eyes before responding. "It's a lot of fun, you know. I didn't know you'd be that impatient." He said, his blue eyes sparkling. He leaned in again, and this time Dan wrapped _his_ hands around the other's neck. He smirks as Phil sighs, and snuggles his head against the crook of Dan's neck once more. "You're a weirdo." The black haired teen mumbles against his skin.

"Shut up and kiss me." Dan then demands, as he tugs against the towel wrapped around Phil's neck, flinging it all the way across the room. He closes his eyes, leaning forward quickly as Phil does the same, their lips connecting at once. It feels like a _spark_ , a jolt of electricity. Dan tilts his face at a slight angle as Phil does it in the opposite direction — their mouths moving in sync. It's absolutely wonderful, kissing Phil _again._ He feels completely worry-free, and he doesn't want this to stop.

Phil's hands move from his mattress to Dan's hair, managing to make it even messier and curlier than normal. He opens his mouth slightly as Phil deepens the kiss, sending Dan into a flurry of many emotions — all of them definitely happiness and complete bliss. He almost smiles when he feels their noses bump lightly against each other. To him, kissing Phil is like the best feeling in the world. He's stated it before, but it's truly _amazing._

He feels Phil's hands move slowly down to his waist, and a small moan escapes his lips as Phil continues to move his lips expertly against Dan's — it's no surprise that he's had lots of experience in the past. Phil then separates from Dan, and the brown haired teen grumbles slightly at the lack of Phil's touch. He grins when Phil plants a small kiss onto his lips, moving on from there. He places short, small pecks all over the other teen's face, kissing him lightly and tracing them down to Dan's chest.

As Phil raises his head again, his mouth open as if he's about to speak — Dan leans forward quickly and interrupts him with another kiss — this one shorter than their previous exchange, but still as wonderful. After he leans back, he winces as his head collides with the wall, laughter escaping from both of their lips. "You're so _stupid._ " Phil laughs, as he places his head against Dan's chest — both of them still giggling.

Dan's about to kiss him again, when at that _exact_ moment, the door slams open immediately.

His eyes widen in panic as Phil removes his head from Dan's chest at once — choosing to roll across the mattress, falling ungracefully onto the floor with a loud thud. Dan turns around to face the doorway and groans as he sees Chris and PJ standing there, gaping at the two of them. Chris is looking both surprised and enraged at the same time, his green eyes widened. PJ on the other hand, is grinning from ear-to-ear, his light green eyes seemed to be smiling as well.

"Chris! Peej!" Dan then says, laughing nervously. "Um, what are you two doing here?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Dan!" Chris then yells, pointing a finger at him. "I know what you both were up to!"

On the floor, Phil shouts, "What are you talking about?"

"Why the fuck you lyin'?" Chris interrupts, his loud voice drowning out both Dan and Phil's protests. "Stop fuckin' lyin'!" He shouted, as he continued to dance in the hallway. He placed his hands on his hips, and cackled. "I _knew_ you guys were going to let your gay control you eventually. That's what I did, and look at me now." PJ snorts, clutching his sides as he doubled over and burst out in laughter.

To his surprise, Dan finds himself laughing as well. He runs a hand through his hair and shook his head, grinning. "You guys are absolutely ridiculous." He giggled, as he glanced at Phil, who was beaming. He stood up and sat next to Dan on his mattress, placing his head on Dan's shoulder. The two of them grinned at both Chris and PJ, who both applauded the two of them, clapping loudly.

"I'm not going to even ask." Dan mumbles into Phil's ear, as he makes a noise of agreement.

"I am disappointed that this didn't happen sooner." Chris huffed, as he shook his head. "I am truly disappointed. But well, at least it did happen. I can die in peace, now. Peej, you owe me fifteen pounds. Cough up, dear. This is why you shouldn't make bets with me. I _always_ win." He sang, as PJ rolled his eyes.

Afterwards, PJ sighed, dug into his pocket, and slammed the money onto Chris's open palm. "I fucking hate you." He grumbled, as he cast an apologetic glance towards both Dan and Phil, who grinned back. Chris laughed as he stuck the fifteen pounds into his back pocket, and nodded. "Well, _I_ think that we should leave those two alone for a while, eh PJ?" He said, winking suggestively at Dan.

As Dan began to feel his face flush again, PJ groaned. "You don't mean — oh my goodness."

"Have fun, boys! Don't forget to use protection!" Chris then said, wiggling his eyebrows as the two of them closed the door shut behind them. For a while, Dan heard their muffled voices outside the door before they both took off at last.

As soon as they left, Dan looked at Phil.

"Should we continue where we left off, then?" He giggled, as the other teen laughed.

His question was answered when Phil tackled him, both of them landing straight on his mattress.

"Of course." He whispered, as he closed the gap between their lips.

* * *

 **A/N:** WOOHOO I AM DONE AND YES ANOTHER KISS FOR YOU HAHAHAHA this is too much fun to write bYE

alright well, see you pals later! i'm going to a concert rn and the mac is at like 7% yikES

loVE YOU GUYS HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

-choco


	7. that is the question

**A/N:** I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING ON TIME FRUONQOKQOQDJIO

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

enjoy!

* * *

 **VII.**

—

that is the question

.

.

.

The next few days after that were probably the best days of Dan's life, in all honesty.

There were many reasons why they'd been the best; Phil was mostly all of them. Whenever Dan would get back from a boring day of classes, he was always grateful to have Phil waiting for him in their room (if he wasn't working), for the two of them to exchange short kisses and warm cuddles on one of their mattresses. It was _really_ nice, Dan found himself wanting more and more every time. He couldn't get enough of the other boy. He was also considerably very caring and kind towards Dan, a side that he's never really seen Phil have before. It is really adorable, he admits.

I mean, who couldn't? Everything about Phil was absolutely stunning. His eyes were like a kaleidoscope, Dan lost count of how many colors were in them. It was _so_ cheesy, but also very true. Phil's smile was gorgeous, and the way that he stuck his tongue out when he grinned never failed to make Dan's heart skip a beat. There's so many things about Phil that Dan adores, and he simply can't list all of them. If he tried to, the list would be never ending.

Chris and PJ haven't stopped bugging Dan about him and Phil, though, despite the two of them seeming inseparable. Chris had always snuck an eyebrow wiggle at Dan while Phil was playfully placing his head on Dan's shoulder one day, and PJ almost choked on his coffee as he witnessed the scene, unable to hold in his laughter. It was pretty hilarious, actually, even after Chris kept nagging Dan about the fact that he _was_ right about the two of them after all.

"I only wish I placed a bet with you," Chris sighed, as he watched Dan stab his spaghetti with a fork. Dan raised an eyebrow as he did so, but smiled as he shook his head. Phil was out working, so it was just the three of them at the moment. The brown haired male didn't really mind it, he had always visited Phil time to time while on his work shift anyway. "if I bet you a thousand pounds, I would've got that. A _thousand pounds_ , Dan."

Dan grins at his food. "Well, that makes me glad that we didn't make a bet about it."

"That makes me regret all the bets with Chris I've made in the past," PJ complains. He huffs as he places a hand on his chin, rolling his eyes as he does so. Next to him, Chris snickers and places his arms on the lunch table. "I've only won five times out of thirty."

Dan smiles, looking up at the two of them. "You've known each other for quite a while, haven't you?"

"Yep," Chris grins, sending Dan a sly wink as he does so. "PJ, Phil, and I — we've known each other since secondary school. It's been a pretty rough time there though, especially for Phil. I don't think he — ?" He trailed off, seeing Dan's confused expression. At that, he awkwardly cleared his throat before continuing. "I mean, our school was pretty fine, but there was a lot of drama. It was really, ah, bullshit. Most of it was, anyway."

The brown haired male places his fork down and puts his head in between his hands. "Ah, that's interesting. My secondary school was a bit boring. Nothing much really happened there, it's not as exciting as I remember anyway. I had friends, yeah, but none of them were going here. I guess that's good though, cause I ended up meeting you idiots." He smirks, as Chris and PJ both nodded in agreement.

"Were you in past relationships at the time?" PJ asks politely, his light green eyes questioning. "I've had a girlfriend, but we had to break it off cause of the distance. To be fair, I didn't really mind, I'm still friends with her in fact. She's dating some other guy now, I think he's into wrestling and stuff like that. He's pretty buff, so I do my best and try to avoid him if I ever cross him."

Dan half-shrugs, and scrunches his nose. "Eh, I had a girlfriend a long time ago. We broke up because she didn't really like my attitude. I told her that she'd have to get used to it dating me, and she exploded. Not literally, but she yelled at me for about an hour in a half before stepping fiercely on my shoe and walking off." He looked at Chris and PJ's expressions, amusement was clear on both of their faces. "What about you, Chris?"

"Sit your ass down, it's time for a story." Chris says, clapping his two hands together.

"I am sitting, actually."

"Anyway, I kind of regret bringing this memory back." He explains, slightly frowning. "I had a girlfriend also, she was really pretty, smart, kind, you name it. We've dated for two years actually, but of course it didn't last." Chris shrugged. "I made her a poster asking her to some dance, and instead of a 'yes', she started crying, pushed me aside, and ripped the poster in half, including my heart. It was devastating, I spent the whole night the day before working on that. Later I found out that apparently her grandpa died the day before. She was in a bad mood for three weeks, and once she cleared up, she approached me, told me that she found someone better, and broke up with me. She apologized for her actions, but it still hurt me a lot."

"He wasn't himself for about two weeks." PJ adds, brushing a stray curl away from his eyes. "Phil and I tried everything to lift his spirits, but he literally lay on the floor one day when we had PE and refused to do anything. We couldn't really do anything about it, though. Our teacher at the time understood, and he allowed the three of us to sit out. It was nice of him. Being broken-hearted sucks."

Dan didn't say anything for a while, and bit his lip. "Oh, shit. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." Chris sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Not everyone's destined to be together, you know? Plus, I'm more happy with PJ anyway." He grinned, as he snuggled his head on PJ's shoulder. The latter gave him a small smile, and shook his head. Dan found himself hiding his laugh, looking down and taking another bite of his spaghetti. It turns out that he didn't know _everything_ about his friends yet, but telling stories like this was pretty interesting.

"So, Dan..." Chris then remarks, removing his head from PJ's shoulder. "Are you and Phil actually dating now?"

It's not the first time Chris has asked that, but Dan couldn't blame him because he wasn't too sure himself. The brown haired male frowns at that question, not really sure on how to answer it. Yeah, he and Phil have been acting super couple-y, and they _have_ shared quite a few heated kisses with each other. The thing was, they haven't really properly asked each other out yet, despite all of the things they've been doing. Dan's not really sure, though. He thinks they are, they sure act like it. "I think so."

PJ looks genuinely bewildered. "You're not sure?"

"It's not _that_ , it's just — " Dan says, as he fixes his fringe. " — we haven't properly asked each other out yet."

Chris snorts. "Just ask him out then. It shouldn't be _that_ hard."

"I'll do it eventually." The brown haired male sighs, as he stands up from the table. He throws the small remainder of spaghetti in the trash can, leaving the plate and tray on top of it. "I'll see you guys in a bit, then. Later." He says, as he pulls his student ID out of his pocket, placing it around his neck. He gives Chris and PJ a two finger salute before making his way out of the cafeteria, and soon out of the school.

As Dan leaves, Chris giggles.

"What did I tell you, PJ? A match made in heaven." He says, as PJ smirks back in response.

* * *

Dan makes it to the coffee shop about twenty minutes later.

He's greeted by a light chime as he enters through the doors, exhaling once he's entered the warm building. It's complete contrast to how cold it is outside, after all, it's only a few weeks until Christmas finally arrives here. Students are scattered around, some are alone, and there's a group of four girls quietly chatting in the other side of the shop. At the corner of his eye, he notices that they seem to be staring at him, as well as the person at the counter. At this, he smiles as a familiar voice greets him, and as he looks up — he sees Phil giving him a crooked smile. He's wearing his glasses, through them, his multicolored eyes sharp and welcoming at the same time. His arms are crossed when Dan walks up to him, but his smile stays.

"Hey." Dan says, as he places his hands on the counter. He could only imagine the girls' reactions to this.

Phil places his own hands on top of Dan's, and the brown haired teen smiles at his touch. His pale skin goes well with Dan's slightly tanned ones, and he takes this moment to lace their fingers together. Phil's hands are very warm, Dan grins as he looks back up at him. "Are you going to order something, or what?" Phil jokes, smiling widely as he does so. "I like that you're here, but I have a job to do."

"You're no fun." Dan says, sticking his tongue out at him. "I'd like a regular — "

" — caramel macchiato?" Phil finishes, raising an eyebrow. Dan rolls his eyes as he nods, and as Phil removes his hands from his to punch in the order. "My shift's done in fifteen minutes, so I have time to chat afterwards. Don't worry." He informs Dan, as the other places five pounds into Phil's palm. After the black haired teen hands him a receipt, Dan takes a seat near the windows, tapping his fingers lightly on the table.

He finds himself thinking about what Chris said earlier, something about secondary school being a rough time. Dan feels bad for Chris, having to deal with that unfortunate problem. _What are the odds?_ It really does suck, being broken-hearted. He finds himself feeling bad for everyone who's been like this in general, but he's pulled out of his thoughts as he hears his name being called from the counter.

Phil hands him his drink then, and Dan takes it gratefully, his fingers touching the other's. Dan gives Phil another smile before sitting back down and taking a sip from his drink. He plays this little staring game with him — the two of them glance at each other, and as the brown haired teen giggles (almost spilling his drink all over him as he does so), he sees Phil shaking his head, smiling as he does so.

He's brought back to his attention as the door opens, and in comes another female. She looks around Dan's age, and she's looking around cautiously before slowly walking up to the counter. Dan watches as she taps her fingers quite impatiently on her coat, her gray eyes are narrowed slightly as she brushes a strand of brown hair away from her face. Dan looks over to Phil, slightly surprised to see his expression quite stony. Although Phil's quite rude in general, Dan's never seen him like this to anyone he's served.

Dan drinks his macchiato as he watches the two of them, seeing that Phil takes her order quite quickly. It seems like he doesn't want her there in the first place. The brown haired teen tilts his head slightly as she takes a seat on one of the chairs, her gray eyes not leaving the counter. As soon as her name was called, she took her drink slowly, walking back to her spot, her eyes _still_ fixated on the black haired teen.

The brown haired teen frowns as he watches Phil walk into the 'Employees Only' door, coming out ten minutes later with a frown on his face and an owl sweater in replace of his apron. Dan watches as another male takes the spot at the countertop, looking quite bored — signaling that Phil's shift has ended. He sighs as he takes a seat with Dan, burying his face in his hands. Dan raises an eyebrow, slightly confused. Phil seemed to be quite frustrated about something, although he didn't know what. "Phil?" Dan asks softly, nudging his elbow lightly. "Phil, what's wrong?"

"Dan, I'm sorry if this doesn't explain much — but I think we need to leave. Now." Phil mutters, not answering his question. As he looks back up at Dan, his expression is quite serious. His eyes are showing signs of slight frustration, and annoyance. Dan blinks, but as he opens his mouth to speak, Phil shakes his head. "I'll explain to you when we get back. It's about _her_ , by the way..." He says, jerking his head towards the girl's direction.

"Okay." Dan says, as the two of them stand up simultaneously.

As they start to leave, Phil nudges Dan's arm. Immediately Phil's right hand trails to Dan's left one, gripping it tightly. Dan welcomes his familiar touch, but as he looks to the side — he sees the same girl staring at him quite intensely. It's like her gray eyes are _reading_ him, and it's kind of unsettling. He cuts the stare off though, as both he and Phil make their way out of the coffee shop, back to their dorm room.

Dan wasn't necessarily quite sure what was going on, but he sensed that it wasn't going to be anything good.

* * *

Phil locks the door behind him as soon as they get in.

Dan crashes on Phil's mattress, as the black haired male pulls off his sweatshirt — revealing a plain black t-shirt under it, which was actually one of Dan's clothing. The two of them often exchanged shirts; they were comfortable with each other, after all. It made the brown haired teen feel very satisfied as Phil sat down on his bed as well, their arms touching. Pretty soon, Phil wrapped his own arm around Dan's, intwining his fingers with the other male's and squeezing it lightly.

"So, what's up?" Dan asks, turning his head so he could face Phil.

Phil doesn't really look back at him right away, until a moment later. His eyes look tired behind his glasses, and it makes Dan unbelievably concerned. "Well... you know the girl that I pointed out to you earlier?" He says softly, staring at their entwined hands. As Dan nods, Phil lets out a long sigh. His other hand is tapping his thigh repeatedly, and it seems like he doesn't want to tell whatever it was. Then, he said it. "Her name's Sarah, and she's my ex-girlfriend."

 _Oh._ That wasn't a good sign.

"I don't know _how_ she found out where I was working." Phil continues, his tone unsteady. "I didn't want anything to do with her, after she decided that our relationship needed to end. I really didn't give a crap when we broke up, I've never really liked her anyways. But why is she back, Dan? I don't love her like I used to. It felt like I was being used the whole time, she was the one that cheated on me after all."

Dan bites his lower lip. "When did you guys date?"

"Secondary school." Phil mutters, sounding a bit disappointed in himself. "I really regret it, you know. That was six months of my life that I couldn't get back. Six months that I wasted on _her._ " He said, disgusted. "I can't believe that I was that stupid to actually be in a relationship with her. You could ask Chris and PJ about that too, I'm sure they'd tell you about it eventually."

 _That was probably the thing that Chris was saying earlier._ It was silent for a while, but then Dan decided to break it.

"Phil, are we dating?" He then mumbles softly, placing his head on Phil's shoulder. "That's the real question, isn't it?"

Phil relaxes against his touch, placing his own head on Dan's as he does so. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. We've kissed. We've made out, shared clothes, done a lot of couple-y stuff, haven't we? It's the kind of things that I've done with all of my relationships in my past, so yes, I think we're dating. Why?" He says, sounding a bit confused on why he'd asked that. Although Phil can't really see his face, Dan smiles softly, continuing to snuggle on his shoulder.

"Go out with me, then, so we could say that we are." The brown haired male mumbles.

He's satisfied to hear Phil's soft laughter, and he's still laughing when Dan decides to push the two of them down on the mattress. He's looking into Phil's eyes now, most of the previous frustration and worry from his eyes have disappeared — replaced with happiness and slight bewilderment. His glasses are slightly crooked, but Dan doesn't care, because he still looks really gorgeous. Phil's hair is slightly tousled, and although his expression is tired — it makes Dan smile.

Their noses are lightly touching, as Dan laughs back. "I said, go out with me."

"Is my answer not obvious already?" Phil jokes, as the other male scoffs. "I'll go out with you, Daniel Howell."

That was all he needed. Dan grins as he cups Phil's cheek with his right hand, looking straight into his eyes. He shuts his eyes quickly as he gives Phil a kiss on the lips, their noses bumping awkwardly against each other as he does so. "Good." Dan whispers, as he smiles once more at him. Phil smiles back, his eyes are glancing at Dan, they look like shining stars. "Listen to me, Phil. You're with _me_. Forget all about Sarah, because all of that was in the past. You don't have to stay regretting dating her. Just consider it a lesson, and a mistake. It's done now, and she can't force you back into a relationship since I'm with you."

Phil smiles, and shakes his head. "What did I do to deserve you?"

" _Dan and Phil_ sounds way better than Sarah and Phil does, anyway." Dan snickers, as Phil hits him lightly. They lay like that for a while, legs dangling from Phil's bed, not saying that much things and exchanging soft kisses with each other. Phil turns his head to the other male after a while, frowning lightly. "You know, Dan... I'm still kind of worried. I don't think this issue is going to go away anytime soon."

Dan blinks. "We'll just have to hope that it does. I'm guessing we both don't know what she's up to."

"Whatever the reason, I don't think we should stress over it right now." Phil says softly. "It might've just been a coincidence. Also, there's other things to worry about that's more important than her. Christmas is coming up, and I kind of need to tell you something by then. I can't do it now, since the timing's not right." He trails off, seeing Dan's expression.

"Aw, come on, Phil — telling me this early isn't going to hurt anything."

"It _has_ to be by Christmas." Phil sang, tapping Dan's nose lightly. "You'll just have to wait and see."

Dan huffs as Phil sits up, reaching for his backpack. "I hate you."

"No you don't." the black haired male smiles, as he pulls out his math notebook. "Dan, I know we're dating and all, but I need to do my homework. Can you please refrain from distracting me, for now? I promise we could kiss and stuff later." He says, as he flicks Dan's forehead. The brown haired teen smirks as he crashes on his own mattress, and as Phil looks at him seriously.

"Alright." He finally says, pulling his own Literature textbook out of his backpack.

It's silent as the two of them glance at each other for a while.

"Weirdo." Phil smiles, looking at his notebook.

"You love it though."

* * *

 **A/N:** okay! i am done,, i hope you all enjoyed it bc i sure did enjoy writing this chapter

okay but the sarah character IS made up and although she doesn't really play a part now, she will in the future okkk

i hope you liked the phan fluff in this chapter bc I DID ha (i apologize for mistakes.. i am v distracted right now)

see you soon! new chapter should be up in a week or so.

-choco xx


	8. adore you

**A/N:** my updating schedule is SO BAD honestly i'm so... irresponsible but pls there's this thing called School who loves getting in the way of things so that's one excuse but i'm here now and i'm actually updating so that's good right (even though it's pretty late over here oh, my)

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

* * *

 **VIII.**

—

adore you

.

.

.

As the days crept closer to Christmas, Dan began to feel more and more anxious.

Two weeks before, Phil had told him that there was something _important_ that he needed to tell him, but he couldn't say it earlier because supposedly the "timing wasn't right." When Dan tried pressing the subject onto him a couple of times, Phil had refused to give the information away—which slightly annoyed the brown haired teen, but well, what can you do? Phil was quite stubborn with these kinds of things, so he just figured that he needed to wait things out... just for a bit longer anyway. He hadn't really mentioned this to Chris and PJ—maybe they knew what it was Phil was keeping from him?

The weird thing was, whenever Dan tried to hint it to him—Phil seemed kind of sad when he did. If they were cuddling or whatever before, the black haired teen would've tensed up and bit his lower lip in response. When Dan asked if he was okay, Phil just gave him a small smile and exhaled softly. And Dan _knew_ that expression. He's seen it so many times now. The light in Phil's blue eyes always dimmed a bit whenever it was brought up. Eventually he'd playfully push Dan aside and mutter an "I'll tell you soon." afterwards.

Dan didn't really understand that. He wasn't sure _what_ to expect at all.

Maybe this is what Chris and PJ meant when they said that Phil would eventually open up to him soon? Dan's extremely grateful that he's gotten much more closer to Phil—well, close enough that they were now dating—but he's not sure if he wants to encourage Phil on telling him whatever it was he wanted to tell him. Dan didn't want to hurt him; the little information that Chris had shared with him before was enough for him to know that his past wasn't a good one.

He sighs as he looks down at his English paper.

 _Write down your thoughts on Romeo's feelings for Juliet. Is it an unrequited love? Explain both sides of the question in the space below. Don't forget to use quotes from the passage to support your answer. Hint: Examine the emotion in Romeo and Juliet's words when they speak/call to each other._

Dan smiles at the words on the page. It seemed like only yesterday Chris was reciting the play, drunk. He can't _ever_ forget that moment; in his head he begins to imagine Chris as Romeo and PJ as Juliet. He begins to write on the page, laughing quietly to himself—analyzing things like these were much easier if he could relate the concepts in real life. He turns around slightly—looking over at Phil's bed. The black haired teen is quietly scribbling on his notebook, his legs crossed and his expression focused. Dan can't help but smile at the sight; Phil looks cute focused like this.

His thoughts shift around as he turns back to his English assignment.

A smile tugs at Dan's lips as he realizes that this situation Romeo and Juliet are going through can be the same thing for both he and Phil as well. He taps his pencil lightly on the desk, nodding slowly as he begins to write his response. _Romeo's feelings towards Juliet aren't unrequited._ He scribbles. _The way that they talk to each other can prove it, in these following lines..._

After a while he finishes his homework, and puts his pencil down at last. He yawns as he turns his head to look at the clock—8:34 pm. Ah, for once he didn't finish quite so late—he tried "not procrastinating" for once, and this time it worked out quite well for him. Dan looks over to Phil, who was now staring at him back. A small smile appears on Phil's face, and Dan grins back at him as he does so.

"Are you done too?" Dan asks, angling his chair so it would face Phil.

The black haired boy wrinkles his nose in response, and then shrugs afterwards. "Not really." He says, as he watches the other boy get up from his chair and sit on his mattress slowly. The two of them stare unblinkingly at each other for a while—Phil's blue eyes glancing into Dan's brown ones. Eventually Dan has to look away; the intensity of Phil's stare still manages to intimidate him somehow.

He imagines Phil smiling, and once he looks up at him again, he's right. The black haired boy's mouth is formed into some kind of smirk, he brushes some of his fringe aside before reaching out for Dan's sleeve. Dan looks at his left hand, and then back up at Phil—who had raised his eyebrows. "What?" Dan smiles, as he scoots closer. "I'm here with you, isn't that enough already?" he adds jokingly, as the other male rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Phil mutters, and Dan laughs in response.

The two of them don't say anything for a while again. It's a comfortable silence, and now both Dan and Phil's hands are intwined together on the mattress—Dan's still in awe on how their fingers seemed to go together; like a lock and key, like two jigsaw puzzle pieces connecting together without any trouble. It made him feel extremely giddy and ebullient. Phil's fingers are soft—Dan enjoys the feel of them.

He looks up at the other teen. "I feel like I'm distracting you."

"You _are_ , but I don't want you to stop." Phil says bluntly. He grasps Dan's hand tighter at this, and the brown haired teen rolls his eyes in response. He tries to tug his hand away—but fails, as Phil wraps his hand tighter around his, and trailing his grip up so it closed around his wrist lightly. He pulls Dan's arm closer to him, earning a small yelp of surprise from the other teen—and plants a light kiss on Dan's forehead as he does so. Dan feels his face warm up instantly, and curses silently under his breath. Phil _still_ manages to make him flustered, even after they've become an object.

In return, Dan quickly sneaks a small peck on Phil's cheek before withdrawing from him, smirking. "Distracting you is fun, but you've got homework to do." He says, as the other teen slowly touches the spot where Dan had kissed him, his expression full of surprise. "I'm going to go over to Chris and PJ's for a bit. I've never really visited them that much anyways." He bites back a laugh as Phil stares at him, incredulous. "I won't be gone for long, plus, you need to finish whatever you're doing."

"I swear you've never said that before." The black haired teen grumbles, as Dan stands up and pulls on a coat. Phil watches him as he then tugs his converse on, swiping a hand through his hair. "Well, I have now." He smiles at Phil's still slightly irritated expression. "Don't worry, I'll be back. I'm not going to be gone forever, okay?" He says, now sitting closer to Phil—close enough that he could interpret all colors of his eyes.

He raises his eyebrows. "Make me believe that."

Dan sighs, but leans forwards and presses his lips onto Phil's gently. The familiar feeling in his heart starts to come back once he does so—that familiar, flustered feeling. It makes his heart sing and his face turn darker shades of red, but Dan loves it. After a few seconds, he lets go of the kiss and stares right back at Phil, his eyebrows raised this time. "Is that good enough for you?" He smiles, as he witnesses the other teen try not to smile.

He's interrupted once more by another short kiss—there's slightly more force in this one; but coming from Phil, it's not much of a surprise. Dan finds himself grinning through it, the feeling of their lips colliding is complete bliss and he enjoys every second of it. They let go eventually, the brown haired boy standing up. "I'll be back soon." He promises, as he walks to the door. He waves his hand in a goodbye as Phil does the same, smiling at him from across the room.

He locks the door behind him, before stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking off to room 538.

* * *

Dan's eyes shift from door to door, looking at the numbers on them.

 _523\. 527. 531. 535._

He stops immediately once he reads the number _538_ , straightening his posture as he looked up at the numbers in interest. It didn't seem like much on the outside, for all of the doors in the boys' dorm looked all the same. Dan knew that on the inside, it was completely different. He frowns a bit before raising an arm to knock on the door, hoping that he wasn't intruding on anything. He exhales a bit before knocking three times on the door lightly.

No response. Were they not home? Dan raises an eyebrow.

He knocks harder, and yet, still no response. Annoyance rises inside of Dan's stomach, and he looks around to see if anyone is around. No one's in the corridors, and there really isn't anything that Dan could use to possibly get Chris _or_ PJ's attention. He pounds on the door now, not really caring if it was extremely loud. _Still_ no response. He frowns slightly, staring at the door in front of him. He glanced down at the key—should he open it? It'd be rude to go in without their permission—but then again they weren't responding to his knocks.

Then again, Chris and PJ were always barging in on them anyway.

Dan shrugs, and before he could regret it, he placed the key in the keyhole and twisted it, unlocking the door. He nearly slams it open, but once the door had opened just for a second, it slammed back at him—scaring the _shit_ out of the brown haired boy. He yelled as the door ran into his foot, which was wedged in between the door and the small space where he'd put his foot in. Intense pain shot through his body as Dan shouted out a string of curses—mainly directed towards Chris and PJ.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Dan shouted through the door—he removed his foot from the space and bent down to massage it, wincing. "CHRIS! PJ! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" He shouted, using both of his fists to pound on it extremely loudly. "OPEN UP!"

A few pounding later, the door _finally_ swung open. Chris and PJ were standing in the doorway, both with matching looks of horror on their faces. Dan's eyes widened at the sight of both of them—they were in pajamas, Chris wearing his shirt backwards and PJ wearing his inside out. Their hair were both disheveled and stuck up at odd angles, their eyes nervously darting to and from Dan to each other.

"Uh, hello." Dan mutters awkwardly. "Did I—did I interrupt something?"

PJ looked like he wanted to melt into the floor, but Chris responded instead. "We were just going to bed early and I thought there was an intruder at the door, considering on how _hard_ they were pounding." He said, his green eyes widened. He looked at Dan with a smile, knowing that didn't fool him. "Okay fine, I'm kidding. You nearly walked in on us, and it scared the shit out of me. So I slammed the door on your foot. Sorry about that, by the way. Come in!"

Dan stares at PJ, wide-eyed, and the curly haired teen shrugs back. "You guys are a _thing_? Since when?"

"Er, since a while ago. We assumed that you thought that this was a joke, the fact that Chris likes to drool over me sometimes. I can't really blame him though, I'm pretty irresistible. Also it's okay, we were just getting sta—"

"—I do _not_ want to know what you two were up to, thank you."

It was a good thing that their room wasn't as messy as Dan thought it would be, considering what had been happening before he had gotten in. Dan stood awkwardly in the corner as both Chris and PJ sat on their own mattresses, PJ's legs crossed and Chris staring at Dan with a curious expression in his eyes. "So, what's up?" He said casually, swiping a hand through his already messy hair, making it even messier.

"Um, I kinda wanted to talk to you guys about something." Dan replies, nervously fidgeting with his jacket sleeve. As he looked up to see the expressions on Chris and PJ's faces, both of their eyes were widened slightly. They looked at each other, and then back at Dan, who had acknowledged their behavior. He raised an eyebrow in response. "It's about Phil."

Chris frowns, crossing his arms. "What about him? Relationship problems?"

"Sexual frustration?" PJ chimes in.

"Weird desires?"

"No, none of that!" Dan says, massaging his temples in exaggeration. "I don't really think that I should be asking you two this, but..." he bit his lower lip and avoided their gaze. "Has he ever told you two something about Christmas? He's been keeping something from me and I'm not sure if I want to know what it is, every time I ask him about it he always seems so—"

"—distant?" Both Chris and PJ said in unison. They didn't sound surprised at all.

Dan blinks. "Yeah. Distant."

Chris and PJ glanced at each other, and then back at him once more. PJ sighs, shaking his head lightly. "Honestly, I think it's best for him to tell you himself. I don't think he'd appreciate us telling you about it." He said, his light green eyes serious. "I think the only thing that we can tell you is that it's pretty serious, and it's why he's the way he is today, if that makes any sense." PJ mutters, running a hand through his curly hair.

"For once, I agree with Peej." Chris says, nodding. "He should tell you himself."

The brown haired teen frowns, pulling his sleeves over his hands. "Alright... do you think it'll hurt him if he tells me, though? I think that I'll feel really bad if it, you know, opens a new wound or anything like that. I just... I don't want to hurt him. From what I know, his past wasn't really a good one, right? I just..." Dan sighs, finally taking a seat on one of the chairs in the room. He places his head in his hands, staring at the floor. "I don't want to hurt him. He means a lot to me."

Once he looks up at the two other teens—both of them have matching expressions of sympathy on them.

"Hey, it's okay, Dan." PJ says, understanding in his tone. "I actually think that Phil would feel better if he told you what was wrong. Well, nothing's wrong with him right now, I'm sure—but usually getting things off your chest is one of the things you could do to get something off of your mind. Don't worry, he's told us already a while back—and I can tell he'll feel loads better once he tells you."

On the other mattress, Chris nods solemnly. "That's right. You know my ex-girlfriend? The one that ripped my poster in half? Before we got to that _yikes_ stage, we were actually going on pretty well. Whenever she had drama with any of her friends that I thought that were irrelevant, she would always come to me, usually crying. Being the caring boyfriend I was, I always asked her what was wrong. Sometimes it backfired. Sometimes she'd scream at me and tell me to leave, but other times, when she wasn't hardheaded or anything, she told me what was going on. I cheered her up, and she felt better. It went on like this, well, until we broke up."

Dan stood up at that moment, and pat Chris on the back as he did so. "I'm really sorry, man."

"It's fine, she was a bitch anyway." Chris shrugs, swiping a hand through his hair. His green eyes glinted with amusement. "I'm _much_ more happier with PJ now. He's such a sweetheart, and I get money from him from all the bets we make." PJ makes a sour face at the last sentence, scrunching his nose in disagreement. Chris smiles in response, but slings an arm around Dan for reassurance. "Phil's a good guy. He loves you, you know? I've never seen him like that ever since—"

He stopped mid-sentence, and looked extremely worried—an expression that Dan's not used to seeing on him. "Uh—I mean—"

"You're talking about Sarah, aren't you?" Dan then mutters softly. He looks at Chris, and then at PJ. When he saw the surprise on their expressions—he knew that he was right. "I already know about her. I kinda, ah, ran into her one time when I was visiting Phil during his shift. Phil told me about her, I'm sure that they were close before they had broken up, right?"

PJ looked kind of uncomfortable. "Well..."

"I guess you could say that." Chris said, frowning.

Dan gave them a confused look. "Why do you two seem so uncertain?"

"We kind of... had a bad feeling about her from the start." PJ muttered, placing a hand under his chin in deep thought. "The first day we met her, I knew that something was wrong. She had seemed like she knew us from when Phil introduced us to her. You know at the time, Phil was the sun. He was the _literal_ sun, and an angel. He was always smiling—always cheerful—always happy. You might not believe us now, considering the fact that he's not as nice as he was before, but it's true."

"He was still like this when he was with Sarah. I guess he didn't know that she was actually pretty evil. He had a girlfriend before Sarah, I'm not sure if he told you that, what happened to her was really... well, it's not something someone would like talking about. Phil's girlfriend before Sarah had gotten into a car accident, after Phil had took her out on a date. The next thing he knew, he was wearing his date night outfit to that girl's funeral. No one knew who did it, supposedly the driver wasn't even in the car when it happened. I say it was a _load of bullshit._ Everyone knew that Sarah had the biggest crush on Phil. The next day, Sarah comes acting all innocent and everything—of course Phil gets attracted to her right away." Chris finished, his expression dark.

PJ nods. "She never liked us, by the way. She always thought we were bothersome. I was so happy when they finally had broken up, and I think Phil was too, in all honesty. He was still his happy self after that—I don't think he cared once the two of them were over. I think it bothered Sarah more than it bothered him, which is saying something. She was the one who had said it was over, and personally, I'm glad that it wasn't Phil who decided that. Who knows what would have happened to him if he did?"

Dan pursed his lips in concern; Phil hadn't mentioned this to him at all. But inside, he was glad that he didn't. Phil seemed pretty shaken up already—like he said before, Dan didn't want to make it worse. The expressions on both Chris and PJ's faces were extremely grave and serious. Imagining Phil as a really happy guy... it was kind of hard for Dan to do, even though he still was quite sweet today.

"And then, well..." Chris sighed. "The thing that made his happy nature disappear—it happened."

It was silent for a while, and Dan's head couldn't stop spinning.

He had _no_ idea that Sarah could be this sinister. It made his worries about her increase, and Dan found himself staring at the floor—not sure on what to say. "That's so horrible. I didn't know that any of that happened... oh, _hell._ " Dan said, placing a hand over his forehead. "I just ran into her a couple of weeks ago... if she's back here, then that must mean trouble. Phil was right. She might do something."

"She might do something to _you_ , Dan." PJ said, his tone grave. "You'll need to be more cautious these days."

The brown haired teen exhaled. "Yeah..."

It was quiet for a couple of moments, and then Chris removed his arm from Dan's shoulder. "You should get back to your room, Dan. I'm sure Phil might be worried about you, even if he did know that you came here to visit. It was nice of you to come see us though, I'll give you that. Nice talk." He smiled, as Dan stood up from his mattress. He smiles at the two of them gratefully—before heading towards the door.

"See you guys tomorrow." Dan says, nodding at the both of them.

PJ smiles at him from his bed. "Goodnight, Dan. Sleep well."

"Sorry about your foot." Chris grins, as the other teen scoffs and leaves the room.

* * *

Dan ends up arriving at the room a bit later.

He knocks lightly on the rough surface before inserting the key, turning it and unlocking the door. Dan comes in, not surprised to see Phil already in his pajamas. He's wearing blue, gray, and white checkered pants—along with a loose, light blue t-shirt that showed his collarbones. His head was bent over a book that he was open on his lap, he was tapping the pages of the book lightly with the tip of his fingers.

Dan clears his throat lightly before closing and locking the door behind him, and this time Phil looks up at him. His blue eyes are bright as always—they're widened with slight surprise and amusement as well. "You're back." Phil says, with a small smile on his face. Dan has to admit that he looks unbelievably attractive like that—now he was the one that was distracting him.

"Yeah." He replies, his voice surprisingly dry. He unbuttons his coat and throws it onto his dresser, as he begins to remove his shoes. He's already wearing the clothes that he was planning to wear to sleep, which was a plain white t-shirt along with gray sweatpants. He smiles at Phil as he begins to clear his desk, stuffing his English homework into his backpack.

"Did you walk in on them?" Phil then said—it was clear that he was still smiling. "You look pretty shaken up."

"That's true." Dan smirks, looking back at him. "You _do_ know everything, don't you?"

"Of course." The black haired teen replies. He shuts his book and puts it aside, standing up and walking over to Dan's side of the room—taking a seat on the other boy's mattress. Dan knows that he's watching him put away his things—Phil's staring at him once he turns around, patting the space next to him. Dan sits down on his mattress, laying down so that his head was on Phil's lap.

He looks up at Phil—remembering the things that Chris and PJ had mentioned about him earlier.

 _An angel. The actual sun._

Staring at him now, it wasn't hard to believe. He guessed that whatever that had shook Phil up was pretty serious if it made him change his whole personality. Although he was showing signs of his sweetness before, Dan still could tell that he was pretty rough around the edges. He could see the angelic side to him—when he was previously very happy. Dan felt his heart aching. Phil didn't deserve any of the crap that was going on in his life. First it was losing that girl to the car accident, then Sarah, and then whatever happened to him that made him extremely sad.

Dan felt bad for him. But it only made his liking towards Phil increase even more.

"Phil—" The brown haired teen whispered, glancing up at him. He raised a hand and gently cupped the other teen's cheek, massaging it lightly. Phil's skin was soft—Dan really liked the feel of it. Dan liked him a lot. Scratch that— _he loved him_. He loved him to bits, and Dan knew that his love for him would continue to grow every passing day that the two of them were together.

"Yeah?" Phil whispered back, bringing his face closer to Dan's.

 _Gosh, he's beautiful._

"I love you so much." Dan mumbled, smiling sleepily up at him.

In response, Phil's blue eyes glinted. His expression had pleasant shock all over it, his blue eyes widened. His hand was covering his mouth, and it was trembling slightly. Confused, Dan looked back up at Phil, who hadn't spoken for a bit. Wait—were those _tears_? Dan was _sure_ that he could see tiny pools of water forming in the other male's eyes. Seeing the sight of that made _him_ want to cry, but he held the tears back. He didn't want to make Phil cry even more. Instead, he smiled as he felt Phil's tears fall onto his face.

"Dan... I..." Phil exhales, his voice shaking slightly. "I love you too."

He bends his head down even more, connecting their lips together. At this point, Dan can't hold back the tears any longer—but it's one of the best kisses that he's had with Phil before, and that's saying something. After a while, the two of them separate—their faces tear-stained. The two of them laugh at the sight of each other; it's the first time they've seen each other cry, but it's quite funny.

"I'm guessing no one's ever said that to you before?" Dan asks, wiping his tears away.

Phil smiles down at him. "It's not that no one's ever said that to me, it's just that..."

The two of them gaze at each other before he finishes.

"You're the only person who's ever meant it."

* * *

 **A/N:** yELLS I'M DONE & THIS TOOK ME SUCH A LONG TIME I HOPE U ENJOYED

next update should be pretty soon! this is my favorite story to update tbH LMAO

-choco


	9. christmas day

**A/N:** it's been too long hasn't it :-(...

i told myself that i WILL update sooner than later but. Here I Am and i failed myself rip! but you know i'm glad i actually have time to type this out because i've been REALLY hyped for this fic since it's actually one of my favorites to write. i'm so sorry for not updating this sooner than i wanted to :( my excuse, is yet again school, but i'm not lying at All cause school is seriously fucking me up so hard right now

also.. **slight warning: if car crashes trigger you then i advise you not to read. this chapter is quite sad, i guess you can say.**

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

enjoy!

* * *

 **IX.**

—

christmas day

.

.

.

When Dan opens his eyes on Christmas morning, the first thing he sees are a pair of hazel eyes staring _right_ back at him.

"Wha—?" The brown haired boy mumbles, slightly confused—he's very sure that he has a roommate with a pair of blue-green-yellow eyes, last time he's checked. His mind, still a bit fuzzy with sleep, took a while to register that the owner of the hazel eyes was indeed Chris Kendall, who at the moment was now shaking Dan's shoulders very violently while screaming in his ear: "WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD! IT'S _CHRISTMAS_!"

Dan grumbles as he pushes Chris off his mattress, making the other teen land on the room floor with a soft thud. "Go away." He mutters, as he puts his pillow over his ears and turns around on his bed. Dan rummages around for his phone, pulling it out and squinting at the screen. The numbers read 5:32 AM. "It's five in the _fucking_ morning." Chris' head pops up at the side of Dan's bed and he grins. "I _know._ But don't you want to open your presents?"

PJ's voice then speaks up from the other side of the room. "You know you want to!"

"What presents are you talking about? Guys, April Fool's Day was a long time ago. Not funny."

"I'm not joking, you idiot! I got you something. And PJ did too okay!"

This makes Dan's eyes open wide. He sat upright, and blinks—not caring about his bedhead or his previous tiredness. He _never_ got gifts from any of his friends back in high school or elementary. "You _did_? Oh gosh, you really didn't have to—" He stammers, as he looks at the other bed, where Phil was lying. The black haired teen was already sat up, rubbing his eyes before pushing his glasses on. Phil's eyes look tired, but amused at the same time. He glances at Dan before training his gaze on the two teens who were grinning back at them.

"Of course I had to, stupid." Chris rolls his eyes. "You're my _friend._ I wanted to get you something. I got Phil and PJ stuff too. I get them stuff every year we've been friends, like a mini celebration to celebrate our friendship. It's nice, you know? It's like a friendaversary. I like it." He smiles at that, but PJ and Phil both scoff.

Phil smirks. "He only gives us gifts on Christmas because he forgot the actual day of our friendaversary."

"Shut up! That's irrelevant."

"We're still grateful though." PJ says in with a large smile. "Don't stop wasting your money on us, Chris."

"Enough with this crap, just open your goddamn gifts already." Chris says, and both Dan and Phil climb out of bed and join their other two friends who were sitting on the carpet. A small pile of gifts were in the middle of the four. Dan hadn't forgotten to go get his friends things, but was worried that the gifts he got them wasn't even good enough. He wrapped his presents neatly though, unlike Phil, who's wrapped gifts were a disaster to look at. There were flaps sticking out, and the tape wasn't sticky enough to even hold the ends down.

Dan laughs at the sight of it. "What even is that?" He says, pointing to the wrapping paper.

"Decoration." Phil says, clearly oblivious. "It looks great, right?"

The other three teenagers exchanged glances and shrug.

"Alright guys: one, two, three!" PJ smiles—and the four of them start to open their gifts. Dan turns to his pile, finding himself smiling at the presents. He looks through the three gifts and chooses Chris' to open first, Phil's would be the best for last. The brown haired teen scoffs when he reads the gift tag: _To Dan, who's relationship I predicted from the start. From Chris, your favorite friend._ He takes apart the wrapping paper and smiling slightly when he's met with another box, and when he opened it there was a smaller box inside it.

He opens the larger box first, and realizes it's a gray long sleeve with the word "tumblr" scrawled on it. He breaks into a smile, and glances at Chris who was raising his eyebrows at him. "Thought you'd like it, you're always on that website." Dan grins and folds the gray long sleeve, before taking a peek into the small box—and recoiling at once. There were condoms inside, along with a small note and a small bottle of lube. _Did Chris really just..._

Dan stared at the inside of the box, horrified. He was _so_ lucky that Phil and PJ were engrossed in their own presents to notice. Chris Kendall, on the other hand, was smiling at Dan so widely and giddily that the latter wanted to dig himself a hole and bury himself in it. He shut his eyes tightly, inhaled and exhaled, and then read it silently to himself.

 _Dan,_

 _I think you'd be in great need of these one day. Enjoy! :)_

 _Love, Chris xx_

Turning a deep shade of red at once, the brown haired male shut the small box tightly and shoved it under his new sweater, moving on to PJ's present (surely it'd be more innocent than Chris'). It looked like a rectangle, the size of a picture frame. Curious, Dan opened it, and he was right. The small picture frame held a picture (duh) of the four teenagers, in what seemed to be taken during mid-laugh. Dan remembered this; they'd all gone out together once and were fooling around with the new camera PJ had gotten from his parents. They'd took a lot of pictures that day, but Dan never saw any of them until now.

The gift tag read: _For Dan. Hopefully this year would be a nice one to remember. From, PJ._

The four of them seemed to be laughing at a joke, all of their smiles were present. Dan smiles to himself as he glances at each of their faces—all of them look completely at peace, all their worries gone. Phil's face was absolutely beautiful. The corners of his mouth were curved upwards into a huge grin, and his eyes were almost closed because of how hard he was laughing. This picture was truly wonderful.

Phil and Chris also seemed to get a different picture from PJ as well, for they're both holding similar picture frames in their hands. PJ's smiling warmly at all of them, as he looks over Chris' shoulder to observe it more. There's also another gift in there, and when Dan takes it out he realizes it's a Slytherin scarf—PJ knew how much he liked the Harry Potter series. Chris had a Gryffindor scarf, and Phil had a Hufflepuff scarf, PJ was already putting his Ravenclaw scarf on.

"This is so cool." Dan says, in awe. "Thanks, PJ."

"Anytime, man."

Chris then spoke up, holding up the gray beanie and matching gloves Dan had gotten him. "Thanks Dan. I needed a new beanie for a while now." He grins as he pulls on the hat, looking at himself through his iPhone camera. "Not bad. Not bad at all."

And now, last but not least—Phil's present. It was hastily wrapped, and Dan shook his head at the sight of it. There were two things as well, one small thing and one big thing. Dan chose to open the larger object first. As he opened it, he smiled to himself. Inside the box seemed to be more things, a big bag of Maltesers, a portable charger, a jumper with a small little sad face was printed on the left side of the chest. There was also a small book in it, and when Dan flipped through it he saw Phil's handwriting, there were drawings on each page. He read the gift tag, which said: _To Dan, the first person who meant that they loved me. Love, Phil._

His heart skipped a beat. This was probably the best gift he'd ever gotten in his entire life. Then he went to the small box, opening it curiously. And inside it was a small drawing. A drawing of two figures with their foreheads touching, their mouths formed into small smiles. It was a drawing of the two of them. Phil's signature was located on the corner of the page, and Dan couldn't stop smiling. It was truly beautiful.

Phil was opening Dan's gift to him, which were a pair of mismatched socks. A new button-up shirt had come with it, along with packets of the coffee Phil loved. Dan had drew something for him too, but his art was so shit compared to Phil's—it was a messy doodle of a sunflower. Phil had always liked to look at the flowers when they'd walked around sometimes, especially sunflowers. There wasn't exactly any reason, but Phil kind of reminded him of a beautiful flower.

They looked up at each other at the same time, unable to form anything into words.

Everyone soon ended up admiring their gifts that each of them got from each other, and Chris and PJ told them that they'd probably join Dan and Phil later to get lunch. They both informed the two that they'd be seeing their families later during the nighttime. Dan was planning on dropping by to visit his parents himself, but Phil didn't really say anything much about what he'd be doing—he was focusing on something else while they were talking about it.

As soon as the door closed (and locked), Phil tackles Dan into a hug when he was trying to pick up some loose wrapping paper.

"Ah—whoa!" Dan yelps, grinning as Phil tackles him to the ground. A laugh erupts from Dan's lips, as he wraps his arms around Phil's neck. The older boy is on top of him—and he's smiling—which improves Dan's mood immediately. He was just _so beautiful._ The features on the other boy's face soften as he stares down into Dan's eyes, smiling gently at him. Dan loves it when he sees this side of Phil. He's just so gentle sometimes, behind that rough exterior. His blue eyes twinkle as he lowers his face down inches from Dan's own, his lips hovering slightly over the other boy's.

Dan smiles softly. "Thank you."

"No, thank you." Phil mutters, bringing his mouth close to Dan's ear. "I really appreciated the sunflower."

Dan groans, shaking his head. "That was complete shit, though."

"Yeah, right. I liked it. Very original."

"Funny."

"You know what's funny, Dan?" Phil whispers, staring into the other teen's eyes. They're almost hypnotizing—Dan can't focus on anything else besides the person on top of him. He gulps, unable to say anything in response as he's lost in Phil's world. The teen above him smirks, pushing some of his black fringe away, bringing his face _even_ _closer_ to Dan's—and as Dan starts to imagine the feel of Phil's lips on his own—he's more than slightly surprised when he gets a light peck on the cheek instead.

As Phil climbs off of him, a bigger smirk on his face—Dan presses his hand to the space where Phil had kissed it. "Now, that's funny."

"What is?" Dan grumbles slightly, feeling the slightest bit frustrated.

The black haired teen chuckles. "Your expression. It's priceless."

"Philip Lester, I _swear_ —" Dan starts, but he's interrupted when Phil bends down to _finally_ kiss Dan straight on the lips. He sighs lightly against Phil's touch, but as he moves forward to deepen the kiss, Phil places a finger on Dan's mouth, shaking his head lightly. There's a small smile on the other's lips, and Dan sighs exasperatedly when the kiss ends so quickly. "Stop teasing me." he whines, while Phil laughs lightly.

He stands up from the carpet, dusting himself off. "You want more? Naughty, aren't you?"

"Shut up." Dan mumbles, his face turning red once more.

"I'll give you some more." Phil smirks, his voice slightly deep, causing Dan's face to turn a much deeper shade of red. "But not now. Later. I've got something I need to tell you today, but I'm not going to tell you till later as well." Dan raises an eyebrow—he's been curious to find out whatever it was that Phil wanted to reveal to him. He remembered the previous things Chris and PJ were telling him before—whatever it was, it was the thing that caused him to cease being as happy as he was before.

The brown haired teen blinks at him. "I really hope it's not anything bad."

Phil didn't reply, he just smiled sadly at him.

* * *

Soon, the four of them go out to lunch as planned—all decked out in their matching scarves and things they got each other.

Dan and Phil both had gotten some more rest after opening their presents, they woke up again around 10 and 11 AM, before getting ready to go out and get some food to eat along with Chris and PJ, who had shown up at their door grinning and ready to leave. Both teens were wearing thick coats, for it had been previously snowing outside.

The whole of London seemed like it was buried in white because of the snow, but Dan was grateful that it wasn't anything bad. It still looked beautiful, there were Christmas lights and decorations everywhere and lots of people were moving around like usual. He lived back in Manchester along with his family, but he liked London a lot. It was a really nice place, although some people were rude or plain out weird he still find it at least similar to home.

Phil told him once that he lived here. When he had graduated secondary school, he ended up here at the college they were all attending now. It only made sense. He never mentioned anything about if he lived with his family or not, but Dan felt like he shouldn't be asking him those questions. Phil's expression had hardened a little after he'd spoke, and he was quiet for a while.

"Is anything even open on Christmas?" PJ wonders, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Chris shrugs, his teeth chattering slightly. "I dunno. There should at least be someplace we could eat."

As if on cue, the four of them ended up walking in front of a nice looking restaurant with a large sign which read: OPEN ON ALL HOLIDAYS! "Oh, nice!" Chris says, sounding pleased. "Let's eat here guys, I'm freezing." With that, he opened the door and walked inside, the three teenagers following behind him—each looking around curiously. A lady at the front asked them, "How many?" to which Phil held up the number four on his fingers.

They got seated in a booth, and as they took off their heavy coats they chatted until a waiter came to serve them.

Once getting their orders (and drinks) they began talking once more.

Their food soon came, which was surprisingly very delicious—and the teens continued talking and talking. Dan smiles at his friends as he stirs his hot chocolate, and as he chooses to look around the restaurant, he makes eye contact with someone he _really_ was not expecting to. _Sarah._ Her cold gray eyes seemed to pierce him and look inside his soul—her mouth was pursed and she looked a bit ticked off. She was sitting with someone, a male, whose back was facing Dan.

Sarah didn't break her eye contact with Dan until a waitress had appeared at her and that man's table, smiling politely once she had addressed the waitress. After she had left, Sarah had turned to whoever she was sitting with and seemed to be in deep conversation with the other. She was batting her eyelashes, playing with her hair—showing all signs of flirting towards that guy. Perhaps he was her boyfriend. Dan felt sorry for him at once.

What was she even doing here at this time? During Christmas...

He pulls his attention back at his table.

"—and I said, 'I'm sorry, but I don't really roll that way.' Funny, right?" Chris laughs heartily, taking a swig of his warm apple cider. "Now I have a boyfriend. How ironic. Weird, right Dan? I had previously turned down this one guy in secondary school who'd asked me out to the school dance, but at the time I was with my girlfriend and was _straight as fuck._ I guess I'm gay as fuck now. I wonder what that guy's up to."

When Dan doesn't react, Phil places his hand gently on top of his.

The instant warmth spreads out through his fingertips, and the brown haired teen immediately feels himself relaxing. "It's okay." Phil mutters. "I saw her too." Unfortunately, Chris and PJ both heard, but they immediately knew what the two were talking about. Chris' previous laughter had died out, and was replaced with a more alarmed look. PJ's fists were clenched. Dan had _never_ seen the two look this serious in his life before.

"It's her, isn't it?" Chris whispers, as he eats a mouthful of pasta. "Sarah?"

PJ stabs his salad with his fork quite violently. "What the _fuck_ is she doing here?"

"I don't know, but whatever the reason, it's not good." Dan shakes his head in exasperation, eyeing his sandwich.

Phil sighs, and places his spoon down calmly—but his expression seems like it's far from being calm. "Don't worry about it too much. I know Sarah and I have been through some rough waters, but the reason that she's here now shouldn't be any of our businesses. I know she's a bitch, and she's been horrible, but I mean ..." he cuts himself off, taking the time to play around with his food. "... Honestly, I'm worried too. But if we give her more attention, we're doing exactly as she wants us to do. Please. Let's just continue eating lunch and pretend that _she_ isn't here. Okay?"

With that, he takes a mouthful of clam chowder and eats it. "What were you saying about that guy, Chris?"

Startled, Chris jolts back to reality. "Oh! Right, well, he said—"

Dan zones out again, but he takes the half of his sandwich he was eating and bites into it, chewing slowly. Phil had admitted that he was worried to see why Sarah was here, but he simply had brushed it away once it had been discussed. Dan couldn't help but worry a bit, though—even though he'd told Phil that _Dan and Phil_ sounded better than _Sarah and Phil_ , he couldn't help but think about their past relationship according to what Chris and PJ had said about it.

When Sarah and her companion had finally left the restaurant, Dan felt like a heavy weight was being lifted off his shoulders.

He couldn't help but be cautious.

Phil was his, after all.

* * *

Nighttime soon came.

Chris and PJ left around seven thirty to take separate trains back home so they could drop by their parent's house and say hello. They were probably going to be there up until New Year's, unless they text them saying they'd spend it here. Dan and Phil had accompanied them at the train station and had bid both a goodbye as soon as they left. PJ jokingly remarked that it felt like leaving for Hogwarts, considering that the four teenagers were still wearing their Harry Potter themed scarves. Chris had pulled Dan aside before he'd left.

"Right, well—" Chris smiles. "Be careful tonight."

Dan nods slightly. "I know. I'm still waiting to hear whatever Phil'll tell me."

"Wait, what?" Chris says, clearly bewildered. "No! I mean... Later. When you guys... You know."

" _What?_ That's ridiculous—"

"—I gotta go now, Dan! Gotta catch the train, you know!" Chris then sang, giving Dan a quick hug before finally jogging off. "Have fun, Dan! Be sure to tell me _all_ about it once we get back!" He grins as he pulls his small luggage with him to the train, as he soon gets in and speeds out of sight. What the actual... _Chris._ They weren't going to do that once they get back home.

Pretty soon, both Dan and Phil were the two left behind.

"Well, now that that's over," Phil then says, turning to Dan. His blue eyes were unreadable. "I'm going to take you somewhere, alright?" Dan blinks, feeling his heartbeat slow down. _Fuck._ He wanted to know what happened for such a long time now, but now that Phil's finally going to tell him Dan has a feeling that he doesn't want to know anymore. He's so nervous that he can't really breathe well.

He must've hesitated, for Phil had turned back in confusion possibly wondering why Dan wasn't following along.

"Hey." Phil said, pulling on Dan's sleeve lightly. "It's okay. Don't worry."

Dan took a deep breath as he followed his boyfriend out the station.

* * *

He didn't know where they were going.

It was getting dark, and there were a few drunk people that were singling carols throughout the streets of London that brightened up Dan's mood a little bit. People were still hardcore partying even though it was getting late, but what did he expect? It was Christmas after all. Earlier he, Phil, Chris, and PJ had a mini party in Chris and PJ's room where they had put on Christmas attire and sang to Christmas songs while drinking cider. They were legal to drink, but Dan didn't want to forget anything that happened today since it's been a blast so far.

He had presents for his parents back at home for when he was going to visit, chocolates for the two of them and packets of hot chocolate.

Dan was lost in thought as he followed Phil to wherever they were going, but halted as Phil's steps soon faltered. Looking up, Dan blinks twice before realizing that they're in a graveyard. A bit of fear washes over him as he finds out this information, and he tugs on the other teen's sleeve quietly. As Phil turns around, Dan notices that his eyes look kinda watery. Maybe it was a trick of the light though... Phil wraps his arm with his as they continue on inside the graveyard.

It's spooky, honestly. Dan doesn't like being at creepy places at night. It's just... Unsettling.

He jumps when he hears the sound of an owl hooting, and tells himself to calm down. _If Phil's with me, I'm safe._ He repeats in his mind determinedly. Nevertheless, he clings onto Phil's arm as he continued walking. Dan had an uneasy suspicion that came up in his mind as they kept on walking, but he didn't want to assume things right away. He just watches Phil as the older teen ventures through the tombstones, before finally stopping.

There's snow covering the tombstone they've stopped at, so Dan can't make out any names.

The suspicion of why they were here keeps popping up in Dan's mind, but he doesn't want to believe it. He needs to hear what Phil has to say before anything else, and that's all that matters. The brown haired teen bites his lip as Phil sighs deeply, exhaling so that Dan could see his breath in the cold air. He doesn't meet Dan's gaze as he begins talking. "I guess I owe you an explanation."

Dan doesn't say anything, choosing to stare at his hands.

"Where do I begin?" Phil says, tilting his head upwards to look at the night sky. He closes his eyes for a few moments, and then exhales softly. "I'm assuming Chris and PJ told you this already, but I was a completely different person back then than I am now." He shakes his head. "It's weird remembering it. My friends at the time usually had called me happy-go-lucky. I was told that I had smiled too much, that I was too forgiving and too nice to people. I was told 'Phil, if you keep that up, people are going to learn to take advantage of you.' I was constantly told these things, but I was too happy to care. I smiled at everyone, I loved everything. I never fucking cussed. I had a happy family. All of that good stuff."

Hearing this from Phil's point of view was quite interesting. Even though Dan kind of knew all of this already, he still couldn't quite believe it. When Dan had first met Phil, he was rude, mean, and unwelcoming. He basically ignored Dan for a long time until he invited him to eat dinner. Mostly other people saw that side of Phil, but now that he's much _much_ closer with the other teen, he's not as bad on the inside. He could see a little bit of his old personality in him.

"Anyway." Phil continues, coughing slightly. "That all changed very recently."

Dan felt himself panicking. He was almost afraid to know what Phil was going to say next.

"It happened on Christmas of last year." He mutters quietly. "I was at home, visiting my parents for the holidays. My mom was home at the time, my dad was coming home from work because the stupid people at his workplace had a last minute issue he couldn't miss. My happy self was a little mad at the time. I didn't like how my dad still had to work during Christmas, it was ridiculous. He and a couple other of his officemates had carpooled there. My dad had called a little earlier before to say that he was heading back now and he loved us and stuff. A few minutes afterwards, I got a call... From the police."

The brown haired teen could only listen, alarmed.

"They—I was told, that my father had... he'd been in a car crash." He pauses for a while, his voice hard. He takes a shaky breath before continuing. "It was a drunk driver. That _fucking idiot_ rammed into the same car my father and his coworkers were in." Phil stops speaking, and bows his head. "I couldn't believe it. I thought this was all a dream. I was smiling before, but at that moment it had disappeared. I was speechless. After the officer had hung up, I broke down. I was done, I couldn't handle it. I was really close to my father. He was a good man, and I loved him. I loved him so much."

Phil's voice started to break. "After my mother learned about the news, she fainted and hit her head on the floor. She wasn't breathing, and I panicked. I sucked ass at CPR, but I tried desperately because she wasn't breathing at all. I called the ambulance, who came almost immediately. They put my mother on a stretcher and I was crying the whole time. Seriously. I couldn't fucking see because my tears kept on pouring. First my dad dies, and then my mother faints and is now not breathing. Needless to say, it was the worst Christmas of my life."

Dan didn't know what to say. His mouth was open, and there were tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Going through all of that must've felt so horrible. He put his hands over his mouth as Phil continued, his voice extremely shaky now.

"I went to the hospital with her. It turns out that... She was sick. It wasn't that bad before, I did notice that she was taking medication daily but did not know the reason why. I guess the shock of my father dying triggered it. She was going to be okay, which I was grateful for. But I was upset that I didn't ask what was wrong. She was sick, and I had no idea. I should've done something to help her. I should've..."

Phil started to cry then. The tears fell down from the corner of his eyes to the bottom of his cheeks. He clenches his fists, but kept on shaking. The tears kept pouring, and pretty soon Dan began to cry too. He cried for Phil, and all the suffering that he went to. He felt so sorry that he had to go through that—he didn't deserve any of that _at all_. Phil sniffled as he wipes his eyes, breathing slowly.

"She's fine now, but she's bedridden. I don't know when she'll leave, along with my dad. I don't want her to leave because she's the only family I've got. My grandparents are still here, but they live far. We cried so much the past few weeks. And even after I stopped crying, there was a giant hole in my heart. I was horrible. My grades had begun to drop slowly, but surely. The school knew, but they still graded me harshly. I-I, I began to lose friends because I constantly lashed out at them. My girlfriend broke up with me. So much _shit_ happened, and that's why I realized—no one's ever going to treat me the way I treat them. So I'll give them the opposite of what I have been. Chris and PJ were the only people, the only ones who stuck with me during all of this crap. They defended me, always. I'm really grateful for them."

Dan couldn't stop crying. He sniffled as Phil kept going on.

"The worst thing was my Christmas present." Phil sighs. "I've always wanted a car. _Always._ I told my parents that I wanted one. And when I came home after spending time with my mom, I found car keys in a small box located on my desk. There was a handwritten note that had come along with it. I didn't want to read it. I didn't want to reopen old wounds, but I did anyway. I couldn't even get through the first goddamn sentence, because it had opened with my father saying how much he loved and trusted me. I cried that whole day. I spent the whole day crying again. It was like a never ending cycle. Cry. Sleep. Wake up. Cry again."

"I was beyond feeling bitter. It was so unfair that everything bad happened on Christmas of last year. I've been trying so hard to cope with it, to move on. I somehow managed to calm myself during the beginning of this year, and kept this personality." The black haired teen mutters, finally turning to Dan. He looks at him sadly, tears are still in his eyes. "I don't know how I did it."

"Oh, Phil..." Dan says sadly, shaking his head. He opens his arms up for a hug, and Phil willingly falls into it. He rubs Phil's back slowly, letting the taller boy cry on his shoulder. Phil didn't deserve this at all. He didn't. He was such a sweet person, a wonderful person—something cruel like this happens and his personality takes a dark turn. Why does everything bad happen to all of the good people? "Phil, I'm so sorry..."

Phil's voice is muffled slightly when he whispers an "It's okay." in Dan's ear. The two teenagers stay there for a while, Dan patting Phil's back gently and drawing circles on his back with his fingertips so he cold relax. Dan's left shoulder is wet with Phil's tears, but it's okay. Now that he's revealed what really happened, Dan feels drawn even more to him. He doesn't understand why his friends at the time left him at all. Phil's such a wonderful person, and definitely deserved the best.

After a while, Phil raises his head from Dan's shoulder and gives him a small smile, even though there are still tears in his eyes.

"Hey, don't cry." He mutters softly, wiping a tear from Dan's eye. "You'll make me even more upset."

"How can I not cry? This is so unfair. All of it. It's not fair how your dad died on Christmas day. It's not fair how your mom was declared sick the same day. It's not _fair,_ it's not fair how this all happened to Phil Lester of all people!" Dan cries, shaking his head. "It's not fair... You were such a good person. You wanted the best for everyone, and all you get in return is _this?_ I don't understand..."

"Dan, it's alright. It was a year ago. It hurts when I still think about it, but it happened. I can't turn back time, no matter how much I want my dad to be alive and for my mom to be well again." Phil sighs. "We all just have to move on from these things, I feel like I'm used to it now."

Dan wipes his tears. "Phil... All I want for you is to be happy."

Snow had started to fall again, and it was beginning to land on the two teens' heads as well as land on the ground around them. "I _am_ happy." Phil then said, speaking up and walking closer to Dan. His eyes looked puffy and there were tear tracks on his cheeks, but his gaze was serious. "Dan, ever since I've met you—I've been beginning to find a reason on why I should be happy again. When I first met you, I thought you were just another regular annoying person, no offense. But you weren't just annoying, you were _determined._ So I eventually gave in, and gave you a chance. And honestly, I'm really glad I gave you that chance."

"You give me a reason to keep being happy, Dan, and I'm extremely grateful for that. Indirectly, you've managed to make me get over this faster than I thought it would take me. I still miss my dad, the sadness comes but I know that I can keep being happy. Same with my mom. I still visit her time to time, and if she's happy, I'm happy. Thank you for ignoring my rude personality, and becoming the person you are to me today. My parents... I think they'd love you, you know." With that, Phil broke into a genuine smile—the corners of his eyes crinkled, and his mouth curved upward largely.

The other boy broke into a similar smile, his brown eyes twinkling. "Phil—that makes me so happy. You don't even _know_ how happy I am right now."

They stand in silence for a bit, and then Phil places a hand on his father's tombstone.

He looks back at Dan, turning to him. "I love you so much, you know? I'm so thankful for your existence. You've helped me so much... And I can't believe I'm only telling you this now, Dan Howell. I've waited too long for this, but it's worth it I think. Why wasn't I able to meet you sooner? I wish I did."

"I love you too, Phil Lester." Dan smiles, wrapping his arms around his neck. "And same goes to you."

Dan's never kissed anyone inside a graveyard before—but this one, it was probably the _best_ one he's had with Phil yet, and that's saying something. But this scene, strangely enough, was oddly romantic. Who knew that making out with someone in a graveyard would turn out to be the best time of Dan's life? You know, he's done plenty of weird stuff in the past—but this was new. It was quite something to tell Chris and PJ.

They walked out of the graveyard hand in hand.

"So, what do you think we should do now?" Phil asks. "It's almost eleven."

"I think," Dan muses, looking up at the other boy. "we should go pay my parents a visit."

* * *

 **A/N:** i'M DONE WOOHOOO writing this chapter was a blast ! i really like this one :O

i'm so so s oso sorry if i made this really sad or anything but ... yeah this is phil's backstory :( at least dan makes him really happy though, he was able to cope with the loss of his father by replacing it with happiness.

i love u guys! i hope i can update definitely sooner than later :)

-choco xx


	10. love letter

**A/N:** i'm so.. SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE FOREVER THERE'S A THING CALLED LIFE THAT ENJOYS MESSING ME UP SO. I'M SO SORRY

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

enjoy :)

* * *

 **X.**

—

love letter

.

.

.

Needless to say, Mr. and Mrs. Howell were more than surprised to see two teenagers covered in snow standing in their doorway.

Dan didn't really have time to call his parents right after everything happened, (mostly because he didn't really feel like doing so) so he figures that maybe they won't mind. It's no longer Christmas because it's now one in the morning, but he really hopes that his parents don't think that he's a robber since he's dressed in all black. Luckily, after ringing the doorbell, he isn't attacked by them at all. His mom had looked from him to Phil and had welcomed them in immediately.

"Good morning, Mrs. Howell." Phil smiles, holding his hand out for her to shake. She seemed surprised at this action, maybe she had no idea that people still had good manners these days. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Phil Lester, a friend of your son. I'm sorry we've come at a late hour." He finishes his greeting with a warm smile, and Dan bites back a grin. Based on his mom's expression, he knows she likes Phil already.

She smiles at him in return. "Oh, no, it's completely fine dear. It's nice to meet you too, Phil. We just weren't expecting to see anyone this early in the morning." She steps aside to let Mr. Howell shake Phil's hand, (it's funny because both of Dan's parents are in pajamas for they had just woken up). Dan takes off his winter coat and puts it on the coat hanger while Phil and his parents are talking.

Pretty soon, everyone is in the dining room—Dan's mom prepares tea for both of them ("If you have coffee now, then you really won't be able to sleep at all!") and Dan sort of lies about why they're here so early in the morning. He doesn't want to reveal the _whole truth_ yet because Phil had just met his parents, and also Dan feels like that his boyfriend has probably had enough explaining to do for the night.

So Dan just tells them that they missed a train which was supposed to leave at 8:30, and the only train that was available that night was the 11:15 one. His dad seems to accept the story, but his mom seems a little bit apprehensive since the two didn't really bring any luggage with them. To explain this, Dan said that he still had shirts to wear here, and that he offered Phil some of his clothing beforehand.

She still seemed a little suspicious, but after Dan and Phil finished their tea, she told them to get some rest.

"Phil, we have a room for you upstairs. Daniel can show you where it is." Mrs. Howell says. "I hope you sleep comfortably."

Dan stops her. "Actually, he can sleep with me. I have a big bed. It's okay, mom."

Mrs. Howell raises her eyebrows, and Phil gives her a soft smile. "It's fine, Mrs. Howell, I can stay with Dan. Thank you." Dan is surprised that Phil sounds so polite and composed—usually when it's just Dan, Phil, Chris, and PJ he's always fooling around with the rest of them. But then again, if Dan was going to meet Phil's parents, he'd want to make a good first impression too.

"Whichever works for the both of you." Mrs. Howell says, but she still seems a little surprised. "Goodnight, you two."

* * *

"Your parents are nice." Phil muses.

He's dressed in Dan's clothes, wearing blue and white checkered pajama bottoms and a plain white t-shirt with a small pocket on the left breast. Dan really likes how Phil looks in his clothing—they fit him well. On the other hand, Dan is wearing black sweatpants with a red shirt with the word "red" on it, but the letters in "red" are white. It's one reason why he likes that shirt, because the words in white say red when the actual shirt _is_ red. It's stupid, but Dan likes it.

"You should see my mom whenever I fail a test. She isn't so nice then. But she likes you, and my dad does too. I think that's a good sign." The brown haired teen smiles, brushing a hand through his hair. He sits on the bed where Phil already is, hands folded. The door is closed already, and Dan's sure his parents have gone to sleep already. "I'm sure that your parents are really nice too."

At that, Phil breaks into a small, sad smile. "I'm sure they would've liked you."

"That's all that matters to me." Dan says softly. "Good first impressions are a good thing."

Phil makes a noise in agreement, and then the two sit in silence.

Dan's still processing everything that had just gone on in the last two hours—Phil finally telling him about his past. It's like the two of them have automatically gotten extremely closer than before, even though the two are together in the first place. Now Dan feels like Phil really is a part of him, and he never wants to let him go. _I_ am _happy._ Phil had said. Those three words made Dan's heart flutter, and Phil sure does know how to make his heart flutter.

"You okay?" The brown haired teen whispers, scooting closer to Phil—close enough that their arms are touching. Phil's skin is surprisingly warm, and it heats Dan up right away. Dan stares at Phil, awaiting his answer even if it does take a while. Then, the black haired teen nods.

"As long as I'm with you, I'll always be okay." Phil says, smiling softly.

Dan chuckles, and afterwards the two get in bed. After he turns off the light, he shifts in his position so that he was facing Phil. His boyfriend's eyes are staring right into his own. They're beautiful, Dan has always loved them. He smiles a little as he gazes at Phil, the other teen smiling back at once. "Dan." He whispers. "You know how you say my eyes are much more gorgeous than yours?"

"I say it because it's true." The brown haired teen giggles, and Phil rolls his eyes in the darkness.

He shakes his head. "I think your eyes are just as beautiful, actually."

"You flatter me."

"It's true." Phil insists. "You always say that your eyes are shit colored, and that's not true at all. Your eyes are like a lightish brown. It's so pretty whenever the sun is reflected off of your eyes because it's just beautiful. It's like I can _see_ the sunset in yours, small flecks of _gold_ in them. If you can see the stars in mine, then I can see the sun in yours." He smirks once he's finished explaining.

The brown haired teen can't help but laugh, even though the sleepiness is getting to him. "It's like... we're opposites."

"You know what they always say about opposites." Phil whispers in response. "They attract."

Dan cracks a smile at this. The two of them laugh lightly together—it's really nice. They should do this back at their dorm, sleep together (not like that... cough), laugh at stupid things they say, and just say nice and heart-warming things to each other. It makes Dan really happy even though this feels like the shit characters do in cliché romance movies as well as novels, but he enjoys it. He notices that Phil's eyes are beginning to close, and he smiles. "Goodnight, Phil." He whispers, inching his face closer to the other teen's.

"Goodnight, Dan. I know that I've told you this already, but I'm really thankful for you. I don't think I can _ever_ thank you enough." He replies. Dan smiles at these words, feeling himself warm up. Next to him, Phil shifts for a bit and then sighs softly. It's silent for a while, but it's a comfortable silence. "Goodnight, Dan. I love you."

His eyes are closed, but he still hears Phil's statement.

"I love you too."

* * *

It's seven AM in the morning and Mrs. Howell peeks though the door to see if they're doing alright.

Dan had forgotten to close the door all the way—his mom can't blame him though, because he looked extremely exhausted early this morning. She was a little surprised when the two boys wanted to sleep with each other, whenever Dan had friends come over they'd always sleep in the other room and they'd just continue having fun the next day. But she respected their decision, Phil seemed like a really nice guy anyway.

She had to admit that she was impressed by his manners. There need to be more people like him in the world.

When she looked in to see how they were, the two were snuggled up against each other. Dan's arms were securely wrapped around Phil's body, and Phil's arm was draped across Dan's side. Their legs were tangled together underneath the blanket, the two both breathing softly. Mrs. Howell's eyes widen, and just like that— _everything_ makes sense now. She smiles to herself as she closes the door softly.

The only thing she hopes for is for Phil to make Dan happy.

* * *

They both wake up around eleven AM.

"Hey." Phil smiles. The sound of Phil's morning voice makes Dan laugh a little. He opens his eyes to see Phil smiling at him, and he snuggles further into his chest. He sighs softly as the black haired teen massages the other's scalp gently—playing with his brown hair, his straight hair already curly. It's always been like this every time he woke up. "I really like your curly hair." Phil whispers, kissing his head. "It's pretty."

"Shut up. I'm sleepy." The brown haired teen mutters.

Phil raises his eyebrows, and then raises his head a little. Dan's head falls back against the pillow, for Phil was sitting up now. He grins as he inches towards Dan's neck, breathing on it softly and lightly. "Wake up." He says softly, and then places a small peck on the other teen's neck. At this, Dan blushes violently. He sits up almost immediately, his face still heated up.

"Was that really necessary?" He mutters, while Phil is laughing besides him.

"Of course it was, it's always necessary."

Dan rolls his eyes as he climbs out of bed. "Do you think Chris and PJ are going to stay at their parents' houses until New Year's?" He says, getting up and crossing his arms. Phil flops back down on his pillow, shrugging. He looks like he wants to fall asleep again, but he brushes a strand of black hair away from his face before responding.

"Probably, that's what they said right?"

"Maybe I'll invite them over." Dan muses. "That way we can have a proper New Year's celebration." He looks over to Phil, who's now sitting at the edge of the bed. He's frowning at his hands, and the brown haired teen blinks. "Phil? Are you okay?" He asks, starting forwards. Phil nods slowly, but Dan isn't quite convinced. He sits down next to him, worry in his eyes. "Phil?"

Phil sighs, and relaxes. "It's okay. I was just thinking about... you know. About the crazy stuff that happened last night."

"You don't have to force yourself to talk about it if you don't want to." Dan immediately says, sort of interrupting him. He places a hand on Phil's arm softly. "I really don't like seeing you upset, because I know it'll end up making _me_ upset too." Phil looks up, and then gives him a small smile in return. He runs a hand through his hair, and gives a deep sigh while staring at the floor under them.

"I'm just glad I told you." The black haired teen says. "Ever since I've told you what happened, my thoughts have become clearer. It feels like I've just woke up from a really, really deep sleep and now I'm officially back to reality again." He stops talking and then raises his eyebrows. When Dan opens his mouth to speak, clearly confused by Phil's sudden action—the door creaks open.

Mrs. Howell stands in the doorway, smiling gently at the two of them. "Good morning, boys, I hope you've had a wonderful sleep. Breakfast is ready if you guys are hungry, I've made waffles and pancakes if you want some." Phil smiles warmly at this statement, and Dan starts grinning from ear to ear. Breakfast _does_ sound really good right now, actually. He hasn't really eaten ever since earlier last night.

"Thanks, Mum." Dan says. "We'll be down in a minute."

"Hurry, or your food'll get cold. And also, I hope you won't mind accompanying me to a trip to the grocery store, I'm making pasta tonight and I still need some ingredients." She just says, before closing the door after her. Dan listens as he hears his mother's footsteps down the staircase and turns back to Phil once he hears them fade away. Phil's studying him now, looking at him strangely. Dan frowns, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, do I have something on my face?" He asks, raising a hand up to his cheek.

Phil blinks, and then looks away. "Er, sorry. You don't have anything. It's just—" He shakes his head, and buries his face into his hands before responding. "I feel so _weird._ I have this weird energy bubbling up inside of me and hell, I don't know why I'm excited. It's _that_ weird. I guess what's even stranger is that I haven't felt this feeling in a really long time actually..."

"What you said earlier, about 'waking up from a really deep sleep', I find that funny because you actually did just wake up a few minutes ago."

"No, it's not that." Phil says, while laughing a little bit. "I've been feeling like this ever since yesterday night. But maybe you're right, Dan... I think I'm just hungry or something. Wanna go downstairs now?" He asks, having stood up already.

A sudden realization popped into Dan's head. "Actually... I'm going to stay up here for a bit longer. I'm still a little bit drowsy." He replies, looking at his boyfriend from across the room. Phil's eyes narrow slightly, but he doesn't question him—which Dan's grateful for, honestly. Instead, he gives a half-shrug and opens the door wider, stepping out of it. He turns back to look at Dan, who's looking right back at him.

"You better hurry, or all the food will be gone by the time you get downstairs." Phil grins.

Then, he closes the door behind him. Immediately, Dan grabs his phone which is charging right where he left it, on top of his nightstand. He tugs the charger out and opens the home screen, then presses the 'messages' icon after he enters his password. He presses Chris's contact, and presses the 'New Message' button, the keyboard on the phone popping up almost instantly.

 _Hey chris you up? Just want to ask something._

A moment passes, and then a reply pops up. _Hola, mi amigo! What's up?_

 _Can you tell me how Phil was like before Christmas last year?_

This time, a reply doesn't come as quickly. The textbox with the three dots indicating that the person is typing jumps in and out of sight, and Dan frowns at the screen for a while before Chris finally responds. _I guess he told you about that already, hope it went well. I'm sure I already told you most of the stuff already though? Anyway he was really happy all the time and really outgoing... He never really got mad at anything that would usually make a person mad. He had a personality like the sun, but I think it's changed to the moon how hasn't it? *laughing emoji* How come you asked?_

Dan bites his lip. _He_ _said he felt a weird energy bubbling inside of him this morning._

 _Shit,_ Chris then texts. _Shit, really?_

 _Yeah, why? Is it that bad?_

 _I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!_ Chris then types, Dan can feel his excitement through the phone screen. _What in the WORLD did you do?!_

 _Uh... nothing?_

 _That can't be, it must be something. I can't believe this_ — _I've got to tell PJ RIGHT NOW._ The text reads.

Now, Dan's very confused at this point—why was Chris so hyped about this? Personally, Dan thought that Phil was sick or something... he normally didn't feel things like these. His stomach growls, and he impatiently waits for Chris to reply back to the text he sent right afterwards, which was _What?_ He didn't get why Chris was so excited about this thing... shouldn't he be a bit concerned?

 _DAN LISTEN TO ME WHATEVER MAGIC YOU'RE DOING_ — _YOU BETTER KEEP AT IT. I have a feeling that he's starting to return to his old self again. Y_ _ou must've really told him something good to make some of his old brightness come back. What the heck do you say? Whatever, I already know you're planning on inviting us to celebrate New Year's. Come on, Dan._ _After all you've gotta let the moon disappear for the sun to be able to rise, right?_

Dan looks down at his phone screen for a few moments, and then his eyes widen.

Phil's returning back to his old self?

* * *

Dan then goes downstairs and sits at the dining table where Phil and his parents were seated.

His dad is reading the paper while sipping coffee, Phil's busy eating a waffle and his mother's drinking her tea while staring outside the window. Dan greets them as he sits down, stabbing a pancake with his fork and biting into it. He grins suddenly at the taste of it—it tastes just like it did when he was still young. After everyone is done eating their fill, Mrs. Howell tells them to go get changed so that they could join her shopping at the grocery store.

The two teens then proceed to get ready, Dan tells Phil to just rummage in his drawer to get something to wear as Dan goes into the bathroom to straighten his hair. As soon as he comes out of the bathroom door, wearing black jeans and a white 'SAD BOYS' sweater he smiles at Phil at once, looking at what he's wearing. His outfit consists Dan's black jeans along with a gray owl sweater that he's never seen before—he looks good in it though. He tells Phil that he could keep the sweater (the other teen's eyes brighten, it's clear that he likes it) and they both put socks on and go back downstairs to meet Dan's mom at the door.

As Phil puts his winter coat on (along with his glasses that he had in his pocket) Dan turns to his mother with a bright smile on his face. He doesn't really realize how much he needs to tell her until he sees her. All of the mess that started when college happened... "I missed you a lot, mum, college isn't the same without your cooking." He says, grinning slightly. She smiles up at him, placing a hand on his cheek and massaging it softly.

"I missed you too, Dan. Thank you for bringing someone wonderful like Phil here. I'm sure you have many other wonderful friends as well." She replies, and smiles sweetly at him as he too puts his coat and shoes on. "Now say bye to your father, and we'll be on our way." Mrs. Howell then opens the door and steps outside into the cold air as Dan says a goodbye to his father (Phil says one too) and then closes and locks the door behind him.

The walk to the grocery store is not long as Dan remembered it, for they're there in no less than ten minutes. It's cold, but Phil's presence warms him.

His mom tells him to get the noodles for the pasta, which is all the way on the other side of the store so he goes at once to get them leaving both Phil and his mom behind. Mrs. Howell tells Phil to get chicken broth, and he obliges, looking up and down the aisles until his eyes landed on the item he needs. He grabs it, looking to see the expiration date, and when he notices that it's still good—Dan's mom starts talking to him.

"How'd you meet Dan?" She first says, her eyes on the items in front of them.

Phil blinks, a bit surprised at the sudden question. "We're roommates, so I met him the first day of college." He walks over to the basket they've brought and puts the chicken broth in there before continuing. "We had a bit of a rough start," he says, remembering the times where he used to refuse to talk to Dan, "but we're good now." Mrs. Howell studies him intently before returning to her grocery list.

"I see. I hope he didn't give you too much trouble."

Phil gives a light chuckle, putting his hand inside his pocket. "I'm afraid that I was the one giving him trouble at first."

"Really? You seem like a well-mannered young man."

"Ah, thank you."

Mrs. Howell then mentions that she's going to make cookies for dessert later, so the two of them go and find flour. That's when she continues asking him more questions, to which Phil provides answers for happily. Then, she asks him, "So, are you seeing anyone at the moment?" which startles Phil at first. He almost drops the flour he's holding, but he knows better than to do that so he just chooses to study the label instead.

"Well... yes." Phil says slowly, looking up from the flour. "I am."

Mrs. Howell raises her eyebrows. "I'm sure that she's a very lovely woman. Is she friends with Dan?"

Phil almost wants to laugh at the statement, but he keeps it in. "Ah, no, actually—he's a very lovely guy though." He says softly, before looking at Mrs. Howell. He takes this moment to place the flour in the basket and looks at her for a while, reading her expression which isn't exactly giving a lot away at the moment. It's scarily similar how Dan is similar to his mother—sometimes Phil can't even tell what Dan's thinking sometimes, and he's seen this expression on his face.

The two of them continue to look at each other for a while, until Dan's mum smiles. "I'm sure that he is."

"Yeah. He was raised well." The black haired teen says, not really sure what else to say.

"All I would want is to make sure that he will be happy, you know?" Mrs. Howell then says. "Can you promise that for me?"

Phil nods, smiling. He doesn't know how she knows about their relationship, but either way he's happy that he's being trusted with this. After all, Phil wants to make him as happy as possible too—he does love him after all. "Of course. You can count on me, I promise." He glances at her for approval, and thinks that her eyes look a little bit watery, but then she turns away to look back at her list without saying anything else.

Dan comes back at that moment, a little out of breath but holding the noodles in hand. Phil gives him a small smile when he approaches them and slips his hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze. After he lets go he sees Dan smile brightly back at him, causing his heart to do the thing it always does whenever Dan gives him those kinds of smiles. "Sorry I took so long," the shorter teen breathes. "I grabbed the wrong ones at first."

At this point, Mrs. Howell is looking at the two of them quite intently. "That's fine, Daniel. We just need to get a few more ingredients and we'll be done."

Phil must've looked pretty dazed or something, for Dan nudges him to ask what was wrong. He says _nothing_ in response, and although he knows that Dan doesn't believe what he said—he can't stop thinking about the look on Mrs. Howell's face when she asked for Phil to make him happy. It's all too familiar to him, and it sort of brings back some memories that are a little too painful to remember.

It almost makes him want to break down inside the store, but he manages not to.

* * *

As his mum prepares dinner, the two of them are in Dan's room.

Phil's doodling on some old notebook Dan found at the bottom of his bed earlier once they got back. He's making several lines and scribbles across the page, and even though he's not exactly drawing something the sound of pen and paper calms Dan for some reason. He's resting his head on Phil's shoulder, the space is comfortable and he likes it. He closes his eyes, relaxing, as Phil continues to draw continuously.

"You know, when I was a kid," Phil then says quietly. "my father would look at the messiest scribbles I created and call them masterpieces."

Dan doesn't say anything for a while. "That's really nice of him."

"I know that he was lying to my face now, but I bet little me was always overjoyed to always hear those comments. I always drew these for him." Dan sees the lines on his notebook, and he smiles a little at the sight of them. "It's pointless and everyone could do these, so I don't know why my dad kept telling me to keep drawing those every day." He scribbles some more on the notebook before sighing intently.

The brown haired teen smiles to himself. "He believed in you from the start. He's always believed in you."

Phil doesn't say anything for a while, and Dan worries that he might've said something wrong—except when he looks back up at Phil he sees that he's smiling. His grip on the pen tightens as he nods slowly. "Yeah." He says, his voice coming out quiet and breathy. "I guess he did." Dan trains his eyes on his piano across from him, not wanting to disturb Phil any longer. He knows that Phil's feeling a little nostalgic, as well as sad at the moment.

"I'm going to take a shower." Phil then says suddenly, patting Dan's head as he steps off the bed. "That's okay, right?"

Dan scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Of course it is. You're staying with me at the moment."

Phil gives him a dry smile before closing the door that led to Dan's bathroom. Dan grabs his phone and takes it off his lap, the same time he starts to hear the water running in the shower. As he turns it on, he's more than a little surprised to see 187 unread messages—all from Chris Kendall himself. The brown haired teen can't help but think _Typical_ as he scrolls through all the messages he missed.

He sees snippets of the things Chris had sent him, most of them saying "DAN", "YOU IDIOT", and "why the HELL do you turn your notifs off" until he scrolls down all the way to the most recent message. It says: W _hatever, if you guys are making out or something you should've told me beforehand so I could give you some tips smh_ and Dan pulls a face as he types in a response quickly.

 _Sorry, we just went to the grocery store to get some stuff. Also, I don't need any tips._

 _You'd be thankful if I gave you some._ Chris responds. _Anyway how's Phil doing?_

Dan doesn't really know what to say at first. _He's alright, kind of sad though. He's in the shower now but he was talking about his dad earlier_ _, dunno what happened_ _that made him remember that. Not sure if he's going to go back to his original self at this point._

 _Ah, well you can't blame him for that really. I don't think you'd ever recover from something as serious as what happened, but you can distract yourself momentarily from it I guess. Maybe it's best for him to remain the way he is now, I never know what the hell he's thinking._

The brown haired teen sighs before typing in a response. _I_ _hope he's okay._

A few moments later, Chris texts back.

 _He'll always be okay if he's with you. How many times have I told you that already?_

The brown haired teen rolls his eyes at the last text.

 _Not enough._

Dan's finger hovers over the 'send' button, but in the end he decides not to reply.

* * *

Phil comes down to dinner first, for Dan takes a shower right after he does.

After Dan finishes his shower, he puts on a fresh pair of pajamas consisting of a black shirt, with gray bottoms (wow, wasn't his wardrobe exciting), wraps a towel around his shoulders and rushes downstairs at once. His hair's a little messy, but he doesn't care that much about it. "Sorry I'm late," he says, addressing his parents as he takes a seat next to Phil at the dinner table. The pasta smells delicious, and although the cookies are still baking in the oven at the moment Dan can already tell that he's going to enjoy this dinner.

However, he's a little bit confused when Phil looks the slightest bit nervous, he's looking at Dan with a hint of urgency in his eyes and his fingers are gripping his fork tightly. Bewildered, Dan glances at him—and then to his parents, who look perfectly content. _This_ is when Dan knows that something's up. His parents have a knack for making people uncomfortable the first time they visit, back in secondary school his friends had to be asked about their background which was _very_ embarrassing.

But why in the world would they ask Phil that? Dan already knew that his parents liked him already, so what exactly was the problem here?

The brown haired teen bites into his pasta. "Mm. This is good." He says, in an attempt to lighten the mood a little. "Your cooking's always the best, mom." When his mother doesn't say anything about this statement—Dan starts to panic. What the _hell_ happened when he was upstairs? The tension was so thick, he felt like he would be able to cut it with the knife on the table.

"I just want to ask you one question Daniel, and one question only." His mom then says at last, and Dan almost is able to feel Phil tensing up next to him. It seems like he's already been asked this question. Dan gulps, not really sure what to expect. It's eerily silent for a few more moments until his mother says, "Are you gay?" Once he hears it, he's not sure how to react.

Dan nervously looks at his plate. "Uh, I think so."

At the corner of his eye, he sees Phil relax a little bit although he still looks pretty anxious. Dan coughs, not really able to look his parents up in the eye. "I mean... I dated girls, Mom, Dad—you've seen them come and go. It's just I never felt like I actually enjoyed those relationships. At the time I was entering college, I was, uh, single, and I sort of started liking this guy. I mean, I've never really been attracted to guys in the beginning but now I can say that I am. And if you're going to kick me out because I like guys, well, that's messed up on your part. I'm allowed to like who I want to."

"So, are you single now?" Mr. Howell asks.

 _Oh, gosh. This is so awkward._ Dan runs a hand through his hair before responding, but he knows what he's going to say already. "No." He says, a little shaky at first. Then he clears his throat and somehow manages to make eye contact with his mum and dad. "No, I'm not single. Surprisingly." Next to him, he hears Phil cover his snicker with a swift cough. "Phil is my boyfriend."

It's agonizingly silent once more, and then his mom and dad smile at him.

"That's completely fine with us." Mr. Howell grins. "Your mother here, she's had a suspicion. Brilliant woman she is, I'm glad I have her as my wife and you as my son." Dan gives his dad a smile as his gaze then shifts to Phil, who straightens up at once. "And I'll be happy to have you as a part of our family—if you and Dan will still be together in the future, that is." Phil raises his eyebrows, and looks to Dan who blinks at him in response.

Mrs. Howell smiles as well. "I wanted grandchildren, but the thing that I want for you the most is for you to be happy, Dan. I'm really glad that you were able to find someone very suitable for you. We'll have to start planning the wedding soon!" She says, as she takes a bite into her pancake. Dan and Phil look from them to one another, and instantly a huge smile breaks out on Phil's face—that's when Dan knows he's really happy.

Dan feels his face reddening at once at the mention of getting married, muttering silently that "we haven't really talked much about getting married to each other yet" earning laughs from his parents and Phil at once. Even though it appears as if they're joking around, Dan can't really help _but_ think about the future—what is he going to do? He knows for sure that he wants to be with Phil forever... getting married would be absolutely wonderful, but then again it's really too soon to be thinking about that.

Dinner is absolutely delicious, soon enough Dan and Phil share stories from college and both the Howells end up sharing things that happened to them in the past. Laughter and loud voices fill the room, and it's so comforting. It feels so good to be back at home, away from all the mess and all the stress. It feels so good not to worry about stupid projects or big tests. It feels so good not to worry about Sarah, that girl that was Phil's girlfriend at one point.

It makes him so _incredibly_ happy.

* * *

 **A/N:** you want to hear a funny story? i typed this all up about a few weeks ago and i forgot to post it. mainly bc i was thinking if i should add more parts but i looked at how many words this chapter already had and it was over a whopping 6,000. shit man i really do lose track of time and idk what i'm even doing anymore lol

but HEY! i updated. and this was sort of a filler chapter if you were wondering. next is the new year's chapter i think, new year's is only a few days after christmas after all. and guess what. CHRIS AND PJ ARE HERE TO JOIN THE PARTY (again, wow so exciting)

i'm so sorry for not updating as frequently as i promised i would,, i've been so unexpectedly busy But i hope everyone is doing well!

-choco xx


	11. happy new year

**A/N:** here's an update for the first time in forever

i'm sorry for being so absolutely horrible at updating... rest in piece me

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

* * *

 **XI.**

—

happy new year

.

.

.

"I really like your place."

Dan lifts his head, which was buried inside a book at the moment. He and Phil were currently lounging around his room, sharing lazy kisses from time to time or just spacing out. Right now, Phil was lying down next to him while he was reading. Honestly, Dan's been more than happy that his parents ended up accepting them as a couple a few days back. He can't help but break into a grin when he looks back to see his boyfriend smiling serenely at him.

"I'm very glad that you do," He beams, and he's about to turn back to his book (it was getting _hella_ interesting) until he sees Phil pouting at the corner of his eye.

"Put that down, you'll have more than enough time to read when we get back to school." The black haired teen grumbles, scooting towards Dan and shoving the book out of his hands. Dan lets out a yelp of surprise and swats Phil's fingers, a deep frown on his face. "Pay attention to me."

"After this, I promise."

"That's what you said ten minutes ago," Phil groans in frustration, "It's been twenty."

Dan turns to his boyfriend, who's looking up at him with hopeful eyes. Eventually he gives in, placing the book gently on the nightstand besides his bed. " _Fine._ " He huffs (in an attempt to sound angry, but fails), before Phil breaks into a bright grin and pulls him down to lay besides him at once.

The younger still tries to stay frustrated at him, but it's no use. He can't get mad at Phil, no matter how hard he tries. He meets Phil's eyes and starts giggling, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Next to him, Phil chuckles too—bringing a hand up to caress the other's cheek. There's fondness in his blue eyes, and Dan melts instantly. He's absolutely positive that he won't ever get tired of Phil anytime soon.

"You're so beautiful."

"You're so cheesy."

Phil lets out a laugh, before closing the distance between their lips at last. The kiss is short and chaste, but it still makes Dan feel incredibly giddy after the two part. "You love it, though," the black haired male says, smirking at him before placing a light peck on the other's cheek. Dan rolls his eyes and does his best to fight his growing smile; because in all honestly, it's true.

"Dan, Phil?" Dan's mother calls them from downstairs. "Your friends are here."

"That must be Chris and PJ." Dan remarks and sits up immediately, throwing his legs off the bed.

The four of them had agreed to spend New Year's together (which was tomorrow), and Dan was very excited about it for he hasn't seen them ever since they left to visit their own families. Phil follows him more slowly, a half-smile on his lips as the two walk downstairs to greet them. It's only been a few days, but deep down Dan has to admit that he misses his friends dearly—even going as far as missing Chris' immature jokes every five minutes.

Sure enough, Chris and PJ are in the dining room, slightly shivering from the cold outside. Both teens are donned in winter jackets, and there was a small amount of snow on their hats and scarves. Nevertheless, the other two perk up when they see Dan and Phil enter the living room. Chris notices them first, breaking into a wide smile at the sight of them. His nose is pink with cold, but his eyes were shining in happiness.

"Ah, my favorites!" Chris calls, spreading his arms. "Happy New Year's Eve!"

After the four greet each other with multiple hugs and laughter, Chris and PJ remove their coats and sit on the couches in the living room. Mrs. Howell starts a fire in the fireplace to warm them all up, and also provides the four with large mugs of her delicious hot chocolate. Soon enough, the atmosphere in the area becomes warm and cozy in just a few moments.

"How has your week been?" Dan asks PJ first, grinning at him behind his cup.

PJ gives him a half shrug and shifts into a more comfortable position before answering, "It's been great so far. Some family visited, and that was pretty fun. I missed them you know, I never really had the time to see them ever since I got into college."

"Same here, it's been a while since I've been home. What about you, Chris?"

Chris drags out a sigh and rolls his eyes, "It's always the same damn thing for me every year. Both my aunts hate each other's guts, but they still come to the family gatherings just to spout insults at from across the room. Honestly, I don't even know what happened between them but it's so fucking annoying. Do you know what was really awkward, though?"

Phil raises his eyebrows, slinging an arm over Dan's shoulders. "What?"

"Well," Chris sips his hot chocolate nonchalantly, "my ex-girlfriend showed up at the door on Christmas evening."

Dan's eyes widen.

PJ almost chokes on his hot chocolate, "What the _fuck_? You didn't tell me this!"

"Why would I want to?" Chris huffs. "I really didn't know what to say. I thought she didn't even know where I lived anymore. She looked really awkward standing outside, and she looked like she was regretting all of this in the first place. And then, she apologized for being such a bitch to me again. Can you believe that? Two years later, and she still feels guilty. I was so surprised, I couldn't say anything."

"Holy shit," Phil mutters.

"And then do you know what she did? She asked me if we could start over." Chris shakes his head in exasperation. "Obviously, I was flabbergasted; but I did remember the fact that she had a boyfriend. So I asked her, _aren't you with someone?_ and she told me that it turns out that he was cheating on her about four months back, so they broke it off. Serves her right. Karma bites back, bitch."

"Don't tell me you said yes, because if you did I'm personally kicking your ass out of Dan's house." PJ warns.

Chris looks mildly offended. "Excuse me, I am 100% loyal. I would never drop your ass for someone like that. I told her no, but she looked like she kind of expected that answer. Then she gave me a box of chocolates and left, but not before asking if we could at least be friends. At this point I felt sort of guilty, so I said okay. She texted me this morning, but I have better things to do. Sorry."

Dan snorts, "Looks like someone had a wild Christmas."

"Did you see my post on Instagram?"

"Yeah, how hilarious." Phil says sarcastically. "I can't believe you had the nerve to put 'Merry CHRIStmas everyone' in your caption."

The other three laugh at this, and Dan can't help but continue to smile as they continue talking about all the things they've done throughout the week. They had just started to play Monopoly when Dan's mother walks back in the living room, a warm smile on her face. "Daniel, is it okay if you can go out to buy some ingredients for me? I forgot to get them earlier, and your dad's taking a nap upstairs."

Dan stands up immediately and takes the list in her hands. "Of course, mum."

"I can come with you." Phil tells him, as soon as Mrs. Howell walks back into the kitchen.

"No, no, it's okay. I'll be fine, just go ahead and keep playing."

"You might get lost."

"The grocery store's not even that far from here."

"Still—"

"Leave him be, Prince Philip." Chris throws a few fake dollar bills at him, sounding incredibly amused. "Let the princess go."

Phil smacks Chris hard in the face with a pillow in response, and the other male lets out a muffled scream from behind the object. Next to Chris, PJ lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head; as if this happened every day. Dan laughs at his friends before grabbing his coat off the hanger, pulling that, his beanie, and his shoes on before waving them a goodbye and exiting the house.

* * *

The cold air is biting, and Dan pulls his beanie lower so it completely covers his ears. It's snowing lightly at the moment, but even so Dan has to squint to be able to see where he's going. He regrets not bringing gloves, for his hands were _absolutely_ freezing. He stuffs them in the pockets of his coat in an attempt to make them warmer, and it fortunately works.

Dan makes it to the grocery store in five minutes, and he greets the warm air that hits his face the moment he walks in.

He pulls out the list his mother gave him from out of his pocket, muttering the ingredients under his breath quietly as he grabs a basket. The brown haired male wants to get this over with fast so that he could come back and hang out with his friends some more before they started counting down to the new year together.

It's a good thing that it doesn't take him long to find the ingredients, and pretty soon he's at the cashier.

"Happy New Year's Eve," The cashier cheerfully tells him, as soon as it's his turn to pay.

"Thanks, and you as well." Dan smiles, but when he looks up he has to refrain from letting out a loud gasp of surprise. In front of him is _Sarah,_ Phil's ex-girlfriend. At first, he doesn't think it's her—until he reads the name tag on her uniform.

It was her, all right.

To his relief, Sarah doesn't look as cold and unfriendly as she did when Dan last saw her. Today, her gray eyes were shining with happiness. Her smile was warm and friendly. If she recognizes him, she doesn't show it. Instead, she looks down to scan his items, as the brown haired male stands there cautiously with his hands in his pockets.

 _Was this why Phil dated her in the first place?_ He couldn't help but wonder.

Dan pays for the ingredients when she finishes scanning them all and watches her bag his items. Dan's a little taken aback when Sarah smiles at him again, after she gives him the receipt.

"You're really cute," Sarah says, giving him a subtle once-over, "whoever's dating you is very lucky."

Dan doesn't know what to say to this because he's too busy trying to figure out how to get out of here, but he gives her a curt nod before taking his groceries. He hears her say "Have a good rest of your evening, sir!" behind him, and he waves quickly before speed walking towards the exit, all of his alarms going off in his brain.

But honestly, what the hell was she doing here?

* * *

He remains in a panicky mood even after he enters his house, looking back a few times just to make sure that she wasn't following him. Just in case. After all, you never knew what was going to happen.

Dan fumbles with the key and unlocks the front door as fast as he could before rushing inside, making sure to lock the door securely behind him. He's still breathing heavily as he rubs his shoes on the doormat, shaking small flurries of snow off of his beanie and coat before putting both of those away.

When he walks in Phil's shouting, "STOP CHEATING!" very loudly at Chris, who's in the middle of laughing his head off. PJ's yelling at Chris as well, ears red as he furiously shakes his fist at him.

"Oh, my." Mrs. Howell says, sparing the trio a swift glance before greeting Dan at the door. She takes the groceries out of his hands with a smile. "Thank you so much, Dan. Your friends are very good company, I must say. Though, I never knew that they'd be so competitive."

"You haven't seen them play Twister yet." Dan groans, remembering when they tried playing said game in Chris and PJ's room. Needless to say, it went quite horribly. Phil accidentally hit his head on one of the bed frames, and PJ almost twisted his ankle when he turned around to get in a more comfortable position. "It's nothing short of a nightmare."

His mother chuckles at this and walks back into the kitchen, as Dan joins the rest of his friends on the couches. "Hey, guys."

"I missed you," Phil tells him, kissing him on the forehead gently.

Chris gags from the other couch, and PJ snickers. "He was only gone for ten minutes."

"It's your turn." Phil smacks him with another pillow, and ignores his previous statement. "Roll the fucking dice."

"Calm down, will you?"

The game goes on, and it soon ends with Chris winning ("I can't accept this," Phil grumbles). After cleaning up they went back to talking, pausing only to take more sips out of their hot chocolate. Throughout their discussion, Dan can't help but think about Sarah—how friendly she seemed when she saw him at the cashier. Did she even recognize him at all?

Why was she acting so sweet to him, then? She also did tell him that whoever he was dating was lucky, and he didn't even say anything along the lines of being in a relationship with anyone. Gosh, what did this all even _mean_? Honestly, he was worried. He was _really_ worried, especially since Chris and PJ told him that they didn't like her one bit, and that she was really horrible...

"Hey, are you okay?" Phil suddenly asks him, concern laced in his tone. "You look really worried."

Dan looks back at him for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say. He bites his lip in deep thought, and then he sighs in resignation. He knows that he can't keep this from Phil, he was bound to find out anyways. "I... ran into Sarah."

Chris and PJ immediately stop horsing around as soon as Dan speaks, and turn to him with shocked expressions mirrored on both of their faces. Phil's eyes narrow at the mention of his ex-girlfriend's name, and if possible, he begins to look even more concerned.

"You what? When?" Chris says in disbelief.

"She was working as a cashier at the grocery shop," Dan tells them, folding his hands together cautiously, "She told me Happy New Year, complimented me, and also said that whoever was dating me was very lucky. I never even told her that I was in a relationship... so I'm assuming that she knows about Phil and I."

PJ pulls a face. "I thought she was out of our lives for good..."

"I can't fucking believe this at all." Chris grumbles, and presses a hand to his forehead. "Dan, you've got to be more careful these days. Sarah's never been that sweet to anyone... not even her own friends. If she's acting like it, then that clearly means that she's up to something."

Dan gulps, and he starts to feel really worried again. "She freaks me out, I really hope she's not following me or something."

After he says those words, Phil engulfs him in a tight and loving hug. Dan immediately feels himself relaxing into the embrace, and his quickening heartbeat manages to slow down. He closes his eyes, basking in the comfort of Phil's arms.

"I won't let her do _anything_ to you." Phil says firmly, giving him a gentle squeeze. "I won't let her."

Chris and PJ give each other a swift glance, and then they break into wide smiles. They let out similar sounding battle cries as they launch themselves on Dan and Phil, earning a surprised yelp from the black haired male and a loud squeak from Dan as they too join in on the group hug.

"Scratch that, we definitely won't let anything happen to our baby." Chris coos, ruffling Dan's hair and messing it up in the process.

"Don't call me that!" Dan swats Chris' hands away from his hair, but there's a smile on his face.

"Fine then, princess."

"That's even worse."

"It fits, though! Prince Philip and Princess Daniel. Isn't that cute?"

Phil sighs. "You never made any sense to me, Chris."

"In all seriousness, Dan," PJ tells him, his gaze sincere, "We're all here for you."

Dan takes one good look at all of them—Chris, PJ, Phil—his dearest and also closest friends. The ones who accepted him into their group and loved him all the same. Dan's never been _this_ close to any of his friends before, and even though that he just got to know the three of them the past few months he already feels like he's known them for years.

He can't help but start to feel sort of emotional at this, and he bites his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. He feels the tears threatening to fall, and he keeps his head up in an attempt to furiously blink them away.

"Aw, Dan, are you _crying_?" Chris laughs.

Dan shakes his head, "It's just... thank you so much. I love all of you."

"He loves me the most, though." Phil says with a smirk, and Dan laughs at this because it's true.

PJ's the first one who steps back from the group hug, but he reaches inside of his back pocket. He brandishes a noisemaker in his hands, a sly grin on his face. "Come on guys, let's try not to cry on New Year's Eve. We still have so much to do. Let's party and worry about all of this crap later!"

"You heard him." Phil smiles at him. "Let's make this one the best New Year's party yet."

Dan grins.

* * *

The four of them spend the rest of the night sharing more stories and cracking jokes, party hats on each of their heads.

It's eleven fifty-eight now, and Dan feels incredibly excited because this was going to be his first New Year with his friends. His parents were upstairs in their room, probably watching the broadcast live on TV. The television in the living room was on as well, but Dan wasn't really paying much attention to it yet. They're all far too busy anyway, eating snacks and drinking apple cider in paper cups.

"God, this is the best New Year's party ever." Chris says for the twentieth time this evening, taking his apple cider in one shot. He turns to PJ, a stupid and wide grin on his face. "PJ, I love you so fucking much."

"And I, you." PJ smiles back at him, leaning forward slightly to place a light peck on his boyfriend's lips.

"I think I just threw up a little," Phil gags when he witnesses the scene, and Dan laughs besides him.

Chris rolls his eyes, "As if you two are any better."

"Touché."

"It's eleven fifty-nine." Dan says, and the four of them turn to the TV. "I'm so excited for this, holy shit..."

They all grab noisemakers, and Chris grabs a can full of confetti, prepared to spray it as soon as the countdown begins. PJ stuffs more popcorn inside his mouth as he wordlessly glances at the TV, and Phil slings an arm around Dan's shoulders, giving him a light squeeze.

"Are you ready?" Phil smiles at Dan, and the latter grins.

"Of course."

The countdown begins.

"TEN. NINE. EIGHT. SEVEN. SIX. FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE—"

The people on TV all scream along with them.

" _HAPPY NEW YEAR_!"

Chris sprays confetti all over them, laughing maniacally when he sees the looks on all of his friend's faces. Meanwhile, PJ almost knocks the popcorn bowl over when he stands up quickly—grabbing the sides of his boyfriend's face before pulling him into a deep kiss. Surprised, Chris drops the confetti can, kissing PJ back with an equal amount of force.

Phil tackles Dan with a hug, earning a surprised yelp from the younger as they lay on the couch.

"Happy New Year, Dan." Phil whispers, before he leans down and finally closes the gap between their lips.

Dan can't help but feel completely blissful at this moment, because all of this just felt so incredibly _surreal_. He couldn't believe that this was happening; that this man had the ability to make him so, so damn happy. He was just so grateful for Phil's existence, and he never wanted to let him go.

 _Never_.

"Happy New Year, Phil."

* * *

 **A/N:** wow more fluff bc fluff is my WEAKNESS

yay, more fantastic foursome bonding time! i miss them all together irl. i can't say for sure when the next update for this story will be though, hopefully it'll be in a couple of weeks. hopefully. also i apologize for grammatical/spelling errors, i'm too lazy to edit this. rip.

thanks for sticking with me for this long~ i'm not going to abandon this, i promise. this fic is my baby, and we still have a long way to go before it's officially finished.

love you all,

-choco xx


	12. white noise

**A/N:** enter me, screaming into the void

i was supposed to upload this January but so much happened since then and i lost SO MUCH motivation for writing this... not to mention that i had huge author's block (which always gets in the way of everything) :-/ i'm really sorry if my writing sucks ass in this chapter, but i really owe you guys one... thank you so much for sticking with this story even though my updating schedule is once every few months ;w;

anyway i'm on spring break now (FINALLY) so i'm taking advantage of that :-)

 **summary:** Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who at first ignores him. They soon realize that they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. Phan College AU.

* * *

 **XII.**

—

white noise

.

.

.

Going back to school after winter break is probably always going to be the worst moment of Dan's life.

First of all, there was always that issue of writing last year's date even though it wasn't that year anymore. And Dan also knows for a fact that he's still going to keep doing that a few months later. Next, there was always the issue of trying not to fall asleep in the middle of a lecture, because Dan really couldn't afford to fail any of the classes he was in even if he was horribly exhausted.

Finally, back to school also means _back to homework._

Dan mentally groans at the thought of pulling all nighters to finish numerous assignments. Last semester was absolute hell; he barely managed to scrape through all of his subjects. The only good thing about this whole situation was probably Phil's presence with him in the dorm—he knows that he'll be a stress reliever of some sorts.

There's one thing he also knows for sure, though; at least he's not going to be struggling alone. His fellow classmates were already complaining as soon as he stepped in the room, and Dan couldn't help but relate to all of the things that they were saying. He would totally prefer being at home binge watching TV shows and staying up past twelve midnight than be here at all.

"It's like I forgot how to hold a pencil correctly." Chris remarks during French, uncharacteristically agitated. He throws said pencil on his desk and folds his arms with a huff, shaking his head. "I think I'm forgetting how to write."

"It'll come back to you, Chris. No need to worry, mate."

"I already misspelled my name _twice._ " Chris's eyes widen in disbelief, and he shows Dan his paper for proof. Surely enough, the upper right hand corner of the page is full of eraser smudges. The brown haired teen has to cover his mouth so that he wouldn't be caught laughing. "How the fuck do you even manage to spell your own name wrong? I wish we were still on break."

"Time to count the days until summer vacation," Dan replies, watching with tired eyes as their professor walks in with a dejected look on his face. It seems as if he doesn't want to be here either, and Dan honestly couldn't blame him. "But if we were still on break, it might be possible for you to forget how to write completely."

There's a moment of silence as Chris ponders this.

"True." He hums thoughtfully, eyes also trained on their professor, who had now started the class with a somewhat dreary _Bonjour_ and was now going on about the new concepts they were going to go over for the next part of the new semester.

"I swear I'm never going to be a teacher in the future." Chris continues, leaning against the desk with his head resting in his palm. Dan turns to him, eyebrows raised in curiosity. "I will never be willing to grade assignments nonstop over the weekend. Reading my own essay already makes me want to dig myself into a hole and never come out of it... just think of grading 800 papers a day."

Dan cringes at the thought of it.

"Yeah, that'll definitely be hell. Now I understand why Mrs. Williams is so grumpy all the time."

Chris snickers when Dan brings up their same History professor, but he swiftly covers it with a fake cough. "Right? But get this: we are the ones who choose what we want to do with our lives. If Mrs. Williams wants to spend her life grading 10,000 papers, well. That's her problem, isn't it?"

Dan doesn't even get to reply when a whispered "SHHH!" interrupts him, coming from one of the students in their class (Dan never really bothered to get to know anyone besides Chris, so he doesn't even know what their name is) giving the two friends a dirty look.

Chris and Dan look at each other simultaneously.

"Looks like our conversation's being cut short," Chris whispers with a subtle roll of his eyes, and Dan manages a smile. "Can you believe that some people actually want to learn?"

They do end up shutting up and paying attention after that, though.

Sort of.

* * *

After his classes end for the day, Dan walks to his dorm and sits down at his desk both physically and mentally exhausted.

He had so much shit he needed to do (which was due tomorrow) and so little time. Dan knew that he had to get started on his stuff sooner or later, but he really didn't want to either; which is why he rejected Chris and PJ's offers to go get lunch with them outside campus. Eventually, he decides to at least start one of his assignments since he knew that it would take a short amount of time, and he gets to work despite how hungry he feels at the moment.

A good thirty minutes later, he's halfway almost done (feeling very accomplished with himself, it's the most he's done in one sitting before) but he's also seriously considering throwing his French textbook out the window when he hears the door open and the jingle of keys.

Dan doesn't look towards the door and thinks it's Chris and PJ trying to get him to go out with them again—

"I'm too busy to do anything right now, I thought I made that clear!" Dan lets out an irritated sigh, not even bothering to turn around in his chair. He buries his head in his hands and mentally prepares himself for Chris and PJ to start bothering him and begging him to join them again.

A light chuckle gets his attention, though, and Dan whirls around to face Phil, who's looking down at him in pure amusement.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Phil teases, flicking his boyfriend's forehead affectionately before he sits down on his bed. Dan's cheeks color in embarrassment, and he groans, covering his face in his hands.

"Shit, sorry... I thought you were someone else."

"Chris and PJ?" Phil guesses, and Dan nods; not even bothering to ask how he guessed correctly.

"Yeah." The brown haired teen snorts, turning back to his French book reluctantly. "They wanted me to get lunch with them earlier, but I couldn't because I have a lot of things to work on tonight. I'm not even _that_ hungry, I don't know why they should bother... Mrs. Williams actually had the nerve to assign us an essay due in three days, and we just got back from break!"

As soon as Dan finishes talking, his stomach growls.

His eyes widen in realization once it does, and he looks down in embarrassment as Phil bursts out in a fit of loud laughter.

"Don't. Say. A. Word." Dan grumbles, as Phil pretends to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Sorry," The black haired teen says, sounding completely unapologetic. His hair falls into his eyes a little as he addresses Dan, a small smirk playing on his lips. Dan instantly feels the annoyance dying down; expression softening at once. "That sucks that you're busy, though. I was going to ask you to join me to eat somewhere."

"I don't know, I kind of have a lot of stuff to do..."

"Don't be like that. You need a break. How long have you been working on that?"

"Ever since class ended, but—"

"Dan."

Now defeated, the brown haired male looks at Phil before back at his homework slowly, passing a hand through his hair. He finally places his pencil down on the table after a few moments and doesn't miss the smug smile on the elder's lips.

"Fine, I'll come with you."

He stands from his desk, shrugging on a thick jacket while Phil smiles; tongue poking in between his teeth as the corner of his eyes crinkle in amusement.

"Not hungry, my ass."

" _Shut up_."

* * *

There isn't much variety among the restaurants outside of campus, but Dan and Phil manage. They end up at this diner after a while and spend the next few moments in a comfortable silence as they pick what they want to order.

After Dan chooses his, he places his menu down and waits for Phil to finish deciding.

He can't help but stare at his boyfriend as he does so. Phil's just honestly one of those people who's really hard to stop looking at. Dan couldn't help but notice that something was pretty different about the other male today too. He knows for a fact that it's not anything physical.

The elder just _looks_ happier.

It seems like such a long time ago when they met for the first time. Phil used to give off a negative vibe, and Dan couldn't help but find him a little intimidating. Honestly, it was hard not to. He never really acknowledged Dan and seemed totally indifferent even after Chris brought him into their friend group.

But nowadays, Phil just seemed... _different._

He didn't give off that negative vibe anymore. To be fair, he stopped giving off that negative vibe ever since the two actually started to become friends. His smiles were much brighter these days as well, and Dan started to witness Phil giving genuine smiles to everyone in general. It was a little off-putting at first (for Dan wanted to be the only one who received those smiles) but now he actually finds it reassuring.

Chris and PJ always told him that Phil used to be much happier in the past, and Dan was always curious about that. Before, he would've thought that it wasn't possible. But now, after all what happened, he's actually starting to think that Phil was slowly going back to his regular self.

He snaps out of his thoughts as soon as Phil meets his eyes.

Dan looks away at once, embarrassed.

"Shit. Uh, sorry. I wasn't staring."

At the corner of his eye, he could see Phil lift an eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips. "Right, and my name's not Philip Lester."

Dan scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"Wow, you're hilarious."

"Thanks, I try."

It's silent after a few more moments, but it's far from uncomfortable. It's never been uncomfortable between the two of them, and that's the way Dan likes it. A few moments after they start talking about school, the waitress brings them the milkshakes they ordered (even though it was cold as heck outside), and Dan quietly sips on his chocolate drink before Phil purses his lips and opens his mouth to say something.

"Listen... about Sarah."

Slightly taken aback by Phil's sudden statement, Dan lifts his head, alarmed at the mention of Phil's ex-girlfriend's name.

Fortunately, the waitress comes back, saving him from coming up with a response. As she lays down their burgers and fries in front of them, Dan stares at the table quietly, wondering how he was supposed to react to this. They haven't talked about her much ever since Dan ran into her on New Year's, and just thinking about that never fails to make Dan spooked again.

Dan quietly thanks the waitress for bringing their food right away and takes a bite out of his burger to further delay responding; the food was delicious anyway. In front of him, Phil was chewing on a french fry absentmindedly. A few moments later, Dan places his burger back down on his tray. Well, it was now or never.

"What about her?"

Phil sips some more of his milkshake before replying. As he stirs the drink with his straw carefully, he says, "In all seriousness, I don't want you to get involved in whatever's happening right now. Now that she's back, I really can't risk anything happening to you."

The black haired male takes a few bites out of his burger as Dan struggles to take the words in, slightly confused. He eats his food to distract himself, and finally manages to say something after a few moments.

"Don't you think that's a little too late for that?" Dan furrows his eyebrows together. "I mean, she already knows that I exist."

Phil sighs, wiping his hands on a napkin.

"That's the problem. I really have no idea about what her goal is. I don't know why she came back at all."

Dan chuckles nervously.

"Now that you're saying all this stuff, it's getting me creeped out even more."

"I'm sorry. I really don't mean to scare you, but... I think it's for the best." Phil frowns, and reaches out to place his hand over Dan's own. Dan relaxes immediately, and nods slowly. He understands about where Phil's coming from, even if he knows that he's perfectly capable for looking after himself. Nevertheless he feels a wave of comfort wash over his emotions, and he manages a tiny smile.

To lighten up the mood, he remarks, "Your hand's greasy."

"Oh, crap," Phil's eyes widen, and he retracts his hand immediately at the younger's words. Dan snorts, wiping his hand with a napkin.

"But really, thank you for worrying about me." Dan gives Phil a half-smile before taking another bite of his burger (damn, it was delicious). After a while, he adds, "Just don't forget that I can protect myself too, you know. I'm not some princess locked inside a tower who needs a knight in shining armor to save me from my impending doom."

Phil grins at his statement, amused. He lowers his head in a fake bow, "Understood, Your Highness."

"Shut up, you." Dan wrinkles his nose (failing to hide his growing smile), and Phil laughs; the corners of his eyes crinkling.

* * *

They get back to their dorm at 9:28 (they left at seven), Phil holding the leftover food in one hand and Dan's in the other.

As soon as Dan gets the door open, he's met with Chris and PJ looking at them in the dark with matching huge (and creepy) grins on both of their faces. Their laptops are in front of them, the light illuminating his two friends' faces, giving them both an eerie glow.

This, of course, scares the shit out of him.

"MOTHER OF—"

"Hi Dan!" Chris interrupts Dan with a cheery smile and wave, as Phil lets out a dejected sigh and flips the light switch on. "Hi Phil! How was your date?"

"Great, thanks." Dan manages to say, breathing slowly to try and maintain his heart rate as Phil places the leftovers on top of his dresser.

"What's in here?" PJ asks, nodding at the boxes.

"Burgers and fries." Phil replies on the beat, taking his shoes off. "You guys can have some if you want."

"Aww Philly, how sweet of you." Chris bats his eyelashes at him, and Phil rolls his eyes. Chris stands up and walks over to the dresser, taking out one of the boxes and popping it open. He takes handful of fries and passes the box to PJ, who then takes it.

"And may I ask why you two are in here? Dan and I have stuff that we still need to do tonight." As soon as Phil sees the suggestive look on Chris's face, he facepalms. "And before you ask, I don't mean anything sexual."

"Why, a study session, of course." Chris replies, taking another fry. He munches on it before saying, "That way, we can help each other with our work."

Dan removes his coat and hangs it on the door, sighing.

"Are you sure about this? We probably won't end up doing our work anyway."

"I've never heard anything more true in my life." Phil agrees, taking a seat next to Dan on his bed. "The only place where we all can work together without distractions would probably be the library—"

"—Which closes at seven." PJ cuts in, twirling his pencil around his fingers. "It's almost ten. So, no library field trip. Besides, we've brought all our stuff here anyway." He gestures to his laptop in front of him, and to his textbooks, which were neatly stacked on top of Dan's dresser.

Dan and Phil look at each other, having a silent conversation.

"All right, fine." Dan finally says. He walks over to his desk and picks up his still-open textbook, bringing it over to Phil's bed. "You guys can stay."

To his surprise, Chris lets out a groan while PJ cheers loudly.

"HAHAHA! I told you he wouldn't kick us out!" PJ exclaims. "You're the absolute best, Dan."

Confused, Dan raises an eyebrow.

"Wait... what just happened?"

Next to him, Phil covers his face in his hands and groans. "Did you guys make a stupid bet again?"

"Yeah, a bet that I lost. Again." Chris shakes his head in disappointment and reaches into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out his wallet. He hesitantly hands PJ ten pounds and sulks. "Damn it, I was so sure that I was going to win this time."

"Face it Chris, you're never going to win a bet against me."

"I won once!"

"One time and one time only. Pity."

"Suck my ass, Peej."

"Gladly."

"Lord help us." Dan whispers to Phil, who's staring at the two other boys with an odd mixture of disgust and amusement on his face.

Chris opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off at the sound of loud police sirens. All four boys stop conversing at once, and all turn like one man towards Dan and Phil's dorm window. Outside, he can hear other people's doors swinging open and other people chatting, most likely because of the situation.

Chris hums thoughtfully. "Do you think they're the policemen from our campus?"

"Those sirens sound awfully close." PJ then says, blinking.

Since he was closest to the window, Chris gets up from Dan's bed and draws the curtains from the window back. Dan watches as Chris frowns, eyebrows furrowing. "Yeah, because they're literally outside."

"Seriously?" Phil's eyes widen, and the rest of the boys join Chris at the window.

Sure enough, there are two police cars parked outside. The officers were out of their vehicles, talking to some people that Dan couldn't recognize from the top of their heads. He frowns at the sight, confused and slightly worried.

"I wonder what's going on." Dan muses. "I think everyone's talking about it in the hall."

"Let's check it out, then." Phil says, and without hesitation he stands up and opens the door. The three other boys file in behind him as he looks into the hallway—Dan sees that he's correct when he sees a bunch of his neighbors talking amongst themselves.

He's brought to his attention when he hears a voice call out his name: "Hey, Dan. Are you guys having a party in your room without me?"

Blinking, he looks to the left and makes eye contact with his American classmate Tyler. Tyler was really great person; the two had English class together and shared several common interests. He was often told that their laughs sound the same as well (he didn't really know how to feel about that).

"Oh, no, we were just having a study session before we heard the sirens."

"Did you hear what happened?"

"No, not yet," Phil interjects, tilting his head to the side. "Do you know?"

"Yeah." Tyler nods, frowning. "Someone's dorm got broken into. I think the story was that they came back from dinner to find their room unusually really cold, and when they looked around they found out that the window was smashed. The weird thing is that nothing was taken."

Dan blinks.

PJ frowns, "That's a good thing that their stuff wasn't taken, but then why was the window smashed in the first place?"

Tyler shrugs.

"I'm thinking that the moment the person broke into their room, they changed their mind and left."

"You think so?" Phil asks.

"Probably, but I'm not usually right about these sorts of things. I'm really bad at guessing and assuming things because I'm usually wrong about them. Well, catch you guys later." Tyler waves merrily at them before walking back to his room. "I don't care if they say it's safe; I'm boarding up my windows tonight."

As soon as he leaves, the four boys all head back inside the room.

"Well, that was eventful. What a good way to start off the semester, am I right?" Chris says, putting the curtains back in place as soon as they get in. He takes another fry from the to go box and winces when he tastes it. "Oh gosh, these got cold pretty quickly."

"That is so strange though... to break into a place just to not do anything in the end? What's the point of breaking in in the first place then?" Phil wonders aloud, sitting back on his bed. "Huh."

PJ scribbles a few sentences on his homework paper. "Surely it isn't just vandalism?"

"I don't think it is, for some reason. My gut feeling's telling me that this was an attempt to steal something."

Chris shrugs.

"Whatever it is, it should be a one time thing. I don't think we should worry about it too much."

Dan nods in agreement, but he frowns as he presses the tip of his pencil to the paper on his textbook.

It really was strange...

* * *

 **A/N:** wooooOOo finished! and my leg's asleep. i love my life.

anyway hope u guys like this chapter! wow much action such plot

thanks for being so patient with me guys. i hope it won't be too long until i update again... those of you who are anticipating an update for fairy academy, i will probably (hopefully) get to it at the end of the week. bye~

until next time,  
choco


End file.
